Venerating and Worship of the Masculine Wand of Light: Lingam Massage

A big part of male sacred sexuality is learning to love and worship the penis, the lingam, not simply as a pleasure tool, but worshiping it as a sacred wand of light and creation. The penis or the lingam has since time immemorial been revered as a powerful symbol of masculine energy, power and creative potential.

While for most men the penis is the focus of their physical sexuality and eroticism, and while it is truly the locus of the most concentrated masculine energy, lingam massage is but a sub-ritual of a total homoerotic Tantra session; its chakra is located at the base of the penis and is associated with the first or root chakra (located in the perineum in the male). I recommend that lingam massage be optimally included with a method of achieving multiple erotospiritual cosmic orgasm, massage of the so-called “sacred spot”, the P-spot, or prostate massage, the locus of the second chakra. (Click here to read my essay on Prostate Massage.)

Homoerotic Tantra is an erotospiritual practice and involves the triad of mind, body and spirit. In order to derive the whole range of benefits from the practices and rituals, you must suspend any form of judgement, you must trust your partner completely, you must be willing to be authentic (genuine and truthful), self-forgetful (leave the ego at the door). You must be willing to surrender to your partner, and accept your responses and reactions with abandonment and freedom. In our homoerotic Tantra session we will join other esoteric traditions of erotospiritual practices that are conceived to overcome the separation of sacred (spiritual) and profane (physical sexual) love.


A big part of sacred sexuality is becoming comfortable in worshipping the penis as a sacred organ and the site of the greatest concentration of masculine spiritual energy, and to reverence it through ritual manipulation or massage.

The lingam massage I am describing you can be done two ways. The first method is for men to learn when soloing, so they can practice edging on themselves during masturbation.

In the second method, a partner gives the receiver the massage. It can be a separate ritual unto itself or it can be a form of prepping or foreplay before tantric sex.

In Tantra, we connect with our partner on a deeply personal and on a spiritual level. We also connect with the universal sexual chi or life energy that is in our partner’s body as an energetic creative life force. One way to do this is through lingam massage. An oversimplification of lingam massage would be to call it an exotic hand job. But the difference is that lingam massage is performed as a sacred ritual mindfully, reverently, trustfully, and in a spirit of self-forgetfulness and self-emptying, being aware of and responsive to your partner as both the giver and recipient of a priceless gift.

Unlike your profane hand job, the lingam massage involves not only skilled ritual massaging and stroking of your partner’s penis, it can also include more advanced erotic massage technique, including stimulation and manipulation of the scrotum and balls, perineum, the anus, and the Sacred Spot (the prostate).

Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to “wand of light.” In Tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam, or penis, from a place of the utmost love and respect. By bringing a partner pleasure through his “wand of light,” we share and are filled with that same creative energy or “light“ in a sensuous, erotospiritual exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure, joy and love.

Lingam massage is a ritual that truly honors a man and his masculine power but we perform the ritual also to give him physical pleasure and ecstasy, and orgasm. Your partner’s penis is the tabernacle of a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi, and knowing how to stimulate and circulate that energy is very powerful gift.

Statues of the Shiva lingam, a symbolic representation of god Shiva, represents a state of meditation. Lingam (Sanskrit: लिंगम्: liṅgaṃ, literally a sign, symbol or mark) is an abstract or aniconic representation of the Shaivite Hindu deity, Shiva. For Tantric practitioners the Shiva lingam embraced a secret meaning: that this powerful divine energy is present in the male body, most concentrated in the penis, which contains the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.

In order to engage your partner in sacred homoerotic sex you need to approach your male partner’s body as a holy temple and his penis as the most holy part of his entire physical body.

Sacred sex is not just one orgasm, one ejaculation and being finished, only to roll over and go to sleep. Sacred homoerotic sex is about learning to ever escalating levels of love, joy and pleasure that will mature into waves of multiple orgasms during the massage session. In order to achieve this ecstasy, you will perform lingam massage or tantric penis massage on your partner.

The ritual described below can be performed solo in order to practice masturbation and energy control, or you can perform it on your partner in a mutual ritual for joy and love, and to train for energy control.

For ease in understanding let’s call the giving partner the “masseur” and the receiving partner, the “recipient.” This will make it easier to follow the ritual acts and movements.

The session can begin with a short bath ritual, if appropriate facilities are available. In the alternative, the ritual bathing can be done in the shower and combined with energetic and sensuous touching. The ritual bathing and touching will ease any initial anxiety and is preparation for the homoerotic Tantra session and the massage rituals.

Briefly, we start with a gentle massage of the inner thighs, moving up to the genitals, the perineum and slowly moving to the sacred spot (either externally or internally). This technique will stimulate an inner relaxation which aids the hip and adductor muscles to relax and butterfly. When this configuration is maintained naturally and in conjunction with focused breath-work your partner will feel a pleasurable “ballooning” sensation in and around the pelvic area. This relaxation will allow you to caress and massage your partner’s sacred spot more deeply and pleasurably. You will become aware of and sensitive to tension areas and pleasure spots, and such reading of your partner’s responses will allow additional pleasure from increased stimulation. One of the indications that your partner, the receiver, may give is when he starts meeting your penetration to deepen it or he will start rocking his hips, meeting and seducing the caressing finger.

Stimulating the sacred spot is a technique unto itself but can be used during lingam massage for an added boost of pleasure and to enhance your partners orgasm(s).

Including deep abdominal breathing work during the extended genital and prostate massage will relax your partner body and greatly enhance the over-all experience. Breath-work is what, ultimately, brings forth a whole body orgasmic experience. As a person begins to recognize the chronic tension and holding patterns held within the body, a higher level of awareness will also develop. With intention and touch the body can begin to “re-wire” its nervous system and find a natural rhythm and frequency.

In general, we will practice a breathing technique that is deep, rhythmic, and focused. The masseur will assist in this breathing practice and guide the receiver. One essential focus will be on the urethral and anal sphincter muscles and application of the general rule: on inspiration contract the sphincters and on expiration relax them.


  1. Create an ambiance of relaxation and eliminate any interruptions.

Before starting any session, make certain that you have all of the necessary materials and paraphernalia prepped and placed conveniently within reach. The type of session and your personal preferences will dictate what you’ll need but the basics will include: Lube an massage oils, towels and tissues, a set of feathers, a very soft make-up brush, several candles or tea lights, a sound system with appropriate chants or background music, mats, pillows or cushions, a large sitting cushion.

Have all of your oils and fragrances, flavors (blow, touch, taste, kiss ritual) within comfortable reach.

You might want to have a temple bell or a small gong nearby to signal transitions and to redirect attention.

Ensure that the room is darkened and that the room temperature is set to provide a comfortable temperature for being naked. Ensure that all possibility of interruption by noise, animals, and people is minimized.

  1. Set the tone of trust and intimacy.

After exchanging intimate embraces, gently guide the recipient to his knees and support him as you bring him gently and lovingly onto his back. Position his arms at his sides palms up. Gently position his legs in the extended position, slightly parted, and his knees slightly raised. so that you can comfortably fit your knees between them. I would suggest rolling up a towel and placing it under his neck. In this position, you will have easy access to his penis, the perineum, and his anus; you will be massaging all of these areas during the ritual.

Take a position to his side, and seated on a cushion, take a small drum or clapper sticks, and set a rhythm for your mutual breathing.

Breathing is important. It should be slow, deep and rhythmic. On inspiration, you both should tense your anal and urethral sphincters, on the expiration relax the sphincters. Remind him to breathe deeply and attempt to keep your breathing rhythm. You may want to use a small drum or sticks to set a breathing rhythm.

The Tantric gaze is a very important part of our homoerotic ritual. Gaze into your partner’s eyes, enter him through his eyes. Hold the gaze and if it is broken at times by the massage ritual, return to it. Gaze upon your parter’s beautiful body and describe it in loving terms to him.

Read the mystic love poetry of Hafiz or Rumi, commit some of the beautiful verses to memory and recite them softly while reverencing your lover’s body.

Always be in contact with your lover’s body at some point, even if you have to reach for an oil or a fragrance or a flavor. Never break the connection or the energy flow during the ritual.

3.      Give special attention to the rates and patterns of breathing.

Deep, regular, synchronized breathing is a characteristic of homoerotic tantric ritual and controlled breathing is what makes Tantra so different from routine, mechanical sex. In Tantra, we practice the concept of “bliss breath.” This means that during the body massage ritual, lingam or prostate massage ritual, you should remember to breathe in such a way as to receive your partner’s energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale and send him loving energy on the exhale.

When you conceive of your breathing in terms of “bliss breath” during the homoerotic ritual, you and your partner will

  • Experience a deeper feeling of worship, enhanced meditation and mindfulness, and a greater feeling of love for your partner;
  • You will have a heightened sensitivity to and you will become empathetic to his perceptions and responses, and his sensations and emotions.
  • Your sexual intuition will be enhanced and you will be more attuned to and aware of what your partner finds most pleasurable by responding to such things as his breathing, his vocalization, and his physical responses to your gifts of attention and service.

4.      Assist your partner in his breathing depth and rhythm.

Even before the homoerotic tantric session, during the initial intimacies, you and your partner should tune into each other by practicing bliss breath together. You can practice this by taking a few breaths together in synchrony. Deep rhythmic breathing in harmony and synchrony with your partner will calm you both, will bring you biospiritual rhythms into sync, and will have beneficial effects on your heart rate and blood pressure. During the meditations and during the massage rituals, gently and softly encourage your partner to breathe deeply, relax, let go, release, and receive all of the energy flowing between you.

