Penetration and Transfiguration: Entering Your Partner’s Sacred Sanctuary.
How We Should Approach the Homoerotic Tantric Session.
When we see the word “penetrate” we see a word that means control, a violence. Penetration is forced entry into a space; there’s nothing loving or gentle about it. It’s wrongfully associated with masculinity for no good reason. Penetration, control, violence, brutality has no place in erotic expression between two men.
As gay men, as men in general, we have to stop the stressful and unfair thinking that we have always to control something, always be rough and raw; there’s nothing “masculine” about any of that. In fact, the ideal of masculine beauty was one of proportion, evenness, smoothness, balance. Yes, I said masculine beauty. The male has always been worshipped as perfect, complete form. When we as gay men feel unfulfilled, or our self-esteem and feelings of worth are diminished by feminists, employers, even our institutions, the resulting anger causes some of us to want to dominate another man, or have to perform like an endurance Olympian we are on a slippery slope to missing any real pleasure or joy in our sex life!
“How big is your dick?” is a common Facebook question. My response is “Why? How big does it have to be?” After all, it’s not the size of the bone but how you bury it that counts. Nobody seems to know the answer to my “Why?” question. Did the asker have a particular size in mind, a particular length and girth? Like a shoe size? Rather than ask, “How big is your manhole?” I just let it go. In my articles on anal sex and prostate massage, dick size is irrelevant; unless you’re involved with a pervert who needs to have his asshole ripped and enjoys pain for some reason. I deal only in pleasure, love and joy, and leave the pain and trauma to the size queens and the pervs.
Low self-esteem, the inability to experience love and joy in sex, the need to dominate or to perform, leads some gay sex gurus to carelessly use the word “penetrate,” or worse still “active” or “passive” when referring to sex partners. Those are very poor choices to describe what should be a sharing, uniting experience for both partners. I would rather my readers start thinking of “entering your partner’s sanctuary” or “melting into your partner.” Your partner must be treated as a temple, somewhere you go to worship. You should start treating him as if he were something holy, sacred; because he is. When you touch him, touch him reverently and with tender respect just as you would a sacred vessel or a rare work of art. When you taste him taste him like sacramental wine and holy bread; savour him as you would a gourmet feast. When you enjoy his scents treat those fragrances like sweet incense, the bouquet of a fine wine, or a rare perfume. When you gaze upon him see him as light and color beneath the form of his body; enter his soul through his hungry eyes and feed it with your loving gaze. Listen to the magical music of life and his response to your presence for him by listening to his breathing, his vocalizations, his heartbeat. When you touch him and enter him allow your body and his body to feel his warmth, his wetness, his energy; surrender yourself to him. There’s ecstatic pleasure, joy, and a mystical experience if you approach him this way.
When you enter your partner’s sanctuary, enter with reverence and a sense of awe, just as you would any holy place. Awe because what you are doing is in fact awesome: you are melting into another man’s body and he is wrapping his body around your lingam, your wand of life and light, you will slowly approach the mystery of oneness with him, and are transported beyond when you reach your mutual orgasms as one. You will fill him with a sacred gift, your cum, and he will devour your offering.
You insert you fingers and massage his prostate. With your mouth embracing and caressing his cock, you are worshipping it as a sacred object, you invite him to share with you his power to create new life, his cum. His cum, semen, when ejaculated, has to power to create new physical life. But with you he shares his power and co-creates new spiritual life. When he cums you accept his gift and swallow it because you want this food of creation, this gift of divinity to become a part of you. So you accept his holy gift, his gift of his power to create new life, and you make it a part of you. Giving and receiving thus are part of this homoerotic engagement in which you mutually give and receive, mutually enter and worship, mutually nourish and are nourished.
What are you thinking when all of this is happening? Nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, you should empty your mind and let the river of mysterious tantric energy carry you into the next moment. Unlike the planned mechanical performance competitions most men consider sex with another man, this encounter is totally unplanned once you engage your partner in the initial tantric embrace. You commit to being one and each guides the other in an unspoken language. There is nothing planned and no competition. It’s not a performance and there is no set goal. In fact, the whole practice is to delay getting to any one point; the point will come to you. It’s the journey that’s important, not the arrival. Sure, you’ll get to the destination, orgasm, and you’ll enjoy the fruits of that destination, ejaculation and receiving your partner’s cum, but you’re not thinking of that at any time during the session.
During the session you are where you are; you are in that moment an nowhere else. You are with your partner, as one, in that moment. You are in sync and you are two in unity. In fact, if you think in terms of the trinitarian notion of perichoresis or circumincession, you and your partner are actually three entities: you, your partner and the love energy that binds you. You are constantly, instantaneously changing positions: at one instant you are the giver, in another you are the receiver, and in yet another you are the energy uniting the giver and the receiver. You are constantly and fluidly exchanging places with your partner and the energy force uniting you with one another.
What happens when you experience orgasm? Most will answer, “I cum.” That’s not the answer. Orgasm is that neurospiritual breaking out when you self-forget and melt into your partner. Most men don’t experience this because they are simply using their partner to get to a certain point, a point they could just as well arrive at if they masturbated. But this homoerotic tantric interaction is by its very nature wholly and completely different.
Throughout the session you have not been thinking of yourself; you have been self-forgetful. When you are self-forgetful you are no longer the center of the universe. You are aware of yourself but in a very unique way unaware of yourself; you are mindful of the moment but not of the sequence of moments. You are mindful and aware of your partner but also unaware of him in a very special way. In other words, you and your partner are transported into a different time-space continuum; you are in a different dimension, if you prefer. Once you stop obsessing about performing and doing something and just being in the moment, you will flow in a mysterious energy flux from moment to moment in a sort of circular time, you are spiritually in a state of altered wakefulness. Transfiguring yourself in this way you are present for your partner and he for you in a totally different way. There is complete trust, no anxiety, acceptance of your vulnerability, surrender to your partner, a unique love and compassion fills you, you are aware of joy, and you become one with him. By becoming one with your partner you are no longer the old you; you and he, as one, are a new creation.
In this way you have now penetrated the barriers that society and ego constructed to prevent you from the ecstatic interaction of melting into another person, of becoming one. You have penetrated those barriers simply by becoming self-forgetful, surrendering to stillness, not “performing”, just being with another being being. The ego and society can’t deal with a being that refuses to subject himself to anxiety or comparing his performance to another’s. The ego and society can’t cope with a being that does not subject himself to the constraints imposed by society to control. The ego and society cannot control a being who exists outside the container called society and who doesn’t exist in sequential linear time but floats in circular time.
You and your partner are the vehicles that carry the very energy that will power you to oneness. You and your partner are like two alembics of mysterious potions that once mixed, create enlightenment and awareness which transfigure into Love and Joy. You and your lover are the alchemists that have found a way to change lead into gold; a way of taking a purely physical animal act, sex, and curating it into a mystical and magical transformation of two men. This is true evolution true spiritual growth. This is interaction with Love and Joy.