Why Facebook Sucks. New Facebook App Targets Children 8-13!!!

This blog is all about karuna, awakening. This is a blog is all about awakening the male spirit in homoerotic spirituality and sexual practices among gay men. This blog is all about awakening the human spirit. Because it’s about awakening the human spirit, I feel compelled to write this article about how Facebook is killing the human spirit. I’m going to divert attention from our homoerotic pleasure seeking and spiritual development with and through our partners to a very alarming and dangerous situation being created by the social media drug, Facebook. I am diverting to this subject because it concerns our most vulnerable and valuable asset, our children. Please take the time to read this article and to seriously consider how Facebook is striking at the very core of humanity, and how we must do something to stop Facebook’s uncontrolled control of their subscribers and now this unabashed agenda targeting young children. It’s tantamount to digital pedophilia, child abuse at its worst, because it’s targeting their social and spiritual development, only to ensure that Facebook dominates our society. Think of the ramifications!


Facebook’s Worst Idea Ever? A Messenger App for Kids

But can we trust Facebook to protect the best interests of our children. No.

In an online article in Family, Facebook’s Worst Idea Ever? A Messenger App for Kids [New Jersey Family, December 4, 2017], author Megan Muesen writes:  “Facebook says it will collect some data, including children’s names, the content of their messages and data about how they are using the app. Facebook also reserves the right to share information with third parties (which may have their own privacy policies regarding children) and says it won’t use data from Messenger Kids to create ads…It’s hard to navigate the ever-changing internet landscape, especially at a time when children under the age of eight are spending an hour per day staring at a screen.” But can we trust Facebook to protect the best interests of our children, or can we expect Facebook to protect its own interests, especially its bottom line and revenues?

Facebook is more of a social disease than a social opportunity. It has robbed us of our ability to communicate in human terms, it has created addicts of most of its users. Facebook is a trap that lures unsuspecting people into what they think is a unique opportunity to connect and then treats subscribers like a bunch of idiots blocking accounts at random for days for any so-called violation of Facrbook rules, and informing the user that they “may have violated” a Facebook rule. “May have”?  What does that mean. You don’t know and Facebook “systems” doing the blocking don’t care.

You could have invested hours or years in collecting “friends” and nurturing relationships and Facebook “systems” will delete your account without giving it a second thought. That’s how concerned they are for your life and your efforts. 

You complain that you “don’t have time” to do this or that in your day. Did you ever keep track of the time you spend on Facebook? Try keeping time you spend on Facebook each day for a couple of days. Just jot down Time On/Time Off. You’ll be amazed at how much time you spend on that cyberdemon. Now visit this article and find out if you’re addicted to Facebook (or any other Internet site). You’re an addict and don’t even know it.

Children are becoming fFcebook shadow people

It’s a form of self-deceiving, self-defeating, self-destructive behavior (SDB). This is a serious problem and everyone using Facebook and other social media should be aware of this devastating self-perpetuating, deadman’s spiral behavior. It develops insidiously and has dire effects. I’ve written an article on SDB, and you can read it here: Are You Engaging in Self-Defeating/Self-Destructive Behavior?

Got Messenger? Even worse still. You may think you’re important getting all those notifications and messages but Guess what? you’re getting them from other addicts. Anyone who needs request a chat, a video call more than once or twice a day to the same person really needs to get back to reality and get a life. They’re addicted.

Just like any other drug, social media takes control of your life even only after a short time of recreational use a.k.a. social use. All it takes is a little bait and those susceptible to addition are hooked like a fish. Remember the time when someone asked you if you had a Facebook account and you actually said No. Facebook now reports that it has some 1.4 billion users worldwide, many of them addicts in the First World, but many also in the second and third world, people who are very vulnerable and susceptible to the wrong messages being disseminated by Facebook users and by Facebook itself. Imagine the scenario where presidents and popes have accounts on Facebook and Twitter and send their public propaganda to millions, billions worldwide. No think of the invisible, clandestine operations that are no doubt going on behind the scenes or behind the profile and “friend” you’ve been sharing your secrets with. Sure, keep indiscriminately “friending” every cyberfreak that comes along. Sure send them a picture of your dick. Sure, send them anything they ask for. The cheap thrill now will cost you plenty later. That’s a fact of self-destructive behavior, by the way. Read my article.