5.      Oils and lube are essentials.

Touch is an essential mode of transmission of the spiritual energies during these rituals. Touch is actually a continuum of connected points, and the smoother the better. If the skin or the hands are dry, there will be a sensation of catching and pulling, similar to microvelcro, and the sensation created will be distracting and unpleasant. Lubrication allows touch to be gentle gliding, seamlessly connecting the infinite number of points into one unique pattern; it is that pattern that will create the pleasure, joy and love you are co-creating with your partner.

The Massage Ritual

Since lingam massage is such an important ritual in our homoerotic practice, we’ll focus on that ritual in the method below.

First of all, generously lubricate and gently massage around the penis.

In general, I recommend the use of high quality massage oils scented with aromatherapeutic essential oils like [jasmine, ylang ylang, bergamont, sandalwood, ginger, etc.]. Because the area around the penis, perineum and anus are so rich in nerves and the tissues are delicate, I recommend using a very mild oil like coconut oil or almond oil as your base, which have a very pleasant fragrance and flavor. Use the oil to lubricate the shaft of the penis and the scrotum, passing down the perineum to the area around the anus, then navigate back to the scrotum, massaging the sack and your partners balls.

Don’t go straight for the penis but start your gifts by running your hands up and down his inner thighs before slowly moving up to his crotch. The inner thighs are one of the male erogenous zones, and massaging the inner thigh will pleasure him while at the same time relaxing him.

Gently whisper instructions, compliments, or loving words while you are massaging him. Let him become aware of your breathing and soft vocalizations while you are attending to him.

Move onto the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. The scrotum is very sensitive and running your fingernails gently on his scrotum can be very pleasurable. Cup his scrotum and balls in your one hand and gently pull on them. At some point here you can cup his balls in your hands and fondle them by rolling them on the palms of your hands.

The general area of attention in lingam massage includes all of the area around his balls and penis, from the pubic bone in front to his inner thighs, and his perineum (which is the area between his balls and his anus) to around his anus, but the focus is the penis and during lingam massage, always have at least one hand on your partner’s cock.

Caution: As you know, a man’s balls can be very sensitive and some guys may be uncomfortable with someone massaging them. Apply different strokes, pressures, touching and pay attention to your partner’s reactions; he’ll give you cues like accelerated breathing, holding his breath, vocalizations, hand and arm gestures. If your partner is showing signs of sensitivity or ticklishness, change your pattern. Sometimes just reassuring him will relax him. You can talk about what you’ll be doing before you start the session, and you can ask him how he likes his cock and balls touched, or you can ask for feedback as you start fondling them.

Start by massaging the shaft of the penis.

All of the above ritual was basically prepping or teasing your partner into wanting more of your gifts. When you note that he’s ready for more intense attention, you can now move to the shaft of his now hard penis. It is important not to lapse into a mechanical routine. Vary the pressures you apply and the strokes both in direction and in speed. You can even intermittently alternate your grip from tighter to looser, and even pulsate your grip in one place or as you move along the shaft of his penis. You should use stroke variations by using a straight up stroke from the base to the head, a downward stroke from the head to the base, as well as a twisting motion in one direction or in both directions using both hands.

Thus you can change the action from using one hand to using two hands. To avoid fatigue and to provide some variation in the sensations provide d to your partner, alternate your single-hand technique between using the right hand and using the left hand.

The speed of your movements will produce different pleasure sensations so alternate the speed from slow to fast. You can start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again; alternatively you can start with a rapid stroke and progress to a slower more resolute rate. All the while you are alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.

Alternate your shaft strokes to start from the root of the shaft all the way up to the head. Once at the head, you can either continue the straight up and down motion, or you perform a twisting movement—going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis.

Variety and alternation are key to avoiding mechanical and boring strokes, as well as avoiding any irritation caused by overworking one area.

Here are some examples of two-hand technique:

  • Using both hands, grasp the penis with the fingers of both hands pointing in the same direction.
  • With the one hand holding the penis with the fingers pointing in one direction, place the other hand around the penis with the fingers pointing in the other direction.
  • In the two techniques above, both hands will move up and down at the same time. Ensure that you are using enough lube or oil so that your movements and strokes create a smoother, gliding motion.
  • In another technique, you will move your bottom hand (the hand closest to the base of the penis) up and down while the other hand performs a twisting or a swirling movement while gently grasping the head of the penis.
  • ·It is important that your partner does not ejaculate. He should not cum at any point in lingam massage. Practice cum control or “edging” to prevent ejaculation. The longer you can keep him from orgasm or cumming, the more cosmic the ultimate experience will be.

Your partner may be at a point now where he is begging to cum; he’ll be so aroused that he’s on the edge of finishing. By paying close attention to and staying aware of his responses like his breathing, vocalizations, and body movements, those cues will tell you how close he is to orgasm and cumming.

As soon as you become aware that he’s on the edge, at the point of orgasm and cumming, or if he tells you he’s almost there, take a break in the technique, or just slow it down, and remind him to breathe deeply and slowly, and surf the wave of pre-orgasmic feelings he’s experiencing.

It is completely normal if your partner goes from being rigidly hard to semi-hard or even soft during the ritual. This is actually supposed to happen. I would recommend that you talk about this before the session to avoid his becoming stressed or embarrassed that he lost his erection. This will happen several times during the session and it’s good to know and to expect it to happen.

At an appropriate point in the penis massage, move to the “sacred spot”, the P-spot, and massage the sacred spot externally.

The “sacred spot”or P-spot is the prostate, a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When the prostate is massaged it can very pleasurable for your partner.

You can massage the prostate either externally or internally. You approach the prostate internally by inserting one or two lubed fingers into your partner’s lubed anus. Alternatively, instead of your finger(s), you can use a special sex toy specifically designed for prostate massage. External prostate massage is done by locating the small bump between your partner’s balls and his anus, and massaging the prostate without penetration.

External prostate massage may be advisable if your partner has never had internal stimulation of the P-spot. Locate the sacred spot, by identifying a small between the testicles and the anus; it can vary in size from a large pea to a walnut. Start the massage by pushing gently inward, urging pressure on the sacred spot. Proceed slowly and gently; let your partner guide you in terms of pressure and pleasure.

Once you have found the sacred spot and have decided on a pleasurable pressure, massage the spot by applying pressure with your fingers or even your knuckles. Back off and repeat the pressure. You can also apply a circular massaging pressure. Some men tend to be hairy in this area even if they’re smooth or manscaped over the rest of their body; ensuring good lubrication in hairy areas will help you to achieve the desired sensations.

If your partner is one of the hairy ones, you’ll have to use more oil to massage the area. I would recommend shaving the area, itself a very arousing experience, so that you can access and massage the area more pleasurably.

The most effective technique for massaging the sacred spot is to stimulate it internally.

If you’ve started with external prostate massage, ask your partner for permission to proceed to the next level of intensity with an internal massage. If he’s ready, relax and prepare his anus with massage oil or lube. Start by massaging the area around his anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Do not attempt to penetrate into the anus yet, even with one finger. Ask your partner’s permission or ask if he’s ready for you to insert a finger. Don’t stress him; just ask him if he’s ready for more intense attention.

If your partner wants penetration, prepare him for insertion by ensuring that both his anus and your fingers are well lubed or oiled up. As I have stated in my remarks elsewhere on preparation, make certain that your finger nails are trimmed down and all jagged edges are filed down smooth. The tissues around and inside the anus are delicate and you don’t want to injure or traumatize them.

Start by slowly and gently inserting the tip of one finger, don’t penetrate any deeper into your partner than up to the first finger joint. Make little wiggling and back-and-forth movements to relax him, let him adjust to the sensations, and to allow his sphincters adjust. When your partner is comfortable with this prepping, ask him for permission to proceed with inserting your finger(s) more deeply. You’ll need to insert your finger or fingers up to or just beyond the second finger joint, because the prostate is 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, and towards the front, towards the belly button.

You’ll be able to identify the prostate because it is about the size of a walnut and similar in shape. Once you have located it, caress it by massaging it with your finger(s), moving from side to side, up and down. Massaging the prostate is referred to as “milking” it using a beckoning motion of with your finger(s). It’s important to ask your partner how your massaging feels and ensuring he’s comfortable and enjoying the attention. It’s very important that you let him guide what you are doing.

Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do using the fingers because fingers vary in length and in stamina; your finger may not be able to get the range of movement or can get fatigued. If this is the case, purchase a sex toy designed specifically for prostate massage, and take it to the next level.

How to bring the massage to a finish.

There are two general ways to finish the massage session: you can stimulate your partner to climax with a final orgasm and ejaculation, or you can move into a next stage of homoerotic tantric ritual and proceeding to intercourse.

If your partner is practicing semen retention, you can have him hold all his cum as he learns to channel all of the energy of genital orgasm from his genitals into whole body energy orgasm.


When I describe homoerotic tantric sex to men, their initial reaction is “Sex for hours? No way!” The practice of tantric sex is not to have marathon sex sessions (though that is achievable and not a bad idea). The principle of homoerotic tantric sex to experience stronger, deeper, and more intimate connection with your partner. Such intimacy can certainly translate into exotic sex for hours and mind-blowing orgasms, but that will come in its own time, and you shouldn’t start off with such lofty goals that require patience, practice, discipline, and a very trusting partner.

