Older Men are Simply HOT! When I see a salt-and-pepper handsome face, healthy, a little arrogant, well-groomed and cared for, has a bit of spunk in his stride, looks like he takes pride in his mind and body, his spirit sends that message. He’s HOT!
I often find it a bit incomprehensible that some guys are interested in twinks or 20-somethings, and seem to be so uninterested in older guys. It just seems so much more natural and sensible for someone to be attracted to a handsome, fit, daddy than to an immature, confused twit.
I’ve already written a piece on agism and playing the stupid numbers game and how shallow and useless it is. All that having been said, it’s sometimes just necessary to point things out to some people. So here goes…
First of all, it’s all about relationship and relationship is all about three things: you, your partner and what keeps you together. It’s not about what other people think or what your fake friends tell you you need to do. If you travel with a fool you travel alone. That goes for life and friends as well. Those guys who are giving you advise probably don’t know their asses from their elbows but think they can give you relationship advice. Forget about it!
Get some balls and get into a really unique and rewarding relationship that will last longer than a couple of drunken nights.
There are many benefits to a relationship between a younger man and an older man. Here are just a few:
Appreciation. An older guy probably wouldn’t feel stupid saying “Good morning, handsome!” to you every day. He’d probably not feel odd just helping you on with your jacket. He’d probably enjoy tucking you in, scruffing your hair, and turning you on when he book-ends you.
Gourmet guys. They just taste and smell really good. Like a gourmet guy. The presentation is really pleasing to the eye and gets the juices flowing. Like a beautiful meal they please the eye and the palate.
No stupid melodrama. Younger guys are usually a bit consumed by the selfish concern of where they are in their life, and how that journey is playing out by comparing with some pretty unreliable standards: their peers. Your club crowd is likely just as lost as the next guy so get a real grip on life. When you have that panic attack or throw that hissy fit or mantrum, you’ll need someone who can show you the bigger picture and give you some balance and support. He’s solid, has a little more life experience and rationality. He can bring you back down to earth. You can depend on his experience, live and wisdom. You can trust his life experience and you can be vulnerable with him; he’s there to love and to protect you.
Better Solutions, Less Blank Stares. An older partner likely has the courage to admit that he has chosen life paths that didn’t all work out, and that starting again isn’t the end of the world. Being with a man who can talk about how he felt in a situation and how he handled himself and the situation is a really great experience; its impressive, consoling, helpful. It’s certainly better than the blank stares and histrionics you’d get from inexperienced and immature “counselors.” You won’t feel alone with your problems.
Quality Sharing. Sharing is a key element to any durable relationship. You can share your household chores, your errands. You can share each other’s selections at a restaurant. It’s always great to have someone say, “I’m stopping at the market on my way home. Can you think of anything we need?” When we are young we are pretty self-centered and selfish; sharing is a skill and it’s learned as we grow older and mature. Sharing the workload or sharing responsibilities in a compromise doesn’t raise issues, it makes them more livable.
Being Grateful and Showing Gratitude. We have to care about the one’s we’re with. We have to take care of them. We have to be present for them. When we are selfish we notice only ourselves and what we need, just what a young child does. Some guys just never grow up. Some guys just want the glamour and never realize that the one they are pursuing is just not the right person. An older man usually will be able to know whether the fit is right or not. You can usually trust his response and his judgment. He’s more likely to know when the fit is good or even near perfect, and he will prove it every day.
Challenges? Of course there are. You’ll have to grow up. You’ll have to be real. You’ll have to be responsible. The real challenge is whether you will have the courage to love and be loved, and to live your life with your man despite what others think. The challenge is not to hand over control of your relationship to others. Sure, you’ll face criticism from friends and family but it’s your happiness that’s at stake and your relationship success. Think about it and ask yourself: “Do they see what I can see?” “Do they know what I know?” “Would they rather I have relationships that hurt me and make my cynical, unhappy?”
If you are comfortable enough in your own sense of moral and ethical values you can judge for yourself. Society’s pressures and prejudices are not really the values you need to apply to something as important as a life relationship. As long as you are not being used or taking the role of someone’s “mistress” you should consider going for it!
There are some great public relationships between younger and older men, and some celebrities have done us a great service in going public with their unique relationships. Here’s an example: 9 Famous Gay Men With Younger Boyfriends.
