Once sure way to kill a conversation or to invite a lie is to ask “How old are you?” in a chat or message. First of all, it shows how stupid you can be, because you are asking a question but have no way to know if the answer is the truth! “How old are you?” when you realize there are two alternatives: either the person will tell you the truth or he will lie. Your only concern is the answer, not whether it’s true or not. So why een ask? And forget the profiles! Many don’t have photos and if they do, the majority are not of the subscriber. Many profiles are incomplete or provide fake information. Most subscribers on social media have already become addicts and voyeurs, so the logical next step in their self-decepation is to subject themselves to more fake reality. How pitiful does it, can it get?
Don’t ask me “How old are you?
Ask me “How young are you?”
Even better, DON’T EVEN ASK!
I really believe in honesty, trust, vulnerability, love. I hope I’ve made that impression in my posts on this blog.
I also have a deep aversion to stereotypes and to ignorance. I hope I’ve mad that impression in my posts on this blog, too.
I’m also convinced of and committed to the value of older-younger relationships, and I hope I have made that clear, as well.
I average about 1000 new friend requests each month on Facebook. I’ve tried to filter out a lot of the new requests by asking that only men between 25 and 50 respond, and that the languages be kept to English, German, French, Italian and Spanish. I think that’s fair because I do want to respond to chats and messages but if I respond and the person at the other end doesn’t do any of my languages, were both screwed and disappointed. I think that being honest and up front saves everyone a lot of stress and disappointment.
My response usually puts an end to the communication
Another pet peeve that I have is when I respond to a message or a chat and I get hit with the idiotic question, “How old are you?” My response usually puts an end to the communication and I terminate the chat or the message exchange. Why? Because, as I’ve said a number of times on this blog, I don’t play the numbers game. I don’t care about age, income, number of men you’re juggling, how many fake friends you have, or anything other than who you are and whether you are on the right path. As soon as you ask me “How old are you?” I know who you are and that you’re on the wrong path.
In a healthy relationship age doesn’t matter.
First of all, as an advocate of a relationship type that has proved to be stable, rewarding, and loving for both partners over thousands of years of history, and memorialized in legend and in history, I have found that in a healthy relationship, age doesn’t matter. Period. I’ll repeat that because it’s important: In a healthy relationship age doesn’t matter.
There are quite a number of gay celebrities, too, who have chosen to have older-younger relatinships (9 Famous Gay Men With Younger Boyfriends). We can thank them for bringing their relationships out into the open and using their celebrity to draw attention to the beauty of such relationships. Age is one of those stereotypes that is an anachronism, that is, it’s something that still exists today that was believed or done in the distant past, but has no relevance in today’s world. The age stereotype is a bias and a prejudice that comes from the ignorant sectors of Western society, and has no basis or foundation. It’s part of the consumerist, materialist society of sheeple who have followed the Pied Piper of marketing firms and have been struck dumb by the hype about denial of the realities of life. In fact, it’s very closely related to fear and denial of death.
Stereotypes make decisions for people who are incapable of thinking out of the box
Stereotypes don’t work and are a quick fix for fools who can’t think and make decisions about a situation on a situation-by-situation basis; stereotypes make decisions for people who are incapable of thinking out of the box, incapable of anything but tunnel vision. I have no use for such people and I have no problem letting them know that.
Think about it this way: What does a twink or a 20-something have to offer anyone? Not much. They are plagued with identity confusion, they have no idea what the world is about, they still have adolescent worldviews, they don’t know anything much, and they have no life experience. Useless, really.
So it’s these very unstable and confused people who need to know how old one is before they even talk to you. Immature? Yes!
That’s the very type of person I run from…screaming!
It’s these very unstable and confused people who want to spend time with people their own age. Why? Because they have more in common with each other. Nice try but not a very good reason. What they actually have in common, what they have to offer each other are the same confused views, the same insecurities, the same uncertainties, the same unstable relationships, the same problems, the same immature identities. That’s not exactly something I’d like to share or have in common with any partner of mine; in fact, that’s the very type of person I run from…screaming!
What does a person like that offer anyone with an ounce of sense and self-respect? Not much, to be very honest.