Tantra principles not only help people have better sex but are also a powerful tool to release unhealthy emotions and trauma that block relationships.

Tantra is instrumental in healing because in this practice sex is sacred. It is not taboo. It is not something to be ashamed of. It gives the partners permission to integrate themselves as sexual men and own that energy as an empowered divinities. Just viewing sex as worship instead of something profane or simply biological is incredibly liberating for men practicing homoerotic tantra.

For simplicity, we can adopt the acronym KISSES to describe the essence of our Tantric engagement:

  • K-Kinetic: Tantra is about tapping into and embracing our inherent sexual energy.
  • I-Intimacy: Tantra principles create deeper intimacy and make a true “heart connection” through mindful sex.
  • S-Slow Down: By slowing down the foreplay, full body, penis, prostate massage, anal intercourse, and the finish, followed by intimacy you better able to be fully present and more aware and attentive to the ritual, cues and responses given by your partner, and aware of your own and your partner’s needs.
  • S-Sensuality: Establishing a sensual rapport before initiating the sexual ritual and techniques will ensure that you are participating in the session with your whole mind, body, and spirit and will harmonize you with your own body and allow you to be aware of and to respond to your partner’s body cues.
  • E-Emotions: You will ride a wave of emotions once you learn to beceome self-aware and you achieve self-knowledge; you will then practice self-forgetfulness and stillness. With the ego’s defenses broken, you will not have to deal with all the distracting barrier emotions and will be able to enjoy the enlightened emotions of Compassion, Love, Joy.
  • S-Spirituality: Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice. True Tantra is spiritual and far from being the perverted, hijacked physical practice focused only on sexual gratification and a pseudo-spirituality, the whole Westernized concept having been commandeered by the feminist movement, which totally kidnapped and misinterpreted the Shakti (the feminine principle; the primordial cosmic energy, the dynamic forces that move through the entire universe). Tantra is inasmuch feminine only because it is metaphoric as a complementarity to the Shiva masculine principle, and degraded to a gendered sociopolitical practice. Because we are embodied creatures Tantra has provided a means of incorporating our physical bodies into the rituals, whose ultimate destination is unity with the Divine, an almost universal destination for all mainstream spirititual and belief Traditions. Tantra, like yoga, must not become fragmented into profane fractional practices; Tantra, like yoga, is an integral system and Spirituality is its core and destination.

With that mission in mind, here are my five tips on how to incorporate tantric sex into your sex life:

Leave the ego at the door; be trusting, accept vulnerability, surrender to your partner, avoid judgment.

Tantra is no place to bring in your baggage accumulated from your conventional, profane sex experiences, whether they are good, bad or mediocre. Conventional, profane sex is a head game, in which we have myths, narratives, stories that we tend to apply to ourselves and to our partners; sex becomes a template in which you fill in the blanks with what you are expected to do. It becomes an egistic competitive performance game in which we judge our own body and our partner’s body; we evaluate our performance in self-pleasure and pleasuring of our partner; we have an O-ideal in terms of what orgasm should be and when it should happen. We have an incredible, sometimes debilitating anxiety about trying something new or unusual or kinky; we tend to avoid creativity or when we do it’s veiled in a façade of control. The key to our homoerotic tantric session is enter a non-judgmental, safe and sacred space, in which we have unconditional trust, submit to vulnerability, and surrender to our partner. We become self-forgetful and have no agenda — we simply surrender to the moment however long that moment will be. There’s no script.

Bliss breath is a tantra technique that makes you feel much closer to your partner, and enhances the depth of the Tantra interactions. We use a technique called bliss breath, in which you slightly constrict the back of your throat and take long, slow, deep breaths through your nose. You’ll make an unusual sound when you are doing it correctly. You will inhale and exhale in sync with your partner and in sync with the speed and rhythm of your actions, sometimes fast, and then slowing down to ride the edge of climax longer. Being in sync with our breathing will bring us into an almost trance state.

Make eye contact with your partner.

Tantric intimacy is far more than being naked with a partner and engaging in sexual interactions. We are all aware that in conventional profane sex partners can avoid true intimacy and sometimes are so wrapped up in their own experience as to be unaware of what’s going on with their partner.

We access the soul through the eyes; we feast on the vision of the beloved. We enter into their inmost being through the portals of the eyes. Make and maintain eye contact during foreplay and during sex for as long as possible. Be intense. Enter your partner through every gate. We are not accustomed to eye contact and it will feel awkward, you might feel self-conscious or embarrassed. But you must and will overcome these obstacles, and you will realize how important eye contact is to the total experience.

Concentrated eye contact the tantric session, especially when engaging in the sex and massage rituals, allows you to enter deep into the other person and allows your partner to enter deep inside you. Closed eyes during intimacy is a barrier to our purpose of entering into unity with our partner. Closing the eyes focuses the attention on our own experience or fantasies, rather than sharing with our partner. Closing the eyes may be an indication of shame or lack of trust; a fear of that deep spiritual connection. Eye contact helps you be fully connected to your own sensations and to your partner’s responses and cues.

Eye contact and feasting on your partner’s physical presence is one important way of involving the highly developed and sophisticated sense of sight in our tantric experience.

Try feather-light touching.

The sense of touch is ever present and of indispensable importance in the homoerotic tantric session. Without touch it would be almost impossible for the unenlightened practitioner or disciple to experience the many benefits of Tantra.

We can touch gently as with a kiss or light finger touching or forcefully as in some massage techniques. We have stimulating touch techniques in prostate and penis massage. You can run your fingernails gently up and down his arms, his back, his neck, etc. to produce a sensuous stimulating effect.

We also use techniques for caressing your partner with a feather-light touch or we use a very soft brush as one form of foreplay and stimulation in Tantra. The skin is a powerful and sensitive organ. This is an important technique for teasing your partner and delaying gratification; this aids in the build-up of sexual tension and energy, and increase arousal.

Such erotic tactile stimulation techniques also have a psychological effect in that they raise the level of anticipation in your partner, and increases levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine in his body. In tantra, foreplay is not about leading into hot, rough, raw sex. In Tantra, foreplay is preparatory ritual and it should be gentle, sensual, and loving while still arousing, energizing, and titillating your partner and yourself..

Practice yab-yum.

Yab-yum is a icon or symbol in the Buddhist art of India, Bhutan, Nepal, and Tibet. It represents the primordial union of wisdom and compassion, depicted as a male deity in union with his female consort. It is a Tibetan expression that translates literally to “father-mother” and is symbolized as two deities in a seated position with the feminine factor seated on the lap of the masculine factor, straddling him with her legs wrapped around him. To get in position, start by sitting up straight, cross-legged in front of each other and look into each other’s eyes.

The classic Tantra yab-yum embrace.

Your intimate connection is established by sitting quietly, motionless, maintaining mutual eye contact, and breathing in synchrony. In this stage of homoerotic tantric engagement there is no genital touching; you will use light, feather-like touching to caress each othre. The second position or yab-yum the one partner brings his knees over the other partner’s legs. In the third position, he straddles his partner and wraps his legs around him—chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart, and genitals-to-genitals. This position may be assumed later in the session when the one partner in the feminine diety position receives the masculine diety’s penis inserted into the anus and in this position rocks to-and-fro, up and down in a stimulating, massaging dance.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a licensed sex and relationship therapist who has studied oxytocin, says, “Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. With the 20-second hug—chest-to-chest—you will feel a rush.” Can you imagine what you will feel with 15 minutes of yab-yum?

In this way the partners acting out the roles of the masculine and feminine dieties are prolonging anal intercourse and prostate massage by the masculine deity’s penis, in order to augment arousal , and build up energy and tension. I recommend that couples try this position for at least five minutes in the beginning and build up to 10 or 15 minutes.

The Tantric yam-yab position allows total access to the partner’s energy points.

Click on this link to download a pdf version of this article: Lingam Massage.


Prostate Massage: Basics of Massaging the Male Sacred Spot

A big part of sacred sexuality is learning to love and worship the penis, the lingam, not simply as a pleasure tool, but worshipping it as a sacred wand of light and creation. The penis or the lingam has since time immemorial been revered as a powerful symbol of masculine energy, power and creative potential. A specific article is available on lingam massage on this blog at [to be published].

While for most men the penis is the focus of their sexuality and truly is the locus of the most concentrated masculine enegy, lingam massage is but a sub-ritual of a total homoerotic Tantra session, and optimally should be included with a method of achieving multiple erotospiritual cosmic orgasm, massage of the so-called “sacred spot”, the P-spot, or prostate massage, the locus of the second chakra.

Massaging the Male Sacred Spot

Homoerotic Tantra is an erotospiritual practice and involves the triad of mind, body and spirit. In order to derive the whole range of benefits from the practices and rituals, you must suspend any form of judgement, you must trust your partner completely, you must be willing to be authentic (genuine and truthful), self-forgetful (leave the ego at the door). You must be willing to surrender to your partner, and accept your responses and reactions with abandonment and freedom. In our homoerotic Tantra session we will join other esoteric traditions of erotospiritual practices that are conceived to overcome the separation of sacred (spiritual) and profane (physical sexual) love.