Here are a couple of links to articles about younger men in relationships with older men:
So by now you might be asking if there are any limits. Should my man be 15, 20, 30 years older than me. What’s the best range. The answer is that there is none. I don’t think that anyone immature, whether he’s 25 or 85, should go into any relationship lightly. I don’t think that a mature man should be diddling with young boys or older immature boys. That’s a recipe for disaster! But I do think that it’s a matter of individual choice and taste. You have to take any relationship choice very seriously because the consequences can be very serious.
Aren’t you sick and tired of “friends” asking “How old are you?” I am.
If we are to get out of this moral and spiritual cesspool we’ve gotten ourselves into, we are going to have to re-form our images of ourselves and our perceptions of others. We have to recognize the reality of who we are as individuals and as members of a common cosmos.We have to acknowledge what we are as ephemeral temporal material beings subject to the ravages of time and the wear and tear of simply living. We have to accept that what we are in this moment is completely other than what we will be in the next moment. Even as you read these words, you are irreversibly changing; there’s no turning back.
As Heraclites taught several 25 centuries ago, “panta rhea“, everything is in a flux. More clearly stated: You can never step into the same river twice. Why? Because “panta rhea,” it’s constantly moving along, the water you stepped into a moment ago is no longer there; new water has taken its place. That’s why we call Time metaphorically a river, although Time itself is a metaphor, because it’s constantly flowing, every instant is different from the last.
In the maladapted western concept of linear time, most of you are thinking of moving along a linear path running from your conception in a moment of sexual ecstasy to your final moments and the moment of your death. Along that linear path called life you place markers called years and plot your journey by the number of these markers you pass. Some of you will pass just a few and then end your journey; others will pass many of them before their journey comes to an end. Your reality is that you are compelled to accept that you have a beginning and an end, just as all line segments, all paths, all journeys. They have a beginning and an end. If you think about this you become confused and anxious so you stop thinking about it and go into denial. You’re being pursued. You can run. You can’t hide.
When we think in terms of linear time, it’s impossible to escape the raw anxiety that with every step we take, we move closer to an end, to oblivion. Linear time forces us to attempt to do as much as possible in the time allotted and in the time remaining. With each step we approach that mysterious gate, beyond which lies the unknown.
While we move forward we attempt to distract ourselves from the horizon that moves closer and closer with each passing instant. We might cling to each moment or we might self-destructively seek some sort of bacchanalian distraction like sex, alcohol, drugs, extreme behavior. But panta rhea, we are hemorrhaging life.
The anxiety forces us to attempt to control something, anything. We want to apply the brakes to the out-of-control movement. We have lost control of ourselves so we reach out, out beyond our center, our soul. We reach out so helplessly, like the man being swept away by a flood who in his desperation reaches out to clutch a blade of grass, hoping it will save him…but it doesn’t. Think of yourself. You are constantly reaching out of your center, increasing the distance between your soul and your spirit, putting ever greater distance between what you think you are and your safe center, your true self. Some of you are so far removed from your true self that you have nowhere to go but farther and farther out. But you’ll never find the security you need out there, will you?
You don’t know the person in the next apartment but you send pictures of your penis to someone half-a-world away? Idiotic? You post pictures of someone else in your profile. Isn’t that sick? Do you loathe yourself so much that you deny your self?
Just look at what you’ve become. Look at where you find your life companions. Are you on Facebook? So called social media? How much time do you spend gazing into the screen of your smartphone each day? How many selfies do you take? How many of you post idiotic videos of yourself doing some foolish “erotic” dance for the entertainment of millions? We all like a clown show and you provide the show. How many of you post a picture of someone you’d like to be, too afraid to post the picture of who you are in reality? Who exactly are you deceiving? How many of you surf the Internet looking for the perfect body, the perfect face, the perfect hair, the perfect ass, the perfect cock? And then you post it on Facebook for your “friends” to enjoy. Question: What do you see when you look in the mirror? Question: How do you feel when you’re alone, the crowds have gone home and you are faced with quiet, with silence, with solitude. Can you enjoy being along with yourself, quiet, silent? Just the one of you?
A question for self-reflection: What do you feel when you lose Internet connectivity?
You see, that’s one of the greatest problems we face today. We can’t be alone with ourselves. We can’t be comfortable in silence. We can’t accept who or what we are, and if we can’t accept ourselves we have an even greater difficulty accepting others. We’ve lost the gift of being and belonging. We’ve become strangers to ourselves. We’ve lost the ability to just be.Belonging means be-longing for something worth having, something of value.