Facebook recently launched a new app for young childrenFacebook launches a version of Messenger for young children; the app is targeting children and is designed for children ages six to 12 (!!!!). Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Act (COPPA), a US federal law, is supposed to  protect underage children from exploitation online, and it’s the reason so many online services require children be 13 years of age or older in order to sign up. Facebook says the new app is only available in the US. Surprised? But the still open question is this: How does Facebook ensure that its present members are a certain age before sign-up? It’s obvious it can’t verify the age of a non-existent person and Facebook is crawling with non-existent persons. Just check out the profiles and subscriber names! Facebook can’t verify an account holder’s name or age, it’s that simple! They rely on what the account holder provides, and that’s usually fake! So the whole Federal Law thing about protecting children from online exploitation is a load of bullshit, people. See through the agenda!

Facebook is going after the next generation of users by targeting children!

Is this your child’s future? Staring for hours every day into an electronic device?

Facebook’s own spokesperson provides a damning statement on Facebook’s real agenda: Facebook is going after the next generation of users by targeting children. Facebook’s Public Policy Director Antigone Davis writes, “Children today are online earlier and earlier.” Davis goes on to say that “research shows that kids are using apps that are intended for teens and adults.” Davis says Facebook collaborated with National PTA on a study showing observing 1,200 American parents of children under the age of 13, with three out of every five parents saying kids under 13 are already using messaging apps, while 81 percent say their kids stated using social media apps as early as eight.” That statement clearly reads that children are already using adult apps, and are chatting and messaging, despite any toothless federal law and the stupidity of their parents! Facebook’s own statement clearly points out that Facebook is going after the next generation of users by targeting children! Facebook is creating a pipeline using young children to become regular users of the Facebook cyberplague.

Facebook has proven it cannot be trusted with youth data in the past

In an online article in Wired, Kristen Strader, campaign coordinator for the nonprofit group Public Citizen, says Facebook has proven it cannot be trusted with youth data in the past, pointing to a leaked Facebook report from May that promised advertisers the ability to track teen emotions, such as insecurity, in real-time. “Their response was just that they will not do similar experiments in the future,” says Strader. At the time, advocacy groups asked for a copy of the report, but Facebook declined. [Source: Facebook for 6-year olds?]

Messenger Kids Facebook is going after the next generation of users by targeting children!  Messenger kids is targeting the 8-13 age group and Facebook is asking parents to give their approval so children can message one another. By enlisting the parents as willing tools to sacrifice their children, Facebook is betting that the app can introduce a new generation of users to the Marc Zuckerberg’s ever-expanding social control universe. Zuckerberg’s greed, arrogance, and intrusion into the family has no bounds! He has to be stopped along with his Facebook evil.

The glaring arrogance and undisguised attack on our young and children, undermining the role of parents and significant others is unforgivable! The idolatry has become overwhelming and I’d rather not continue supporting it. It is clearly dehumanizing and is doing much damage to our people. The recent announcement of an app for the 13 and under is one of the the most disgusting and ugly attacks on children and their social, moral and spiritual development yet seen in our history. We have to make a move and I am doing my part by this protest.

The new app is tantamount to child abuse, akin to pedophilia. Parents who allow it should be damned. In a NY Times article, New Facebook App for Children Ignites Debate Among Families, there is a huge debate among parents who, on the one hand are concerned about “Facebook’s snaking its way into his children’s lives at an early age would most likely do more harm than good,” and those who feel that technology is an inevitability and appreciate “Facebook’s approach with the new app.” The parent interviewed who appreciates Facebook’s newest perversion is, of course, from the LaLa-Land, California, home of Silicon Valley and Facebook. Surprised? Sure, such parents are more than willing to abandon their children to their electronic devices; that provides more me-time for the parents.

I’ve often referred to Facebook and other social media as an addictive drug. Modern science has identified it as being addictive and has even given it a name, Internet Addictive Disorder, and a sub-category of Facebook Addictive Disorder, with its own set of psychiatric signs and symptoms. What more evidence do we need than our own behavior, self-defeating, self-deceiving and frequently self-destructive, to prove to us that Facebook is doing irreparable damage to adults, and is now targeting an even more vulnerable group, our children, and they’re asking parent to cooperate in their own children’s destruction.

One parent’s position on this issue is worth reading. Jenny Anderson tells us “Why I Won’t Let My Children Near Facebook’s Messenger for Kids,” and it’s clear how one parent is aware enough to put her foot down. We need more parents like Jenny!