For most men the thought of prostate massage produces an uncomfortable reaction of curiosity and dread. But such a reaction is artifactual, and is at its origin a trust issue that must be overcome before any man can fully enjoy the benefits of homoerotic Tantra and massage as part of your erotospiritual engagement. Overcoming judgement and trust issues is one big reason why you should make prostate massage an integral part of your sexual practices; it then will become highly desirable in your erotic life and will become an enhancement of your erotic performance as well as you masculine self-esteem.

Prostate massage has been used in many traditions throughout history as a way to enhance a man’s sexual pleasure. Prostate massage is described explicitly in only a few traditions, however, and the technique described is what we call the digital massage of the prostate, either externally or internally. When prostate massage is done to enhance orgasm and produce ejaculation, we refer to it as “prostate milking.”

One of the pleasurable effects of anal intercourse is that when the penis is enters the anus the prostate is stimulated, and the ensuing thrusting motion is actually massage stimulation of the prostate. This is one of the reasons why the recipient partner’s orgasm and ejaculation during anal sex is so intense and full.

The Tantric yam-yab position allows total access to the partner’s energy points.

Prostate massage is now recognized to be beneficial therapy in men who are living with common prostate disorders as well as in its role in enhancing orgasm (more intense and multiple orgasms), promoting ejaculation (in cases of delayed ejaculation) and erectile function (as in erectile dysfunction or ED).[1]

How to do prostate massage manually[2]

Internal Prostate Massage Technique.

There are two ways you can perform prostate massage: externally or internally. There are two ways to do external or internal prostate massage: digitally or using a prostate massage too. There are two types of prostate massage tool: manual and electronic. Quite frankly, which method you use is immaterial; it’s the experience that counts. Not only does prostate massage provide a unique and intense pleasure experience, it can increase blood flow in the anogenital area, improve urinary flow, and may even contribute to prostate health in general.

As in any erotic practice, but especially in homoerotic tantric practice, there is some preparation to be done before the real interaction starts. Hygiene and preventive practices must be taken seriously to avoid injury, possible infection, and to avoid possible embarrassment.

Getting Started

If you want to give this practice a try or want to add a little flair to your sex life, follow these steps to get started:

  1. Bodily cleanliness is a must. Shower before any session making certain to give attention to the genitals and the anus. If you are uncut, gently cleanse the head of the penis and behind the foreskin.
  2. There are some preparations that you can do to ensure that the rectum is empty and clean. First of all, a high fiber diet helps. Try to have a bowel movement before your shower. You will want to douche before the session to ensure that all material is out of the rectum. Make certain everything is springtime fresh in the business areas.
  3. If you are going to use the digital method it is very important that you trim and file your nails to ensure that there are no sharp edges and no burrs that that can injure the very delicate tissues. If you are going to use a glove, a finger cot, or a condom to massage the prostate, make certain you are not using a silicone-based lube.
  4. Assume one of the positions described below or have your partner get into one of the positions. This may happen automatically as you move through a tantric session and change positions, so you can play it by ear. If you find either of you are in a good position for prostate massage, go for it.
  5. Generally, don’t break the flow and spontaneity of the session by distracting procedures like putting on a glove or similar, if you can manage to discretely put on a condom on the finger or fingers, fine, otherwise you can go skin-to-skin.
  6. Place oil based lubricant on your index finger or your index and middle finger, and lube the anus and the external sphincter anus. Of course, you can use special toys instead of your fingers, but I prefer skin-to-skin finger work.
  7. Trust is absolutely essential when performing this technique; if you and your partner don’t completely trust one another, it’s not going to work. You can try your best to be relaxed but if you don’t trust your partner, you won’t be able to be completely vulnerable and surrender to his ministrations. It may be helpful to engage in gentle ass play or even rimming before the massage; this helps to relax both of you.
  8. Always communicate with your partner. Ask if he’s ready to have you insert your finger tip for the prepping phase of the massage.
  9. Gently, tentatively and slowly Insert index finger into the anus past the external sphincter, wait a second or two, and then go in past the internal sphincter, pause, and then proceed into the rectum. I repeat: do this slowly and gently. There’s no rush and if you do it clumsily you’ll kill the moment dead as a stone.
  10. Again, communicate with your partner, and ask if he’s ready to have you insert your finger(s) to explore and massage his sacred spot. Ensure that both your finger and your partner’s anus are generously lubed or oiled. This is very important.
  11. A good insertion is to penetrate about 2–3 inches in — that’s up to about your second finger joint — and pause, allowing your partner to relax before proceeding. This will allow him to adjust his position for maximum pleasure. Usually if he brings his legs up to his chest or onto your shoulders, penetration will be improved and pleasure increased. (about your second knuckle)
  12. Move the tip(s) of your inserted finger(s) upwards towards your partner’s belly button (navel), and hold for a second or two.
  13. Now, using your inserted finger(s) gently explore until you detect a roundish walnut sized mass of tissue just in back of the penis and in the wall of the rectum – You’ve found the prostate gland; this is your partner’s sacred spot.

You’re ready to begin:

  1. If you’re in the right place, your partner will react and indicate that he’s feeling a different sensation, which he may describe as strange and/or pleasurable. It’s important to note his breathing pattern and his vocalizations. His body will tell you if you’re pleasuring him.
  2. As soon as your partner is fully relaxed and you feel a release of tension on your inserted fingers, you can start moving around the prostate. Gently massage the area all around the prostate with your fingerpad, applying gentle but firm pressure, concentrating on tracing around the sacred spot (try to avoid the middle portion). The pleasure effects produced depend on the pressure applied, the speed of your massaging movements, and type of movement and these vary from individual to individual. You’ll have to go slowly and read the feedback.
  3. There is no rush so do every action slowly, gently, responsively, paying close attention to your partner’s breathing and the sounds he is making; don’t go for the penis yet, and you may even want to avoid touching his penis in order to produce the most intense prostate orgasm.
  4. You can experiment with bringing your partner to multiple prostate orgasms (P-orgasms) as possible before you decide to move on in the session or to begin milking the prostate or orally stimulating him while massaging his prostate, or you can masturbate him or he can do himself to experience very intense ejaculation. How you want to handle the ejaculation depends on you but it’s always useful to have a towel nearby.
  5. If you bring your partner to ejaculation by massaging his prostate this is what we call “milking” the prostate. After one or several P-orgasms the ejaculation is likely to be very intense, forceful and voluminous.
  6. Add more lube if you feel it would help your movements or enhance your partner’s pleasure and comfort.
  7. If there is any pain or any indication of trauma or bleeding STOP IMMEDIATELY.

  • During the prepping massage or foreplay, you may want to bring your partner to a full erection. This will increase his pleasure.
  • Use a lot of oil-based lube on your fingers, the perineum, around and in the anus. and on your partner’s penis. This is very important to ensure smooth and silky massage and to avoid any friction or discomfort, which will be distracting and can kill the moment.
  • Whether performing the massage ritual solo or with a partner, the best position is to lay down on your mat or on a bed (on your back, with the hips raised slightly on a pillow or cushion, heels close to the buttocks and the knees up). This positioning makes the areas of focus more accessible.
  • Always communicate with your partner in soft, gentle, encouraging tones. Be aware of his responses. Always ask permission before entering his sacred sanctuary. Slow down or pause as soon as you detect any tension around your fingers or if your partner is showing any signs of discomfort.


P-orgasm (prostate orgasm) is an orgasm produced by massaging the prostate. Achieving a P-Orgasm by internal prostate massage is not quantum physics, but you will need  a little practice with the particular partner; every man will respond differently. You have to find the best position for receiver and easy, comfortable, pleasurable access to the entire area is vital, so it is important to discuss possible positions and to agree on a position that will be the most comfortable for you and your partner. During a tantric session, you will be changing positions so you can play this by ear; if your partner is responding, you’ll both know when he’s ready.

Comfortable anal penetration

The following positions are probably the best ones for men and allow comfortable anal penetration and access to the prostate via the rectum:

  • Place your partner on his hands and knees (or you assume this position), legs slightly apart.
  • You can bend your partner over a table, a chair or the side of the bed.
  • Laying on his (your) side on the bed, a mat, the floor, the upper leg extended slightly forward but bent. This one works well when soloing.
  • Lying flat on his/your back with his/your knees up and on your/his shoulders.
  • Lying flat on his/your back with his/your knees up and his/your feet flat, knees pointing up.
  • Squatting, facing one another (this can be a bit awkward but allows deeper penetration).
  • Seated facing one another, your partner seated on your thighs, his legs and arms wrapped around you (this allows deep penetration and is a classic for anal intercourse). This is called the Tantric yab-yum position and is iconic of the masuline and feminine principles, Shiva-Shakti, in cosmic co-creative embrace.
The classic Tantra yab-yum embrace.

Note: If your partner is having a hard time relaxing and enjoying the experience, you may have to adjust your technique — you may be too forceful, too hurried, not using enough lube, or just not giving him permission to guide your actions — try this:

  • Ensure that your finger(s) and the area around and in the anus are well lubricated.
  • Insert your lubricated finger into the anus and gently probe for the prostate. The prostate feels like a small walnut. Pause, allow your partner to relax.
  • Once the prostate has been located, apply light pressure for several seconds using your finger pad(s), and then release the pressure. Note his responses.
  • Ask his permission to go deeper with your finger.
  • Advance the finger again and apply gentle pressure on the same or a different spot if you can. Hold for several seconds and then release. Note: If you apply pressure to the center or middle portion of the prostate, you may note that there is a release of clear fluid (precum) at the tip of the penis.
  • Repeat this massage method five to ten times, always noting your partner’s responses. It’s very likely he will have a strong erection, which is normal, and a clear fluid (precum) might appear at the tip of his penis, again this is normal depending on how you are massaging. But, for now, concentrate on the prostate not on the erection.