We have objectified ourselves and we have objectified others. When we objectify someone, they become things and things have certain physical qualities both positive and negative. Things either have a use or they do not. Things are either desirable or they are not. We can keep things or discard them. We lose interest in things over time because they become either no longer attractive or they lose their usefulness; they become ordinary. We have more things today than humanity has ever had before and yet we fail to appreciate any one of them for very long and our attention span has become so short we have to move on to the next one. We do the same thing with objectified human beings. And then we wonder why, at the end of the day, at the end of the journey, we stand alone in despair. Read some of the lonely cries of desperation on that evil venue for lost souls, Facebook, and reflect on where you are in the picture.
Not only are most of you fixated on the physical, ever searching for the ideal that you’ll never be and which will always be beyond your reach (prisoner reaching for water just out of his reach), you are in denial that you are changing along with everything else around you. You, dear friend, are getting older. Time is working its magic on you, too. Do you want to live another year? Another 5 years? Another 10? How about another 30? Who, what, where will you be then?
When you ask the question, “How old are you?” What do you think that means? Well, here’s a thought: Your false self, the ego, is the great comparer. Your ego is constantly comparing what it thinks it is to everything else. The ego’s single most important purpose is to survive, to come out on top, and so it tries very hard to compare and find some sort of advantage. It doesn’t matter to the ego if the advantage is real or just fabricated; the ego is the fake self and being fake doesn’t really care if anything is true or not. So you ask the question so you can compare and draw your conclusions as to what’s in it for you, the ego. After all, most of my readers are pure egos and nothing really real or honest. You ask the question hoping for the right answer but you’re not quite certain what the right answer is so you want the most desireable answer, the most attractive answer. Right? Because you, the ego, are in denial of your own fatality, finitude, mortality the only most attractive answer is an age farthest from that mysterious door you are so fearful of. Anything closer to that door than you are is taboo. Because you are in denial, you are also looking for something else: something that you can possess for as long as possible. This means that you want something that will either last as long as you do or will last longer than you will. “You” being the false self, the ego. Purely physical. Purely unreal. Purely you.
Why does age mean so much to some of you? If you are say under 30, what have you actually done? What do you actually know? Who are you? I say 30 because in many cultures 30 has a sort of mythical quality about it. It seems it’s a liminal age, a threshold from one level to another. The Greeks and the Hebrews felt that a man received his true soul when he hit 30; you were not a complete person until you reached at least 30, and you could not even enjoy full rights of citizenship until you reached a mature age, usually well beyond 30 years old. But when the life expectancy was generally 40 years for most people, 30 was ripe. Now we can expect to live into our 80s and 90s and still have a working mind and a healthy body. the new 30 is likely 70 or 80. But the ancients expected that by 30 you’d have made some very important life experiences, that you would have acquired not only an education but formation, that you would have acquired knowledge plus experience and know how to put the two together to be both moral and ethical. That equals wisdom.
Time is not linear it is circular. A clock is not a timeline but a circle for the simple reason that time does not begin or stop, it continues without beginning or end. The ancients had all the time in the world because their time was not linear, it was circular, cyclical. They could find time to sit on a rock and reflect on the flowing river and imagine it to be Time. The appreciated the flight of a comet or the passing clouds. They could reflect on the journey from youth to seniority and appreciate every milestone in that remarkable journey. The youth cherished the mature man, and the mature man cherished the youth; they complemented, completed each other. They were not mutually exclusive and they did not contrast; they completed each other. Material consumerism has destroyed our sense of completeness, of oneness with the universe and with each other. We have replaced those rewarding, warm, productive, true relationships with our electronic toys. Rather than experience the loving embrace of a companion who can share something incredibly transcendent with us we choose to embrace our smartphones and the cold, empty, virtual relationships with “friends” we shall never touch, taste, titillate. And you wonder why you are confused, lonely, unable to find peace?