What I have found is that the generation of 20-30s men has produced some individuals who are capable of an identity, capable of accepting their lifestyle and orientation, and who steer well away from their immature contemporaries, seeking the company of and relationship with older men. The problems that they face and the challenges they have to confront are very unfair and do not acknowledge these young men’s courage and maturity, their dignity and their autonomy. Here are a couple that I have identified:
- Their immature contemporaries use peer pressure, not sound arguments — how would they do that — to make life miserable for their more mature contemporaries, and to make them feel like they are somehow weird or malfunctional by seeking a relationship with an older man. “He could be your father,” or “You’re dating grandpa?!?” These immature children can’t see beyond their own infantile noses to appreciate the maturity and the precocious wisdom of their contemporary. Too, bad! They could learn much from him.
- Another problem is parents and siblings. Few parents have any life experience and certainly fewer have any wisdom. They have their set ideas because they have never taken the time to learn anything new. It’s always easier to live in status quo than to be inquiring and open minded. Parents tend to be old before their time and if they see or hear of anyone who has not gotten stuck in the ditch of a stagnated marriage and a boring job, he has to be a weirdo. Then there’s the realization that their darling son is gay! Add bigotry and closed mindedness to the stagnation and boredom. Worse still, it’s not just “a phase he’s going through!” It’s actually a lifestyle choice he’s made for himself. Fancy that! It would be bad enough if he were attracted to someone his own age, because there’s always the hope that he’ll be disappointed by the immaturity of the relationship and that will stigmatize any hope of a future gay relationship, or so the parents pray. But NO! he’s attracted to an older man, perhaps an older man more successful in some ways than the parents themselves. So add to everything else the generation issue, and you have a witches’ brew of challenges that the poor kid has to face just to be happy. Far from the selfish parent’s minds is the fact that perhaps the kid might be happy, might have found some stability, might actually learn something valuable about life, and may have found true love and a stable relationship. All they can think about is how different it is from their own disappointing lives. My advice to those parents is simple: “You gave him life, now let him live it!” It’s that simple.
- Now, we all know that there are some men who want to date boys, not young men, and society has stigmatized such relationships. I can’t say I can really advocate such relationships because there is not only an age difference, sometimes a very significant age difference, but there’s the question of mental age and whether either party to the “relationship” is really benefiting from the relationship in terms of longer-term values; usually it’s just a bizarre fling and both parties end up as damaged goods.
In contrast, there is the relationship between the older man and the younger man, both men being comfortable in their own skins and both men knowing why they are in the relationship. In such relationships, even if the age difference is quite substantial, we can find all of the elements essential to a healthy and durable, stable life-partnership: trust, vulnerability, surrender, authenticity, loyalty, communication, physical attraction, a healthy sex life, a love of adventure and exploration, dignity, etc. There’s also an element of fun and playfulness, especially when the older-younger couple make their pubic appearances in a restaurant, in a club, at a bar, on the beach, walking together, and being generally demonstrative, loving, affectionate in a critical, puritanical, and stuffy society. I’ve found myself and my younger companion looking at each other and just bursting with laughter when a server approaches and says something like, “Oh, is this your son?” We would usually regain control soon enough to simply respond, “No, he’s my boyfriend.” And the look on the server’s face is enough to make everything worthwhile, including the bigotry and prejudice of the world we share with the “others,” including many paranoid and less happy gay men.
- But reality is what it is and we have not only to deal with the “others” in our world but we also face challenges among those in our own culture, the gay males. Older-younger couples tend to cause a certain anxiety in both the younger crowd and the older generation. On the one hand, there may be very conspicuous envy. There’s also the sense that culturally there’s something dissonant about an older-younger relationship; no real facts and no real reasons why but there’s a sort of suspicion that someone’s being used in the relationship — that’s the mindset of the immature and the insecure — you can’t have a relationship without extracting some sort of profit. That’s pathetic at best, pitiable in fact. People who are constantly seeking their “type” or Mr. Perfect are doomed to failure and unhappiness. We are all human beings, all unique, all different, all similar in different ways, all imperfect, all worthy of love. There is no “type” and there is no “my type” or “your type.” As soon as you use the word type, you are objectifying another human being and depriving them of their freedom to be who and what they are, compressing them into a mold to suit your selfish expectations.