The external massage is to apply gentle pressure with a finger along the perineum, the area located between the scrotum and anus. Use some lube so that your finger glides easily along this sensitive area, and massage the entire perineum for several minutes. Find a slight bulge approximately midway between the scrotum and the anus and gently massage it using one, two or three lubed fingers. This is the external massage of the prostate.

How to do prostate massage with a massage device

If you are into adventure and variety, you may want to try using a prostate massage tool or an electronic massage device. There is a huge variety of models of both from which to choose both for internal and external prostate massage. Whether you use a tool or an electronic device use one designed only for prostate massage, and not one considered a “toy” or for multiple uses. If you use a tool or device, please study to product information carefully and know how to use it correctly. Study what’s offered on the market and carefully read reviews and other information about the products you are considering before you make your purchase and use it on yourself or your partner.

Several Examples of Prostate Massagers

If you purchase a prostate massager for internal massage, make certain you are using one specifically designed for internal use, that is, one that can be inserted into the anus and survive oil-based lube. The anal and rectal tissues are delicate tissues, so it is vitally important that you use a device that has been designed solely for this purpose.  You may find that you prefer a vibration effect and you can then consider  products that have a vibration feature. Any device for internal use must be well-lubricated before insertion and even while massaging. The vibration feature triggers when the device is pressed against the prostate, and may reduce inflammation, improve blood flow, and relax the gland.

An electronic prostate massager.

External prostate massage products are designed so you can sit on them, and may also applies pressure and/or vibration stimulation to the perineum and to the prostate externally.

The prostate is the male G-spot

The prostate is the male G-spot—which was named after the pioneering sexologist Ernst Gräfenberg—the male prostate gland can help produce intense orgasms and voluminous ejaculation. The male G-spot is located about two or three inches into the rectum, measuring from the anus.

The prostate also aids in the production of seminal fluid; all male orgasms start with the prostate.  The prostate has even more nerve endings than the penis and so it is a key to male erotic pleasure.

Of course, some men just can’t trust and surrender, so it will be difficult to convince them to allow internal prostate massage. That’s not a big problem because the prostate can be externally stimulated by applying pressure to the perineum—that no-man’s land between a man’s scrotum and, since nerve endings on the perineum are closely associated with nerve endings in the prostate, applying external stimulation and pressure the perineum will send him at least a couple of rungs higher up the ladder to pleasure paradise.

Many guys who rush into lovemaking with no preparation usually end up mixing feces in their lovemaking; I call this expecting fluffy merengue and getting chocolate mousse. So, I recommend very strongly that you ensure that you have evacuated as much as possible from your rectum prior to taking a shower, that you clean the area well, and about an hour before the session, use a rectal douche. I recommend that you douche with warm water only before your tantric session and possible prostate-massage.

I manscape and if you are a hairy man, plan to shave strategic areas; I do recommend manscaping. Manscaping means removal of excess or all hair on the body, especially in the target areas. Each area of the body has different sensitivities and characteristics so not all hair removal methods will be appropriate for all body areas. Shaving, waxing, depilatories, clipping, plucking, etc. can all be used but with caution.

Fingernails are especially important. Make certain that the nails are trimmed and all sharp edges and burrs are filed down. Always ensure that you sanitize before you eroticize. If you intend to use any sex toys or stimulation tools or devices, make certain that they are carefully cleaned and disinfected before and after the session.

Agree on a position or positions that will be comfortable and pleasurable for your partner and will allow you easy access and penetration into his anus and rectum. It’s usually tight and sensitive down there so my advice is to lube, Lube, and LUBE. Sorry guys, unlike a vagina, your male anus does not self-lubricate.  You need to find a lubricant specifically formulated for anal application and you should not be afraid to use plenty of it.

Then, when you’re in the shower, insert a soapy, well-manicured finger a few times until you’re feeling squeaky clean. This doubles as opportunity to grow accustomed to the feeling of having something inserted into your butt. At first, it’s probably going to feel like you’re going to have a bowel movement, but if you make it part of your showering regimen, you can create a new pleasurable association, quite distinct from a healthy BM.

Your partners will all be different in their responses. Some guys are going to really enjoy prostate massage right from the start. Some are going to be suspicious or even refuse to try it. Still more will react the same way that most people do when trying something adventurous: they’ll learn to enjoy it over time. Most guys who make it work for them agree that their orgasms are much more intense (and very different) than what they might experience from penile stimulation alone. Some say it’s more focused, and others compare it to energy waves flowing through a region of the body or even the entire body. It depends on the masseur’s technique and experience, whether external or internal, the pressure and motion of the massage, whether an instrument is used, and, obviously, the person receiving the massage.

Both the masseur and the receiver should understand that simply massaging the prostate for a few seconds will likely not produce orgasm, and some men may not orgasm every time, but with practice, the process has been shown to be a very effective way to achieve enhanced orgasm(s) and more voluminous cum.

This technique will cause intense sexual stimulation and arousal, and your partner will become highly aroused and responsive. Don’t be surprised if he starts moving his body in response to your insertions, urging you ever deeper into his sanctuary.

Your massaging will likely give him a raging hard-on. This is a natural response when these areas are stimulated. And we all know about spontaneous erections. Yes, a strong erection will be distracting and even tempting but it will subside shortly. Just stay focused on the massage for now.

You and your partner should also expect that he will go soft or even lose the erection spontaneously. This is completely normal and expected, and shouldn’t be a cause for concern or embarrassment. (You may want to discuss this point before starting the session, just to be sure he’s comfortable and not surprised when this happens.)

Reaching a P-Orgasm through internal stimulation is not very complicated, but it will require a little practice on your side. Before you begin, it is crucial to choose a position that will be the most comfortable for you.

Pay Attention:

  • Prostate milking should never cause any pain; it should be pure pleasure.
  • Always trim your fingernails and file the edges smooth; use plenty of non-silicon lube, preferably natural botanical oils, or a non-allergenic synthetic lube to avoid skin irritation.
  • Always communicate with your partner. Ask permission before entering his sanctuary or advancing your finger(s) deeper into him.
  • Take your time, make slow and directed movements, be gentle, and be aware of, attentive to, and responsive to his responses.
  • Homoerotic Tantra is not a competition sport or a performance contest; leave that to the sexual amateurs. Homoerotic Tantra is a form of worship and a spiritual discipline. Your partner’s body is the sacred space, the place of worship. Keep this in mind at all times.
  • If soloing, do not touch your cock when internally milking your prostate to experience intense orgasm(s); do not allow your partner to fondle himself or to assist you in the massage. Tie him up if necessary. Blindfold him if he feels compelled to watch. (Bondage and blindfolding will be discussed as techniques in an upcoming essay.)

Internal Stimulation

More Tips:

  • Agree on and bring your partner to an appropriate position that is both comfortable for him and one that will allow you complete access to all areas of focus during the massage ritual.
  • Bring your partner to a full erection.
  • Use a plenty of natural botanical oil-based lube on your fingers/toys, cock, perineum, and anus.
  • If you have them, sex toys designed specifically for prostate massage or insertion into the anus can be used for technical variety or convenience, and can be used to bring your partner to orgasm and ejaculation.
  • When you want to finish with ejaculation, there will likely be a lot of cum. Depending on your practice you may receive your partner’s cum as a gift anally, as sacred food orally, or as holy anointing. You may want to have tissues or towels at hand to collect any extra.
  • Slow down, pause, or stop if you become aware of any tension in your partner or if he shows any signs of discomfort.

Signs You Are Reaching P-Orgasm

It’s only natural that the beginner will try to anticipate when he’s getting close to a prostate orgasm and in it doesn’t happen in just the way he expects it to happen, well something went wrong. What went wrong is that he fell into the trap of expectation. He started to want to control the session and he was so insecure and unprepped, he’s worried he’s doing it all wrong. The whole exercise is about relinquishing control and just getting carried by the flow. As soon as you start worrying about technique you lose the vision.

Here are some signs that you are getting closer to orgasm when receiving prostate massage:

  • Clear fluid will appear at the opening of your cock. This is pre-cum and it is a sign that the prostate massage is working.
  • You might feel the urge to pee. This is just a neurological effect of prostate massage and does not mean that you are going to piss yourself. So relax.
  • You might have spontaneous muscle contractions around the area of stimulation. The contractions might especially occur in the pelvic and thigh areas as well as legs.
  • You might have a feeling of heat or warmth in your pelvis and genitals; this is an indication that you are getting very close to orgasm.

These are just a couple of common signs but bear in mind that each one of us will respond differently. You many not experience all of these signs and you may not experience them in this order; on the other hand, you may experience other signs not mentioned here.

Please share your experiences with me either by e-mail to or leave a comment on this blog.

