A big part of male sacred sexuality is learning to love and worship the penis, the lingam, not simply as a pleasure tool, but worshiping it as a sacred wand of light and creation. The penis or the lingam has since time immemorial been revered as a powerful symbol of masculine energy, power and creative potential.
While for most men the penis is the focus of their physical sexuality and eroticism, and while it is truly the locus of the most concentrated masculine energy, lingam massage is but a sub-ritual of a total homoerotic Tantra session; its chakra is located at the base of the penis and is associated with the first or root chakra (located in the perineum in the male). I recommend that lingam massage be optimally included with a method of achieving multiple erotospiritual cosmic orgasm, massage of the so-called “sacred spot”, the P-spot, or prostate massage, the locus of the second chakra. (Click here to read my essay on Prostate Massage.)
Homoerotic Tantra is an erotospiritual practice and involves the triad of mind, body and spirit. In order to derive the whole range of benefits from the practices and rituals, you must suspend any form of judgement, you must trust your partner completely, you must be willing to be authentic (genuine and truthful), self-forgetful (leave the ego at the door). You must be willing to surrender to your partner, and accept your responses and reactions with abandonment and freedom. In our homoerotic Tantra session we will join other esoteric traditions of erotospiritual practices that are conceived to overcome the separation of sacred (spiritual) and profane (physical sexual) love.
A big part of sacred sexuality is becoming comfortable in worshipping the penis as a sacred organ and the site of the greatest concentration of masculine spiritual energy, and to reverence it through ritual manipulation or massage.
The lingam massage I am describing you can be done two ways. The first method is for men to learn when soloing, so they can practice edging on themselves during masturbation.
In the second method, a partner gives the receiver the massage. It can be a separate ritual unto itself or it can be a form of prepping or foreplay before tantric sex.
In Tantra, we connect with our partner on a deeply personal and on a spiritual level. We also connect with the universal sexual chi or life energy that is in our partner’s body as an energetic creative life force. One way to do this is through lingam massage. An oversimplification of lingam massage would be to call it an exotic hand job. But the difference is that lingam massage is performed as a sacred ritual mindfully, reverently, trustfully, and in a spirit of self-forgetfulness and self-emptying, being aware of and responsive to your partner as both the giver and recipient of a priceless gift.
Unlike your profane hand job, the lingam massage involves not only skilled ritual massaging and stroking of your partner’s penis, it can also include more advanced erotic massage technique, including stimulation and manipulation of the scrotum and balls, perineum, the anus, and the Sacred Spot (the prostate).
Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to “wand of light.” In Tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam, or penis, from a place of the utmost love and respect. By bringing a partner pleasure through his “wand of light,” we share and are filled with that same creative energy or “light“ in a sensuous, erotospiritual exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure, joy and love.
Lingam massage is a ritual that truly honors a man and his masculine power but we perform the ritual also to give him physical pleasure and ecstasy, and orgasm. Your partner’s penis is the tabernacle of a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi, and knowing how to stimulate and circulate that energy is very powerful gift.
Statues of the Shiva lingam, a symbolic representation of god Shiva, represents a state of meditation. Lingam (Sanskrit: लिंगम्: liṅgaṃ, literally a sign, symbol or mark) is an abstract or aniconic representation of the Shaivite Hindu deity, Shiva. For Tantric practitioners the Shiva lingam embraced a secret meaning: that this powerful divine energy is present in the male body, most concentrated in the penis, which contains the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.
In order to engage your partner in sacred homoerotic sex you need to approach your male partner’s body as a holy temple and his penis as the most holy part of his entire physical body.
Sacred sex is not just one orgasm, one ejaculation and being finished, only to roll over and go to sleep. Sacred homoerotic sex is about learning to ever escalating levels of love, joy and pleasure that will mature into waves of multiple orgasms during the massage session. In order to achieve this ecstasy, you will perform lingam massage or tantric penis massage on your partner.
The ritual described below can be performed solo in order to practice masturbation and energy control, or you can perform it on your partner in a mutual ritual for joy and love, and to train for energy control.
For ease in understanding let’s call the giving partner the “masseur” and the receiving partner, the “recipient.” This will make it easier to follow the ritual acts and movements.
The session can begin with a short bath ritual, if appropriate facilities are available. In the alternative, the ritual bathing can be done in the shower and combined with energetic and sensuous touching. The ritual bathing and touching will ease any initial anxiety and is preparation for the homoerotic Tantra session and the massage rituals.