I believe very strongly in maintaining health in mind, body and spirit. To maintain holistic health takes time and energy. When I’m working out in my fitness center I teach that the workout is not only a physical activity, it’s mental and spiritual. Because of its triple purpose it requires attention, application, concentration. I converse with the muscles I’m working; that’s mental. I transcend the physical and meditate on what is going on in my soul when I polish my temple; that’s the spiritual. I feel my fatigue and sense my strength. I feel how my body exudes confidence and power. I am comfortable in my coordination and graceful movement; that’s the physical. But there’s something more: those around me sense me. Rather they sense something that we perceive to be me but it’s different. It’s that mysterious something that has no name but is. It’s that something that makes a perfect stranger say something to me, starting a conversation, a relationship. It’s that something that invites and offers a safe space. I don’t pose a threat; I offer an embrace, which my new friend comfortably accepts. It’s that sacred space where spirit and material meet. It’s that threshold space where the self dies and communion begins. It’s the experience of strong hands on a surrendering body; it’s the silence of being alone but together in an erotic union. It’s the perichoresis of the lover, the beloved, and and the love that binds them. It’s what being is all about.
No one asks “How old are you?” We have transcended that falseness. Linear time is no longer important…as if it ever was. In that transcendent moment, an eternal moment, we coexist in cyclical, circular time. That time is the perfect square which has no corners. I can truly imagine that moment as being like the mature man embracing the immature youth in a tangle of tenderness and ecstasy, each sharing with the other the transcendence and beauty he can offer in trust, vulnerability, abandon, surrender, communion, and union. It’s the same feeling one should have when on a mountain top or gazing into a clear night sky; its a feeling of trust, vulnerability, abandon, surrender, communion and union. We are individually one. It makes no sense to create false and artificial barriers to separate ourselves from others.
We are meant to complement each other by offering our true selves. We have to recognize and adopt the wisdom that the physical body is like froth on a wave. We have to recognize that the builder of our false self is the ego, and once we know that builder, we never allow him to build us again.
My whole philosophy about relationships and intimacy may fall through the cracks after you read this but please don’t think that I’ve changed my mind about anything having to do how we can manage spirituality in our most intimate moments, using that sexual spirituality to increase our ecstasy when sharing with a lover.
Normally, I would say hold off on ejaculating for as long as possible, practicing cum control (I’ll be writing about that soon) until the very end and then exploding, while experiencing multiple orgasm-like moments throughout the session. Male orgasm is not cumming; cumming is ejaculating, shooting your cum load. Orgasm is that transcendent experience you have just before cumming and it’s that transcendence that I like to extend, expand and repeat during a love-making session.
In a recent scientific article, however, Harvard Medical School publishes research findings that support the idea that male sexual health is enhanced by ejaculating more often than most men tend to think. This Harvard study is good news for sexually active men.
According to the study:
The scientists found no evidence that frequent ejaculations mark an increased risk of prostate cancer. In fact, the reverse was true: High ejaculation frequency was linked to a decreased risk. Compared to men who reported 4–7 ejaculations per month across their lifetimes, men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month enjoyed a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer. And the results held up to rigorous statistical evaluation even after other lifestyle factors and the frequency of PSA testing were taken into account.
The studies from the United States and Australia do little to answer these critical questions — but they do open a new avenue for research. Since both report that a high frequency of ejaculation early in adulthood has the greatest impact on the risk of prostate cancer decades later, they call attention to the role of events early in life, when the prostate is developing and maturing. Sexual activity in adolescence may be a predictor of risk in adulthood.
The researchers found that the risk of prostate cancer in men aged between 20 and 29 and 40 and 49 was significantly reduced if they ejaculated at least 21 times a month, whether through sex or masturbation. This was compared with men who ejaculated just four-to-seven times a month.
That theory might have parallels in folk wisdom. When these results were reported last year, a Medscape reader commented that the results make common sense, and urged his fellow male readers to “keep the pipes clean boys!”
The researchers offer a number of hypotheses why ejaculation may help reduce prostate cancer risk, such as reducing stress or keeping cell metabolism well regulated. But these suggestions remain in the realm of speculation. Despite any lurid tales you may have heard growing up, masturbation is entirely safe. So if you want to do it as a preventative method then it wouldn’t pose any health risks.
Now, this information should not be interpreted to mean that we should all run out and become promiscuous sluts or chronic wankers, or that risky sexual behavior is acceptable. What it does mean is that safe and considerate sexual activity is healthy and keeps us healthy.
This does not contradict the importance of prolonging the ejaculation by cum control or so-called edging. I feel that the sexual experience is not just about cumming or cumming together but about entering the spirit of one’s partner and transcending the mere physical experience of cumming.
I’ll be writing more about cum control or “edging” in a new article and tell you how to practice it. For now, boys, cum more and stay healthy!
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