Homoerotic Tantra is All About Adventure and Discovery

Because of our culture and our fear of our bodies and allowing ourselves to experience pure pleasure, most men avoid anything that is related to playing with (and penetrating) their anuses. The lurid misinformation is that if a man enjoys anything like anal penetration he has to be effeminate, and not a real man. There’s nothing more masculine than the prostate; it’s just as male as a cock. Only a man can experience a prostate orgasm, and P-orgasim is an event that is so unique that you simply cannot achieve it through conventional sex. As a male brought up in the Judeo-Christian tradition or any Western tradition, the suggestion of anal penetration and prostate massage may seem aberrant or perverse but in some of the oldest and long-established religious and secular traditions it is a widely practiced discipline; you may be hesitant at first but when you are relaxed with the technique and have experienced its benefits, you will wonder how you ever enjoyed sex without it.

You will have to surrender yourself to exploding floods of cum, feeling waves of pleasure energy pass through your body, abandoning control over your physical movements, and feelings of intense emotions like joy and love. These are just a few “ecstasies” you will experience when you have included prostate massage in your homoerotic Tantric sessions on a regular basis.

To download a pdf version of this article, please click this link: Prostate Massage.

Special acknowledgement  to  (click on the image to visit ErosExoticaGay) for some of the images and information included in this essay.

[1] Note: If you know or have reason to believe you have or may have any anal, rectal, genital, prostate or other health problems, it is important to consult with your healthcare provider before you practice prostate massage either solo or with a partner.

[2] Note: In this essay and in the links provided as complements to this essay, the terms P-spot, sacred spot, prostate, prostate gland are all used interchangeably.


Tantric Practice: Do You Need a Teacher, Instructor, Guru, Mentor?

I’d like to share a reflection on the question of who is or should be a “guru” in yogic terms. First of all, I am generally adverse to neophytes in any field or subject matter throwing around technical or jargon terms. Regrettably in the west a handful of self-proclaimed spiritual leaders, both those of Oriental and those of Western origins, have set the stage for Westerners to misappropriate some very deeply meaningful terms cogent only to those natives steeped in generations of scholarship and praxis, to give the impression that they are privy to or in possession of some very ancient and esoteric, even mystical privileged knowledge, and that they are authoritative mentors or interpreters of such knowledge. My advice is to regard them with healthy suspicion. Be careful what you wish for.

Guru –
The light that dispels the darkness of ignorance.

In general, the term Tantra (Sanskrit: तन्त्र; literally “loom, weave, system”) refers to a specific school of discipline and practice within the Vedic, Hindu and Buddhist Traditions. In the West, Tantra has been inappropriately exploited and marketed in a transmuted form, and is often misrepresented, misinterpreted and confused for sacred sexuality. Tantra is a Sanskrit word which means ‘woven together’. Tantric doctrines are esoteric and most teachings are passed on through direct transmission from mentor to disciple; the overall effect of Tantra is to ‘weave’ together different yogic practices and styles of mentoring for enhancement of our engagement with the world. Tantra focuses on continuity of awareness in everyday life, and the doctrine that all of life can be sacred when approached with that intention.

Taking it a step further, Tantra yoga works with the five bodies: the physical, the energetic, mental/emotional, wisdom, and the bliss body by combining asana, mantra, mudra and work with the energetic centers of the body, the chakras. Though many Wisdom Traditions seek to transcend the limitations of physical perceptions and experience, Tantra seeks to empower the practitioner to fully engage the sensual, physical experience and deploy it as a gateway to the sacred mystic realities of Shakti awakening and enlightenment.[1]

This appreciation of such purveyors of the unfamiliar is particularly applicable to Tantra and Tantric disciplines, practices and rituals. In general, Tantra is erroneously associated with some sort of bizarre sexual practices and with a pseudospirituality with terms like yoni (sacred passage, the vulva) and lingam (the wand of light, the penis), chakra (energy centers) and kundalini (cosmic awakening), thrown about like so many rubber chickens. It has become deplorably popular to create groups and sell workshops and books describing How To techniques which are merely superficial applications of ancient priciples with a few cryptic and nonsensical explanations thrown in to give some sort of mysterious credibility to the vacuous practices described.

Let’s be quite clear on one important point: Not to wax neo-Jungian, the human brain over millenia of exposure to everything from climate to food to doctrines at some point evolves into a sort of hard-wired configuration, in which native Traditions are, well, native, unadulterated.

It has been only since the 18th century that Europeans and Westerners in general have had any exposure to the Baghavadgita or the Vedas or any of the Oriental holy scriptures, while in the East scriptural scholars have been interpreting them for several millenia in their native linguistic environment, as well as in their historical and societal contexts. It is a gross arrogance for any Westerner to presume to have or to have acquired the requisite intention, intuition, knowledge of or the interpretive skills necessary to provide a reliable exegesis of those scriptures.

Take for example the deplorable situation of just the Christian denominations, not even considering the literalist and fundamentalist movements, and their divergent translations and interpretations of the New Testament! If Westerners can’t even reach a compromise on their own Abrahamic Traditions, Traditions and traditions native to their own culture and ancestry, how on earth can they claim to have a tenable grasp of something as alien as Oriental holy scripture. The question is moot, so I am not going to continue a discussion of it.

My basic point is, in fact, that rather than presume or be so arrogant to attempt to convince the neophyte of one’s intimate knowledge and understanding of alien cosmologies, we should rather avoid using native esoteric terminology and jargon in favor of using plain English terms which are clearly and unambiguously comprehensible by the Seeker of average intelligence. This applies to the yamas and the kiyamas and all else we might be discussing in an effort to establish a standard of teaching and discipleship as a foundation for spiritual growth.

All Spiritual Growth to Maturity is a Metamorphosis.

As a theologian and interfaith religious scholar I have come to the clear conclusion that regardless of the faith or belief tradition or moral and ethical doctrines under consideration there are common threads that run through each with their correspondences in all of the other Traditions. It is these common threads that must need be identified in order to pursue a spirituality that will achieve the goal of every single faith and belief Tradition that has ever existed: Unity. That Unity may be called by any name but it is and has always been a unity that transcends the human condition and approximates a transcendent Truth, Love, Joy, Bliss, Englightenment, whatever.

Arriving at the Telos of Unity is a Rite of Passage.

Another common thread that runs through all known Traditions is that liturgy, ritual, ceremony, etc. are all tools that are intended to guide the believer or the practitioner on his pilgrimage to Unity; the quintessential source, however, in any of the Traditions is not the institutionalized expression of the belief or faith Tradition, but the mystical path to Unity. In other words, the vast majority of believers or adherents recite their prayers or mantras mechanically, perform their rituals and keep their “obligations” as a matter of social membership with little or no understanding of the Why? if even there is a Why? Very frequently the popular piety is actually based on heresy or error but the hierophants prefer to leave well enough alone, and refuse to rock the boat by correcting the error and possibly causing unnecessary confusion or even rebellion.

One of the perennial problems is the explanation of esoteric or mystical concepts is to call them mysteries. The origin of the word “mystery” is Greek (μυστήριον, mistḗrion), and the original meaning was “hidden or concealed.” Not unknowable as many use the term to mean. Properly used and understood, a mystery is knowledge or a body of knowledge that is so vast that it cannot be embraced in its entirety; some of it by necessity will always remain hidden, concealed from human understanding.

Any rite of passage involves an in-between state, a state in between the old self and the new self; it’s comparable to the cocoon stage in the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to the butterfly. It’s a state of discernment and rediscovery, of questions, of instability and insecurity. This is the stage in spiritual growth where a mentor is a life saver.

So we have the institutionalized system that is based on technique on the one hand, and the mystical tradition based on the vision on the other hand; the former embraces the majority and the latter the “initiates” or those in consecrated life, that is, the priests, the nuns, but especially the monastics.

Over the millennia, one Truth has emerged from countless great and small mystics and esoteric teachers: We each of us have all the answers to all the questions ever asked and ever to be asked. We are the tabernacles of Truth but most of us are unable to penetrate the veil of distortion that human illusion and addiction have cast over the truth. Any Tradition teaches that in order to achieve the precious Unity, the Seeker must purify the heart, that is, he must “die to the world,” “retreat to the wilderness,” reject the “illusion” and overcome the addictions. In other words, he must free himself from the conniving and self-serving false self, the ego, embrace simplicity and seek the stillness and silence within. He must be self-forgetful and by forgetting the self paradoxically become truly self-aware and thus acquire the self-knowledge necessary to enable him to approximate purity of heart.

Only a very few saints have been endowed with the necessary gifts to achieve this without the assistance of a spiritual guide.

What is a guru?

And so we have made full circle back to the initial question of what is a “guru.”

To better understand what a “guru” is outside of a virtual dissertation on yogic doctrines, the etymology of the word might prove helpful. The traditional and generally accepted etymology of the term is based on the Advayataraka Upanishad (line 16), which describes gu as ‘darkness’ and ru as ‘destroyer’; accordingly, “gu-ru”, means literally “one who destroys/dispels darkness.” That makes quite good sense if one equates ignorance or aimlessness as metaphoric darkness. So, the guru is basically a companion who pulls us out of the abyss of ignorance.