Briefly, we start with a gentle massage of the inner thighs, moving up to the genitals, the perineum and slowly moving to the sacred spot (either externally or internally). This technique will stimulate an inner relaxation which aids the hip and adductor muscles to relax and butterfly. When this configuration is maintained naturally and in conjunction with focused breath-work your partner will feel a pleasurable “ballooning” sensation in and around the pelvic area. This relaxation will allow you to caress and massage your partner’s sacred spot more deeply and pleasurably. You will become aware of and sensitive to tension areas and pleasure spots, and such reading of your partner’s responses will allow additional pleasure from increased stimulation. One of the indications that your partner, the receiver, may give is when he starts meeting your penetration to deepen it or he will start rocking his hips, meeting and seducing the caressing finger.
Stimulating the sacred spot is a technique unto itself but can be used during lingam massage for an added boost of pleasure and to enhance your partners orgasm(s).
Including deep abdominal breathing work during the extended genital and prostate massage will relax your partner body and greatly enhance the over-all experience. Breath-work is what, ultimately, brings forth a whole body orgasmic experience. As a person begins to recognize the chronic tension and holding patterns held within the body, a higher level of awareness will also develop. With intention and touch the body can begin to “re-wire” its nervous system and find a natural rhythm and frequency.
In general, we will practice a breathing technique that is deep, rhythmic, and focused. The masseur will assist in this breathing practice and guide the receiver. One essential focus will be on the urethral and anal sphincter muscles and application of the general rule: on inspiration contract the sphincters and on expiration relax them.
- Create an ambiance of relaxation and eliminate any interruptions.
Before starting any session, make certain that you have all of the necessary materials and paraphernalia prepped and placed conveniently within reach. The type of session and your personal preferences will dictate what you’ll need but the basics will include: Lube an massage oils, towels and tissues, a set of feathers, a very soft make-up brush, several candles or tea lights, a sound system with appropriate chants or background music, mats, pillows or cushions, a large sitting cushion.
Have all of your oils and fragrances, flavors (blow, touch, taste, kiss ritual) within comfortable reach.
You might want to have a temple bell or a small gong nearby to signal transitions and to redirect attention.
Ensure that the room is darkened and that the room temperature is set to provide a comfortable temperature for being naked. Ensure that all possibility of interruption by noise, animals, and people is minimized.
Set the tone of trust and intimacy.
After exchanging intimate embraces, gently guide the recipient to his knees and support him as you bring him gently and lovingly onto his back. Position his arms at his sides palms up. Gently position his legs in the extended position, slightly parted, and his knees slightly raised. so that you can comfortably fit your knees between them. I would suggest rolling up a towel and placing it under his neck. In this position, you will have easy access to his penis, the perineum, and his anus; you will be massaging all of these areas during the ritual.
Take a position to his side, and seated on a cushion, take a small drum or clapper sticks, and set a rhythm for your mutual breathing.
Breathing is important. It should be slow, deep and rhythmic. On inspiration, you both should tense your anal and urethral sphincters, on the expiration relax the sphincters. Remind him to breathe deeply and attempt to keep your breathing rhythm. You may want to use a small drum or sticks to set a breathing rhythm.
The Tantric gaze is a very important part of our homoerotic ritual. Gaze into your partner’s eyes, enter him through his eyes. Hold the gaze and if it is broken at times by the massage ritual, return to it. Gaze upon your parter’s beautiful body and describe it in loving terms to him.
Read the mystic love poetry of Hafiz or Rumi, commit some of the beautiful verses to memory and recite them softly while reverencing your lover’s body.
Always be in contact with your lover’s body at some point, even if you have to reach for an oil or a fragrance or a flavor. Never break the connection or the energy flow during the ritual.
3. Give special attention to the rates and patterns of breathing.
Deep, regular, synchronized breathing is a characteristic of homoerotic tantric ritual and controlled breathing is what makes Tantra so different from routine, mechanical sex. In Tantra, we practice the concept of “bliss breath.” This means that during the body massage ritual, lingam or prostate massage ritual, you should remember to breathe in such a way as to receive your partner’s energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale and send him loving energy on the exhale.
When you conceive of your breathing in terms of “bliss breath” during the homoerotic ritual, you and your partner will
- Experience a deeper feeling of worship, enhanced meditation and mindfulness, and a greater feeling of love for your partner;
- You will have a heightened sensitivity to and you will become empathetic to his perceptions and responses, and his sensations and emotions.