Worse still, many gays, younger and older, are still looking for Mr. Perfect, your perfect match; if you’re one of these you may be even more unfortunate, more unrealistic, more deluded. We see a lot of guys posting gorgeous models, perfectly posed, highly cosmetized, made up, and airbrushed on social media like Facebook. Closeted pervs with fake names and fake profiles are so pathetic as to post comments and “likes” in response, but betraying their own pathetic impotence and voyeurism, their own distance from reality. Hidden behind all those “Yums,” and “likes” and “loves” and other truncated, abbreviated emoticons is a statement that they’ve lost touch with real people, and have to resort to jerking off to fakes. But many of these guys are the ones who will ask “How old are you?” or will lie when they are asked, and it’s these types who post fake profile pictures of themselves, or engage in really serious deception. Time to clean up your acts, guys! Time to get back to the real world. Time to look in the mirror and start admitting the truth about yourself.
I’m using the YouTube program above because I reviewed the actual discussion and I found it to be a load of bullshit, to be very honest. Three queens who like to hear themselves talk; actually three stereotypes playing their parts purrrfectly. I would be remiss if I weren’t to mention all of the life coaches and advice givers on the Internet and Youtube who are all too ready to spread misinformation, even stereotypes and bias, to anyone willing to log in and search for their bullshit sessions. They tend to give advice as if they had the world by the pubes, as if they had the perfect experiences, as if they were blessed with esoteric knowledge about everything from bottoming to erotic intelligence and beyond. Look, guys, no one has all the answers and anyone out there who wants to fill your mind with “their experiences” and make you think that their fantasies can be yours has to be seriously scrutinized.
Another similar Dear Abby advice-giver, actually a narcissist who delights in sharing his exhibitionism on media like Youtube is Davey Wavey.
Davey Wavey and Internet celebs like Tyler Oakley all have their audiences and all have their sordid and lurid advice to give but they represent a different culture, a different demographic than the large majority of us actually live in. Far from expertise, Wavey and Oakly only fuel titillation or activism in the gay community. Entertainment value? Maybe. Good guidance? Unlikely.
Every man I have ever met, regardless of his age, has been unique and filled with a mystique that is his and his alone. I can say the same of myself. The situation that is uniquely created when two men are attracted to each other either spiritually or physically is incredibly complex, deep, and mysterious that no two moments shared by them have ever existed before and will never exist again. The simple fact of the attraction is filled with mystique and can’t just simply be explained away by dick size or eye color or physique; to reduce it to such an explanation would be idiotic. We each have to experience the other at the particular time he enters our life, in the moment, and we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the totality of the physical, mental and spiritual experience that is novel, unique and special to that encounter. No pundit can substitute for your own total surrender to the experience. It’s entirely up to you how you live the encounter and what meaning you find in it, how you grow with it.
Now, I am completely aware that some of my readers are going to get all pissed off and say that I’m exaggerating and that not all 20-somethings and 30-somethings are immature, uncertain, etc., and I’d have to say you are quite correct. But having said that and admitting the truth of some of what you say, I expect you to do the same: Admit that what I have said in this article is generally very real and very true.
And so, my friends, let’s think before we open our mouths, and let’s open our minds before we open our mouths. We have made great strides in achieving acceptance of our lifestyle and in accepting ourselves in the face of many internal and external challenges, crises, dilemmas. We don’t need to place stumbling blocks in front of our brothers seeking happiness; it’s wrong to become a speed bump in our brother’s road to love and relationship. It’s wrong to carry the baggage of stereotypes, bias, bigotry, prejudice and to dump that garbage we have fought against since the Stonewall riots on our brothers who, upholding the best values of our lifestyle, may make their personal choices that may differ from the mainstream, the choice of an older-younger relationship.
Most of you have to start thinking out of the box, get rid of the tunnel vision, and start appreciating human beings for what they are rather than what you think they should be. Age is a number, if you are lucky you might experience it; if you are unlucky, you’ll age but you won’t learn. That’s a fate worse than growing old.
And so, my friends, let’s think before we open our mouths,
and let’s open our minds before we open our mouths.