But is the guru a teacher, an instructor or a spiritual director as we know them in Western terms? Well, in typical Oriental fashion, the answer is Yes…and No. In a sense the guru is a teacher in that he may provide insights or fundamental teachings, but a guru does not impart “new” knowledge as such or as say an elementary school teacher would teach grammar or arithmetic. The difference between a teacher and an instructor is that a teacher imparts fundamental knowledge and the instructor provides insights and techniques for the implementation and practice of fundamental knowledge, as would a vocational college or university instructor. Moving beyond the practical and rational to the spiritual, we frequently hear the term “spiritual director,” which is actually a most unfortunate turn of phrase but has found a place in patriarchal systems. I regret the term “spiritual director” simply because it is patriarchal and sets one of the parties over the other, which is inappropriate. A better term would be “spiritual guide,” but that has has fought an uphill battle supplanting the more entrenched term.

Beware of the fakes and charlatans!

But beware of the fake in guru robes! A guru is not a spiritual director because he is not directing anything in the sense of one who directs in the meaning of “manage” or “control.” Neither should a spiritual director in the Western Traditions be a director in that connotation of the term. Rather, a guru — and a spiritual director for that matter — is more of a guide, an advisor, a mentor. The guru may assume the role of spiritual teacher in that he might provide fundamental insights or knowledge, but he is more of an advisor or mentor. The greatest “gurus” in any of the world Traditions have been just that: mentors. The best mentors are listeners, deep, active listeners. They speak only to share an insight or a road sign and let the disciple take it from there. Some of the greatest teachers never say a word! If they do, they don’t provide an answer, they ask a question! Most Western disciples if I may use the term so lightly want nothing to do with questions; they want answers! In the West answers count; responding with a question is a waste of time. You either have the answer or you don’t, and if you don’t you need to find a real guru!

Well, my friends, it really doesn’t work that way in the real spiritual, mystical world, whether you are a Tibetan Buddhist or an Eastern Orthodox Desert Father. The mentor is not there to provide you with answers to your questions, much less to provide you with the answers your ego is desperately begging. The mentor is there to guide you to search deeper in yourself to find the answer that is waiting to be revealed. It’s there and always has been; you just need to do the work to find it. So the “guru,” the dispeller of darkness, the destroyer of ignorance, the mentor is there to give you that humiliating glare, to ask that bizarre question, to push your face into your own hypocrisy and, by so doing, guide you deeper within yourself, into the dark silence of your core, where the eternal, uncreated Light is waiting to reveal itself once you have achieve the simplicity and authenticity to rend the veil of ignorance obscuring it.

Every mythology has its accounts of the Seeker and the quest, the monsters and obstacles to be overcome, the treasure of great value to be won. The quest, the Seeker, the monsters and obstacles are all the same but different faces, and the treasure of great value is the same just different packaging. It’s all been there all the while, just waiting, waiting until the moment should come when you have grown to spiritual maturity, with or without the help of your spiritual guide, your mentor, your guru. Many will try to win the golden fleece, the holy grail, Enlightenment but few will succeed.

Same old story. Business as usual. It would appear so facile to succeed by simply being self-aware, working towards self-knowledge, practicing self-forgetfulness, living a discipline of simplicity. But are you up to the task? Or will you opt to be born with your eyes closed, live your life with your eyes closed and die with your eyes closed, condemned to repeat the cycle of Saṃsāra, the  “cycle of aimless drifting, wandering or mundane existence,” the veritable notion of hell.


I was recently asked if I were offering to be a disciple’s guru. I was initially confused by the question because a guru does not out of the blue offer to be a disciple’s guru; if he does, his motivations should be questioned. A guru does not actively go out and recruit disciples; if he does, he’s probably not the mentor you want. Instead, the guru and the disciple are mysteriously brought together and there is a certain attraction between them that cannot be ignored. True, a disciple may approach a teacher or mentor and ask him to accept him as his disciple but the mentor must consider the request with great discernment and reflection because it is a grave responsibility.

Any mentor, if he is authentic and fully aware of the methods and responsibilities of mentoring, will not jump at the opportunity to recruit a new disciple. This isn’t Facebook where every friend request is greedily grabbed to play the numbers game. Such a mendacious and mercenary charlatan is not a mentor and is ruled by the ego, the false self. Any involvement of the false self in a mentor is a bad sign, a sign that would indicate that he has undergone only incomplete conversion. Something incomplete cannot be the paradigm for emulation.

The authentic mentor will put some hard questions to the applicant, and if those questions are answered to the mentor’s satisfaction, the applicant will enter into a period of observation

To download a copy of this article in pdf format please click here.

An Anecdotal Response to an Aspirant

I recently had the opportunity to correspond with a member of the Tantric Masculinity Group (Facebook), and after a rather extended dialogue over a 24-hour period was finally able to elicit a statement from him that would determine whether I could continue discussing his fitness as an aspirant in Homoerotic Tantra. The following response has been redacted to prevent any personal identifiers from revealing the man’s identity but my response sums up some of the problems potential mentors may face when dealing with individuals with an imperfect understanding of spirituality, much less of Tantra. As always, I do invite your feedback and comments.

Dear friend:

 No one is here to attempt to judge or to change anyone. All change must come freely, organically, naturally, and from within the individual. Teachers, instructors, mentors, gurus all do the aspirant a disservice if their objective is to change the individual by indoctrination of any kind. I am trained in theology and related disciplines, in interfaith studies, psychology, and spirituality. I write extensively on the subjects and I practice in the field of psychospiritual support. I would be the last person to inflict change on anyone. All change should be a metamorphosis, while also a rite of passage, it happens from within although the effects may be noted outwardly. I detect a note of defensiveness in your response as well as a note of resistance. Neither of these is conducive to growth because you eliminate possibility from the start. Such rigidity is inappropriate to true spirituality and authentic spiritual growth. Your belief in angels is what you prefer to believe. I’m not here to convince you one way or the other, but your disappointment is again a sign that you are unwilling to submit to possibilities, and that may inhibit or obstruct any effort for change or for growth; true growth has to admit of any possibility, provided it is Truth. Truth is immutable regardless of subjective beliefs, “reality” or perceptions. I am a bit surprised that you carried the baggage of the angels to this point; did it traumatize you to that degree?
If I understand your statements, the Tantra that you are finding exciting is the Western perversion of tantra that confines it simply to a profane technique for a different sort of physical sexual gratification, and substantially if not completely sidelines, marginalizes the most important aspect of Tantric practice: the physical being a pathway to spiritual growth and maturity, the spiritual melting into one another of two beings, the unity with the divine, and the interwovenness of a number of Eastern doctrines. While no one can fault you for finding that attractive; hundreds of thousands have probably bought into this counterfeit tantra marketed by the false gurus of the West and by some renegade opportunists from the East. But for you to appreciate true Tantra, you have to go through all of the process. Cherry picking aspects of the discipline is not only counterfeiting it but cheating yourself of the fruits of your efforts.
I may have overwhelmed you with all of this and frightened you, too. If I have come on too strongly, I apologize. All that having been said, if you are happy with your masturbation practices and with your cum fetish, perhaps that is where you are meant to be and to stay. Tantric masculinity is demanding and would require considerable discernment and dedication to bear the wonderful fruits of which it is capable. Think about where you are, where you want to be, and what sacrifices you are prepared to make to travel the journey, appreciating the entire journey, while keeping the destination in sight.
 [Note: I submitted the above text to my dialogue partner for his information. He has not object to my publishing it in redacted form to avoid sharing any personal identifiers. The reason I gave to him for my wanting to publish this excerpt of our exchange is that I believe other members of the group will benefit from what I have said.]

[1] Regrettably, the West has a penchant for perverting fundamentals to appeal to a tasteless majority. The feminists and the feminist movement have misappropriated the concept of the feminine principle or Shakti, and have taken that icon and the associated symbols to incarnate them in the physical form of a human female; they have further misappropriated the Shakti principle as something of an aegis of the feminist movement. Shakti is the feminine principle of the divine pair Shiva-Shakti, an icon of the masculine and feminine spiritual principles present in all beings, all the cosmos, not just in human females.

It’s the Journey that Counts…Make it Last

Penetration and Transfiguration: Entering Your Partner’s Sacred Sanctuary.
How We Should Approach the Homoerotic Tantric Session.

Open Yourself to Infinite Horizons!

When we see the word “penetrate” we see a word that means control, a violence. Penetration is forced entry into a space; there’s nothing loving or gentle about it. It’s wrongfully associated with masculinity for no good reason. Penetration, control, violence, brutality has no place in erotic expression between two men.

As gay men, as men in general, we have to stop the stressful and unfair thinking that we have always to control something, always be rough and raw; there’s nothing “masculine” about any of that. In fact, the ideal of masculine beauty was one of proportion, evenness, smoothness, balance. Yes, I said masculine beauty. The male has always been worshipped as perfect, complete form. When we as gay men feel unfulfilled, or our self-esteem and feelings of worth are diminished by feminists, employers, even our institutions, the resulting anger causes some of us to want to dominate another man, or have to perform like an endurance Olympian we are on a slippery slope to missing any real pleasure or joy in our sex life!

“How big is your dick?” is a common Facebook question. My response is “Why? How big does it have to be?” After all, it’s not the size of the bone but how you bury it that counts. Nobody seems to know the answer to my “Why?” question. Did the asker have a particular size in mind, a particular length and girth? Like a shoe size? Rather than ask, “How big is your manhole?” I just let it go. In my articles on anal sex and prostate massage, dick size is irrelevant; unless you’re involved with a pervert who needs to have his asshole ripped and enjoys pain for some reason. I deal only in pleasure, love and joy, and leave the pain and trauma to the size queens and the pervs.