- Your sexual intuition will be enhanced and you will be more attuned to and aware of what your partner finds most pleasurable by responding to such things as his breathing, his vocalization, and his physical responses to your gifts of attention and service.
4. Assist your partner in his breathing depth and rhythm.
Even before the homoerotic tantric session, during the initial intimacies, you and your partner should tune into each other by practicing bliss breath together. You can practice this by taking a few breaths together in synchrony. Deep rhythmic breathing in harmony and synchrony with your partner will calm you both, will bring you biospiritual rhythms into sync, and will have beneficial effects on your heart rate and blood pressure. During the meditations and during the massage rituals, gently and softly encourage your partner to breathe deeply, relax, let go, release, and receive all of the energy flowing between you.
5. Oils and lube are essentials.
Touch is an essential mode of transmission of the spiritual energies during these rituals. Touch is actually a continuum of connected points, and the smoother the better. If the skin or the hands are dry, there will be a sensation of catching and pulling, similar to microvelcro, and the sensation created will be distracting and unpleasant. Lubrication allows touch to be gentle gliding, seamlessly connecting the infinite number of points into one unique pattern; it is that pattern that will create the pleasure, joy and love you are co-creating with your partner.
The Massage Ritual
Since lingam massage is such an important ritual in our homoerotic practice, we’ll focus on that ritual in the method below.
First of all, generously lubricate and gently massage around the penis.
In general, I recommend the use of high quality massage oils scented with aromatherapeutic essential oils like [jasmine, ylang ylang, bergamont, sandalwood, ginger, etc.]. Because the area around the penis, perineum and anus are so rich in nerves and the tissues are delicate, I recommend using a very mild oil like coconut oil or almond oil as your base, which have a very pleasant fragrance and flavor. Use the oil to lubricate the shaft of the penis and the scrotum, passing down the perineum to the area around the anus, then navigate back to the scrotum, massaging the sack and your partners balls.
Don’t go straight for the penis but start your gifts by running your hands up and down his inner thighs before slowly moving up to his crotch. The inner thighs are one of the male erogenous zones, and massaging the inner thigh will pleasure him while at the same time relaxing him.
Gently whisper instructions, compliments, or loving words while you are massaging him. Let him become aware of your breathing and soft vocalizations while you are attending to him.
Move onto the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. The scrotum is very sensitive and running your fingernails gently on his scrotum can be very pleasurable. Cup his scrotum and balls in your one hand and gently pull on them. At some point here you can cup his balls in your hands and fondle them by rolling them on the palms of your hands.
The general area of attention in lingam massage includes all of the area around his balls and penis, from the pubic bone in front to his inner thighs, and his perineum (which is the area between his balls and his anus) to around his anus, but the focus is the penis and during lingam massage, always have at least one hand on your partner’s cock.
Caution: As you know, a man’s balls can be very sensitive and some guys may be uncomfortable with someone massaging them. Apply different strokes, pressures, touching and pay attention to your partner’s reactions; he’ll give you cues like accelerated breathing, holding his breath, vocalizations, hand and arm gestures. If your partner is showing signs of sensitivity or ticklishness, change your pattern. Sometimes just reassuring him will relax him. You can talk about what you’ll be doing before you start the session, and you can ask him how he likes his cock and balls touched, or you can ask for feedback as you start fondling them.
Start by massaging the shaft of the penis.
All of the above ritual was basically prepping or teasing your partner into wanting more of your gifts. When you note that he’s ready for more intense attention, you can now move to the shaft of his now hard penis. It is important not to lapse into a mechanical routine. Vary the pressures you apply and the strokes both in direction and in speed. You can even intermittently alternate your grip from tighter to looser, and even pulsate your grip in one place or as you move along the shaft of his penis. You should use stroke variations by using a straight up stroke from the base to the head, a downward stroke from the head to the base, as well as a twisting motion in one direction or in both directions using both hands.
Thus you can change the action from using one hand to using two hands. To avoid fatigue and to provide some variation in the sensations provide d to your partner, alternate your single-hand technique between using the right hand and using the left hand.
The speed of your movements will produce different pleasure sensations so alternate the speed from slow to fast. You can start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again; alternatively you can start with a rapid stroke and progress to a slower more resolute rate. All the while you are alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.
Alternate your shaft strokes to start from the root of the shaft all the way up to the head. Once at the head, you can either continue the straight up and down motion, or you perform a twisting movement—going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis.
Variety and alternation are key to avoiding mechanical and boring strokes, as well as avoiding any irritation caused by overworking one area.