STOP FACEBOOK! RAISE YOUR VOICES! WRITE TO YOUR LEGISLATORS! CONDEMN MARC ZUCKERBERG AND HIS EVIL EMPIRE, THE SHEEPLE OF FACEBOOK! SAVE OUR CHILDREN!!!!

Facebook is out of control.

We have to make a move and I am doing my part by this protest. I am deleting my Facebook accounts as of December 17, 2014. I refuse to be a part of Facebook’s and Zuckerberg’s perverse effort to dehumanize us all, and to shamelessly target children for his own purposes: profit. Join me in making our voices heard by law makers, opinion leaders, faith community leaders, everyone: Facebook is out of control. Take back your life and protect our children.

Thank you for reading!
William a.k.a. Gay Karuna

 

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Are You Engaging in Self-Defeating/Self-Destructive Behavior?

You might be asking yourself what such a question as self-destructive behavior has to do with Homoerotic Tantra. And I’d have to reply that it’s a damn good question. But it has a lot to do with Homoerotic Tantra because tantra has everything to do with awareness, awakening, finding truth, living in the moment, being present, and being in touch with and communicating with one’s true self. Self-deceiving, self-defeating or self-destructive behavior does none of that; in fact, it’s the antithesis of Homoerotic Tantra, and I hope this article helps you to understand that fact, and that you will enjoy an awakening of the spirit in virtue of that understanding. Namasté, brothers!


An Age of Addictions

We live in an age of dehumanization, of materialism, consumerism, anxiety, loneliness, and isolation. We have more addictions today than anyone would have imagined a generation ago: gaming, shopping, drugs, sex, spectator sports, work, there’s even a psychiatrically recognized Internet Addiction Disorder or IAD[1], which has its own set of symptoms and subcategories, Facebook Addiction Syndrome[2], Gaming Addiction Syndrome[3]! We live in an age of isolation and control.

The 3-Ds: Deception, Defeat, Destruction, have nothing to do with dimension or depth.

But the isolation is a disorder in its own right, and the control is coming from the outside, the media, your smartphone, social media, and it’s everywhere but cleverly concealed. The anxiety and other signs of the times are expressed in a particular way: the self-deception, self- defeating, self-destructive behaviors (cumulatively referred to as “SDB” below). We observe the SDBs all around us. They follow a trajectory running from the innocuous to the deceptive to the defeating to the destructive behavior that can even result in suicide. SDB can represent all or any of these three stages at any given time — the 3-Ds: deception, defeat, destruction, have nothing to do with dimension or depth. Sounds like a military war  strategy, doesn’t it? Well, my friends, we are at war: internall‎y with ourselves and externally with those who want to control us, the “controllers.”[4]

SDB is one of the manifestations of the conflict. SDB is manifested physically in deterioration of one’s health or even suicide. Mentally in becoming obsessive and compulsive thoughts or beliefs that manifest in SDB. Socially by interfering with normal personal and social interactions. Spiritually by altering one’s perception of reality, appreciations of core values, altered self- awareness, deterioration of awareness, obstruction of awakening, altered perception of truth. SDB may be deliberate and intentional, uncontrolled or impulsive, or the SDB may develop over time as a habit or even as an identity. Yes, you can become your SDB.

We all have met people who do self-destructive things, knowing that what they’re doing is wrong or dangerous at any level of their being: mind, body or spirit. But they keep doing it. The behaviors arise from every aspect of life: our work, friends, family, dating, our self image, etc. The sad result of SDB is that it causes the person suffering, disappointment, rejection and failure, making the person miserable and freakish. Part of their suffering comes from the fact that they are aware of their SDB; they know and admit to engaging in the behavior and they acknowledge the suffering it causes them. But they continue doing it! We cant explain it off by simplistically saying that they want to suffer or that they are perverts acting out their perverse desire to harm themselves or to punish themselves. That’s not an explanation why the person continues to engage in the SDB and continues to suffer from the consequences.