Low self-esteem, the inability to experience love and joy in sex, the need to dominate or to perform, leads some gay sex gurus to carelessly use the word “penetrate,” or worse still “active” or “passive” when referring to sex partners. Those are very poor choices to describe what should be a sharing, uniting experience for both partners. I would rather my readers start thinking of “entering your partner’s sanctuary” or “melting into your partner.” Your partner must be treated as a temple, somewhere you go to worship. You should start treating him as if he were something holy, sacred; because he is. When you touch him, touch him reverently and with tender respect just as you would a sacred vessel or a rare work of art. When you taste him taste him like sacramental wine and holy bread; savour him as you would a gourmet feast. When you enjoy his scents treat those fragrances like sweet incense, the bouquet of a fine wine, or a rare perfume. When you gaze upon him see him as light and color beneath the form of his body; enter his soul through his hungry eyes and feed it with your loving gaze. Listen to the magical music of life and his response to your presence for him by listening to his breathing, his vocalizations, his heartbeat. When you touch him and enter him allow your body and his body to feel his warmth, his wetness, his energy; surrender yourself to him. There’s ecstatic pleasure, joy, and a mystical experience if you approach him this way.

Enter His Sacred Sanctuary with Awe and Love.

When you enter your partner’s sanctuary, enter with reverence and a sense of awe, just as you would any holy place. Awe because what you are doing is in fact awesome: you are melting into another man’s body and he is wrapping his body around your lingam, your wand of life and light, you will slowly approach the mystery of oneness with him, and are transported beyond when you reach your mutual orgasms as one. You will fill him with a sacred gift, your cum, and he will devour your offering.

Prostate Massage Can Bring Your Partner to an Incredible Orgasm.

You insert you fingers and massage his prostate. With your mouth embracing and caressing his cock, you are worshipping it as a sacred object, you invite him to share with you his power to create new life, his cum. His cum, semen, when ejaculated, has to power to create new physical life. But with you he shares his power and co-creates new spiritual life. When he cums you accept his gift and swallow it because you want this food of creation, this gift of divinity to become a part of you. So you accept his holy gift, his gift of his power to create new life, and you make it a part of you. Giving and receiving thus are part of this homoerotic engagement in which you mutually give and receive, mutually enter and worship, mutually nourish and are nourished.

What are you thinking when all of this is happening? Nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, you should empty your mind and let the river of mysterious tantric energy carry you into the next moment. Unlike the planned mechanical performance competitions most men consider sex with another man, this encounter is totally unplanned once you engage your partner in the initial tantric embrace. You commit to being one and each guides the other in an unspoken language. There is nothing planned and no competition. It’s not a performance and there is no set goal. In fact, the whole practice is to delay getting to any one point; the point will come to you. It’s the journey that’s important, not the arrival. Sure, you’ll get to the destination, orgasm, and you’ll enjoy the fruits of that destination, ejaculation and receiving your partner’s cum, but you’re not thinking of that at any time during the session.

You and your partner are jointed together by the love energy that you share.

During the session you are where you are; you are in that moment an nowhere else. You are with your partner, as one, in that moment. You are in sync and you are two in unity. In fact, if you think in terms of the trinitarian notion of perichoresis or circumincession, you and your partner are actually three entities: you, your partner and the love energy that binds you. You are constantly, instantaneously changing positions: at one instant you are the giver, in another you are the receiver, and in yet another you are the energy uniting the giver and the receiver. You are constantly and fluidly exchanging places with your partner and the energy force uniting you with one another.

What happens when you experience orgasm? Most will answer, “I cum.” That’s not the answer. Orgasm is that neurospiritual breaking out when you self-forget and melt into your partner. Most men don’t experience this because they are simply using their partner to get to a certain point, a point they could just as well arrive at if they masturbated. But this homoerotic tantric interaction is by its very nature wholly and completely different.

Your Orgasms are a Cosmic Explosion.

Throughout the session you have not been thinking of yourself; you have been self-forgetful. When you are self-forgetful you are no longer the center of the universe. You are aware of yourself but in a very unique way unaware of yourself; you are mindful of the moment but not of the sequence of moments. You are mindful and aware of your partner but also unaware of him in a very special way. In other words, you and your partner are transported into a different time-space continuum; you are in a different dimension, if you prefer. Once you stop obsessing about performing and doing something and just being in the moment, you will flow in a mysterious energy flux from moment to moment in a sort of circular time, you are spiritually in a state of altered wakefulness. Transfiguring yourself in this way you are present for your partner and he for you in a totally different way. There is complete trust, no anxiety, acceptance of your vulnerability, surrender to your partner, a unique love and compassion fills you, you are aware of joy, and you become one with him. By becoming one with your partner you are no longer the old you; you and he, as one, are a new creation.

In this way you have now penetrated the barriers that society and ego constructed to prevent you from the ecstatic interaction of melting into another person, of becoming one. You have penetrated those barriers simply by becoming self-forgetful, surrendering to stillness, not “performing”, just being with another being being. The ego and society can’t deal with a being that refuses to subject himself to anxiety or comparing his performance to another’s. The ego and society can’t cope with a being that does not subject himself to the constraints imposed by society to control. The ego and society cannot control a being who exists outside the container called society and who doesn’t exist in sequential linear time but floats in circular time.

You and your partner are the vehicles that carry the very energy that will power you to oneness. You and your partner are like two alembics of mysterious potions that once mixed, create enlightenment and awareness which transfigure into Love and Joy. You and your lover are the alchemists that have found a way to change lead into gold; a way of taking a purely physical animal act, sex, and curating it into a mystical and magical transformation of two men. This is true evolution true spiritual growth. This is interaction with Love and Joy.

Gallery 1: Introducing Me in Images

 I’ve put together a slideshow that goes with my Relationship Résumé and the general topic of the Homoerotic Tantra blog.

Not all of the pictures are of me personally, but all of the pictures are accurate representations of me. It’s just that I don’t feel I have to reinvent the wheel to get my points across to my readers.

Coming up next: My next post will feature the five senses: sight, hearing,  taste, smell, and, most importantly, touch in our erotic sharing. I’ll post the link [here] when I’ve published it.

Well, that’s enough talking. Just enjoy the show and leave a comment, follow this blog, or contact me directly.

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William a.k.a. Gay Karuna Guy


Cum More & Stay Healthy

My whole philosophy about relationships and intimacy may fall through the cracks after you read this but please don’t think that I’ve changed my mind about anything having to do how we can manage spirituality in our most intimate moments, using that sexual spirituality to increase our ecstasy when sharing with a lover.

Normally, I would say hold off on ejaculating for as long as possible, practicing cum control (I’ll be writing about that soon) until the very end and then exploding, while experiencing multiple orgasm-like moments throughout the session. Male orgasm is not cumming; cumming is ejaculating, shooting your cum load. Orgasm is that transcendent experience you have just before cumming and it’s that transcendence that I like to extend, expand and repeat during a love-making session.

In a recent scientific article, however, Harvard Medical School publishes research findings that support the idea that male sexual health is enhanced by ejaculating more often than most men tend to think. This Harvard study is good news for sexually active men.

According to the study:

The scientists found no evidence that frequent ejaculations mark an increased risk of prostate cancer. In fact, the reverse was true: High ejaculation frequency was linked to a decreased risk. Compared to men who reported 4–7 ejaculations per month across their lifetimes, men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month enjoyed a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer. And the results held up to rigorous statistical evaluation even after other lifestyle factors and the frequency of PSA testing were taken into account.

According to a Study, cumming can have a positive impact on prostate health!

The studies from the United States and Australia do little to answer these critical questions — but they do open a new avenue for research. Since both report that a high frequency of ejaculation early in adulthood has the greatest impact on the risk of prostate cancer decades later, they call attention to the role of events early in life, when the prostate is developing and maturing. Sexual activity in adolescence may be a predictor of risk in adulthood.

The researchers found that the risk of prostate cancer in men aged between 20 and 29 and 40 and 49 was significantly reduced if they ejaculated at least 21 times a month, whether through sex or masturbation. This was compared with men who ejaculated just four-to-seven times a month.

In a 2016 Medscape article, Study: Ejaculate More, Have Less Prostate Cancer Risk, the findings are confirmed and updated, concluding: “Safe sexual activity could be good for prostate health.”

That theory might have parallels in folk wisdom. When these results were reported last year, a Medscape reader commented that the results make common sense, and urged his fellow male readers to “keep the pipes clean boys!”

The researchers offer a number of hypotheses why ejaculation may help reduce prostate cancer risk, such as reducing stress or keeping cell metabolism well regulated. But these suggestions remain in the realm of speculation. Despite any lurid tales you may have heard growing up, masturbation is entirely safe. So if you want to do it as a preventative method then it wouldn’t pose any health risks.

Now, this information should not be interpreted to mean that we should all run out and become promiscuous sluts or chronic wankers, or that risky sexual behavior is acceptable. What it does mean is that safe and considerate sexual activity is healthy and keeps us healthy.

This does not contradict the importance of prolonging the ejaculation by cum control or so-called edging. I feel that the sexual experience is not just about cumming or cumming together but about entering the spirit of one’s partner and transcending the mere physical experience of cumming.

I’ll be writing more about cum control or “edging” in a new article and tell you how to practice it. For now, boys, cum more and stay healthy!

Keep in Touch,