Here are some examples of two-hand technique:
- Using both hands, grasp the penis with the fingers of both hands pointing in the same direction.
- With the one hand holding the penis with the fingers pointing in one direction, place the other hand around the penis with the fingers pointing in the other direction.
- In the two techniques above, both hands will move up and down at the same time. Ensure that you are using enough lube or oil so that your movements and strokes create a smoother, gliding motion.
- In another technique, you will move your bottom hand (the hand closest to the base of the penis) up and down while the other hand performs a twisting or a swirling movement while gently grasping the head of the penis.
- ·It is important that your partner does not ejaculate. He should not cum at any point in lingam massage. Practice cum control or “edging” to prevent ejaculation. The longer you can keep him from orgasm or cumming, the more cosmic the ultimate experience will be.
Your partner may be at a point now where he is begging to cum; he’ll be so aroused that he’s on the edge of finishing. By paying close attention to and staying aware of his responses like his breathing, vocalizations, and body movements, those cues will tell you how close he is to orgasm and cumming.
As soon as you become aware that he’s on the edge, at the point of orgasm and cumming, or if he tells you he’s almost there, take a break in the technique, or just slow it down, and remind him to breathe deeply and slowly, and surf the wave of pre-orgasmic feelings he’s experiencing.
It is completely normal if your partner goes from being rigidly hard to semi-hard or even soft during the ritual. This is actually supposed to happen. I would recommend that you talk about this before the session to avoid his becoming stressed or embarrassed that he lost his erection. This will happen several times during the session and it’s good to know and to expect it to happen.
At an appropriate point in the penis massage, move to the “sacred spot”, the P-spot, and massage the sacred spot externally.
The “sacred spot”or P-spot is the prostate, a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When the prostate is massaged it can very pleasurable for your partner.
You can massage the prostate either externally or internally. You approach the prostate internally by inserting one or two lubed fingers into your partner’s lubed anus. Alternatively, instead of your finger(s), you can use a special sex toy specifically designed for prostate massage. External prostate massage is done by locating the small bump between your partner’s balls and his anus, and massaging the prostate without penetration.
External prostate massage may be advisable if your partner has never had internal stimulation of the P-spot. Locate the sacred spot, by identifying a small between the testicles and the anus; it can vary in size from a large pea to a walnut. Start the massage by pushing gently inward, urging pressure on the sacred spot. Proceed slowly and gently; let your partner guide you in terms of pressure and pleasure.
Once you have found the sacred spot and have decided on a pleasurable pressure, massage the spot by applying pressure with your fingers or even your knuckles. Back off and repeat the pressure. You can also apply a circular massaging pressure. Some men tend to be hairy in this area even if they’re smooth or manscaped over the rest of their body; ensuring good lubrication in hairy areas will help you to achieve the desired sensations.
If your partner is one of the hairy ones, you’ll have to use more oil to massage the area. I would recommend shaving the area, itself a very arousing experience, so that you can access and massage the area more pleasurably.
The most effective technique for massaging the sacred spot is to stimulate it internally.
If you’ve started with external prostate massage, ask your partner for permission to proceed to the next level of intensity with an internal massage. If he’s ready, relax and prepare his anus with massage oil or lube. Start by massaging the area around his anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Do not attempt to penetrate into the anus yet, even with one finger. Ask your partner’s permission or ask if he’s ready for you to insert a finger. Don’t stress him; just ask him if he’s ready for more intense attention.
If your partner wants penetration, prepare him for insertion by ensuring that both his anus and your fingers are well lubed or oiled up. As I have stated in my remarks elsewhere on preparation, make certain that your finger nails are trimmed down and all jagged edges are filed down smooth. The tissues around and inside the anus are delicate and you don’t want to injure or traumatize them.
Start by slowly and gently inserting the tip of one finger, don’t penetrate any deeper into your partner than up to the first finger joint. Make little wiggling and back-and-forth movements to relax him, let him adjust to the sensations, and to allow his sphincters adjust. When your partner is comfortable with this prepping, ask him for permission to proceed with inserting your finger(s) more deeply. You’ll need to insert your finger or fingers up to or just beyond the second finger joint, because the prostate is 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, and towards the front, towards the belly button.
You’ll be able to identify the prostate because it is about the size of a walnut and similar in shape. Once you have located it, caress it by massaging it with your finger(s), moving from side to side, up and down. Massaging the prostate is referred to as “milking” it using a beckoning motion of with your finger(s). It’s important to ask your partner how your massaging feels and ensuring he’s comfortable and enjoying the attention. It’s very important that you let him guide what you are doing.
Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do using the fingers because fingers vary in length and in stamina; your finger may not be able to get the range of movement or can get fatigued. If this is the case, purchase a sex toy designed specifically for prostate massage, and take it to the next level.
How to bring the massage to a finish.
There are two general ways to finish the massage session: you can stimulate your partner to climax with a final orgasm and ejaculation, or you can move into a next stage of homoerotic tantric ritual and proceeding to intercourse.
If your partner is practicing semen retention, you can have him hold all his cum as he learns to channel all of the energy of genital orgasm from his genitals into whole body energy orgasm.
When I describe homoerotic tantric sex to men, their initial reaction is “Sex for hours? No way!” The practice of tantric sex is not to have marathon sex sessions (though that is achievable and not a bad idea). The principle of homoerotic tantric sex to experience stronger, deeper, and more intimate connection with your partner. Such intimacy can certainly translate into exotic sex for hours and mind-blowing orgasms, but that will come in its own time, and you shouldn’t start off with such lofty goals that require patience, practice, discipline, and a very trusting partner.
Tantra principles not only help people have better sex but are also a powerful tool to release unhealthy emotions and trauma that block relationships.
Tantra is instrumental in healing because in this practice sex is sacred. It is not taboo. It is not something to be ashamed of. It gives the partners permission to integrate themselves as sexual men and own that energy as an empowered divinities. Just viewing sex as worship instead of something profane or simply biological is incredibly liberating for men practicing homoerotic tantra.
For simplicity, we can adopt the acronym KISSES to describe the essence of our Tantric engagement:
- K-Kinetic: Tantra is about tapping into and embracing our inherent sexual energy.
- I-Intimacy: Tantra principles create deeper intimacy and make a true “heart connection” through mindful sex.
- S-Slow Down: By slowing down the foreplay, full body, penis, prostate massage, anal intercourse, and the finish, followed by intimacy you better able to be fully present and more aware and attentive to the ritual, cues and responses given by your partner, and aware of your own and your partner’s needs.
- S-Sensuality: Establishing a sensual rapport before initiating the sexual ritual and techniques will ensure that you are participating in the session with your whole mind, body, and spirit and will harmonize you with your own body and allow you to be aware of and to respond to your partner’s body cues.
- E-Emotions: You will ride a wave of emotions once you learn to beceome self-aware and you achieve self-knowledge; you will then practice self-forgetfulness and stillness. With the ego’s defenses broken, you will not have to deal with all the distracting barrier emotions and will be able to enjoy the enlightened emotions of Compassion, Love, Joy.
- S-Spirituality: Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice. True Tantra is spiritual and far from being the perverted, hijacked physical practice focused only on sexual gratification and a pseudo-spirituality, the whole Westernized concept having been commandeered by the feminist movement, which totally kidnapped and misinterpreted the Shakti (the feminine principle; the primordial cosmic energy, the dynamic forces that move through the entire universe). Tantra is inasmuch feminine only because it is metaphoric as a complementarity to the Shiva masculine principle, and degraded to a gendered sociopolitical practice. Because we are embodied creatures Tantra has provided a means of incorporating our physical bodies into the rituals, whose ultimate destination is unity with the Divine, an almost universal destination for all mainstream spirititual and belief Traditions. Tantra, like yoga, must not become fragmented into profane fractional practices; Tantra, like yoga, is an integral system and Spirituality is its core and destination.
With that mission in mind, here are my five tips on how to incorporate tantric sex into your sex life:
Leave the ego at the door; be trusting, accept vulnerability, surrender to your partner, avoid judgment.
Tantra is no place to bring in your baggage accumulated from your conventional, profane sex experiences, whether they are good, bad or mediocre. Conventional, profane sex is a head game, in which we have myths, narratives, stories that we tend to apply to ourselves and to our partners; sex becomes a template in which you fill in the blanks with what you are expected to do. It becomes an egistic competitive performance game in which we judge our own body and our partner’s body; we evaluate our performance in self-pleasure and pleasuring of our partner; we have an O-ideal in terms of what orgasm should be and when it should happen. We have an incredible, sometimes debilitating anxiety about trying something new or unusual or kinky; we tend to avoid creativity or when we do it’s veiled in a façade of control. The key to our homoerotic tantric session is enter a non-judgmental, safe and sacred space, in which we have unconditional trust, submit to vulnerability, and surrender to our partner. We become self-forgetful and have no agenda — we simply surrender to the moment however long that moment will be. There’s no script.
Bliss breath is a tantra technique that makes you feel much closer to your partner, and enhances the depth of the Tantra interactions. We use a technique called bliss breath, in which you slightly constrict the back of your throat and take long, slow, deep breaths through your nose. You’ll make an unusual sound when you are doing it correctly. You will inhale and exhale in sync with your partner and in sync with the speed and rhythm of your actions, sometimes fast, and then slowing down to ride the edge of climax longer. Being in sync with our breathing will bring us into an almost trance state.
Make eye contact with your partner.
Tantric intimacy is far more than being naked with a partner and engaging in sexual interactions. We are all aware that in conventional profane sex partners can avoid true intimacy and sometimes are so wrapped up in their own experience as to be unaware of what’s going on with their partner.
We access the soul through the eyes; we feast on the vision of the beloved. We enter into their inmost being through the portals of the eyes. Make and maintain eye contact during foreplay and during sex for as long as possible. Be intense. Enter your partner through every gate. We are not accustomed to eye contact and it will feel awkward, you might feel self-conscious or embarrassed. But you must and will overcome these obstacles, and you will realize how important eye contact is to the total experience.
Concentrated eye contact the tantric session, especially when engaging in the sex and massage rituals, allows you to enter deep into the other person and allows your partner to enter deep inside you. Closed eyes during intimacy is a barrier to our purpose of entering into unity with our partner. Closing the eyes focuses the attention on our own experience or fantasies, rather than sharing with our partner. Closing the eyes may be an indication of shame or lack of trust; a fear of that deep spiritual connection. Eye contact helps you be fully connected to your own sensations and to your partner’s responses and cues.
Eye contact and feasting on your partner’s physical presence is one important way of involving the highly developed and sophisticated sense of sight in our tantric experience.
Try feather-light touching.
The sense of touch is ever present and of indispensable importance in the homoerotic tantric session. Without touch it would be almost impossible for the unenlightened practitioner or disciple to experience the many benefits of Tantra.
We can touch gently as with a kiss or light finger touching or forcefully as in some massage techniques. We have stimulating touch techniques in prostate and penis massage. You can run your fingernails gently up and down his arms, his back, his neck, etc. to produce a sensuous stimulating effect.
We also use techniques for caressing your partner with a feather-light touch or we use a very soft brush as one form of foreplay and stimulation in Tantra. The skin is a powerful and sensitive organ. This is an important technique for teasing your partner and delaying gratification; this aids in the build-up of sexual tension and energy, and increase arousal.
Such erotic tactile stimulation techniques also have a psychological effect in that they raise the level of anticipation in your partner, and increases levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine in his body. In tantra, foreplay is not about leading into hot, rough, raw sex. In Tantra, foreplay is preparatory ritual and it should be gentle, sensual, and loving while still arousing, energizing, and titillating your partner and yourself..
Yab-yum is a icon or symbol in the Buddhist art of India, Bhutan, Nepal, and Tibet. It represents the primordial union of wisdom and compassion, depicted as a male deity in union with his female consort. It is a Tibetan expression that translates literally to “father-mother” and is symbolized as two deities in a seated position with the feminine factor seated on the lap of the masculine factor, straddling him with her legs wrapped around him. To get in position, start by sitting up straight, cross-legged in front of each other and look into each other’s eyes.
Your intimate connection is established by sitting quietly, motionless, maintaining mutual eye contact, and breathing in synchrony. In this stage of homoerotic tantric engagement there is no genital touching; you will use light, feather-like touching to caress each othre. The second position or yab-yum the one partner brings his knees over the other partner’s legs. In the third position, he straddles his partner and wraps his legs around him—chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart, and genitals-to-genitals. This position may be assumed later in the session when the one partner in the feminine diety position receives the masculine diety’s penis inserted into the anus and in this position rocks to-and-fro, up and down in a stimulating, massaging dance.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a licensed sex and relationship therapist who has studied oxytocin, says, “Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. With the 20-second hug—chest-to-chest—you will feel a rush.” Can you imagine what you will feel with 15 minutes of yab-yum?
In this way the partners acting out the roles of the masculine and feminine dieties are prolonging anal intercourse and prostate massage by the masculine deity’s penis, in order to augment arousal , and build up energy and tension. I recommend that couples try this position for at least five minutes in the beginning and build up to 10 or 15 minutes.
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