I can’t avoid the observation that there are some SDBs that initially cause pleasure; the person feels good during the behavior, sometimes really good, and is able to overlook the misery or the suffering that is certain to follow. Taking drugs is a good example of this. Casual, promiscuous, or unprotected sex is another example. In either case, the individual feels “driven” to engage in the SDB and, against their better judgment, “do it” because it feels good. Other examples of SDB might include gaming, gambling, shoplifting, over-eating, smoking, pornography (with or without masturbation). Short-term suspension of reality as in play, gaming, role playing, cosplay is healthy but when it comes to long- term substitution for reality it becomes SDB. Those of us with some experience in social media like Facebook or Messaging have experience with a great deal of SDB. On Facebook, for example, we are bombarded with “friends” who want to send us fake profile pictures, tell any lie that will attract your ear, send you pictures of their genitals or of them having sex, or they ask you for pictures of your penis, ass, or having sex. What is the sense of this behavior? There is none; it’s totally depraved. These individuals are involved in SDB. Why? Because they are engaging in behavior that gives them some sort of pleasure but the long-term consequences will be negative.

[Editor’s aside: Yes, people, there are Facebook addicts, grandma’s and very nice people, who spend a lot of time on social media. But they use the excuse that they are staying in touch with family, keeping up with the kids’ activities. They natter, gossip, send idiotic memes, plague us with invitations to stupid games, etc. but they are naïve, have nothing better to do, and they think they’re enjoying themselves. Truth is, they’re lonely, and they’re trying to fill their lonely-space with the deception that they are “keeping in touch.” Sorry, try another excuse!]

The photo is not the real person and the profile is not true. 

Take as an example the man who created a Facebook presence, posts a photo and creates a profile. The photo is a very attractive man and the profile is interesting as well. But the photo is not the real person and the profile is not true. He starts sending out “friend” requests and starts receiving “friending” requests from people who like what they see and read about him. He starts to feel real good about the many “friends” he now has and loses sight of the fact that they do not like him, the real him, but his fiction he has created. Over time, he becomes that fiction, the lies become habit, and he is first self-deceiving and then becomes self-defeating/self-destructive; in fact, he has already destroyed his “self” and replaced it with his fictional alter ego. It doesn’t stop there because in many instances this person may actually fall for someone, sometimes again and again, but the lies prevent him from appearing in reality. It’s become a self-reinforcing death spiral. The result is suffering and misery. or worse.

How often does this happen? Who knows? There’s very little we can verify on social media, especially Facebook. In SDB the pleasurable easily and quickly turns into the miserable. As I mentioned above, the list of SDBs is a long one and not all of the behaviors are pleasurable; some bring immediate suffering. One common behavior is clinging to an unrealistic attraction or to a lost love. Neither of these is pleasurable but the individual still persists until it becomes criminal stalking or harassment. We don’t have to look far for other examples in our lives, either: whining and complaining, defensiveness, narcissism., voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc. It is sometimes very difficult or even impossible to convince the self-destructive individual that they don’t need the behavior to get noticed or to maintain self-respect or a sense of worth; he can be appreciated without being provocative, and it’s possible to achieve growth, purpose and meaning without total change or creating a fictional you.

The false self, the ego, is very frequently at the root of SDB.

When considering SDB we cannot overlook the fact that the SDB may be motivated by a feeling of anxiety or fear. The anxiety or fear may be fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of the truth. The SDB may have started innocuously as a way of avoiding some painful or unpleasant situation but over time has changed into a habit. Once a habit, it is now exceedingly difficult to change. The false self, the ego, is very frequently at the root of SDB. The ego is constantly comparing, constantly finding ways to survive and avoid any challenge or threat to itself, even if that challenge or threat is reality and truth. This characteristic of the ego is essential to the deception that we find on social media, and the fact that we have no physical or tangible resources at our disposal to verify what we see, facilitates the deception.

Instant gratification. Misery around the corner.

The deceiver, the individual engaging in SDB, has an ego working hard to make itself “acceptable,” “desirable,” “ideal,” “lovable,” etc. and goes to any length to achieve that end. Who’s going to know? he assures himself. “Look at all these ‘friends.'” Would I have all of these “friends,” admirers, cyberlovers if I were not beautiful? They are [convinced] therefore I am [beautiful]. Piece of cake. Instant gratification. Misery around the corner. I am in a helping profession and, because of my education, training, and professional activities, and because empathy, compassion, listening are essential parts of my activities, I was taught how to recognize the warning signs of SDB, how to be aware of the signs, why self-care is essential, and why self-examination is critical. We are taught to foster authenticity and to be aware of the importance of boundaries and limits. But this is not true on social media. One of the most annoying questions we hear on social media is, “How old are you?” It wouldn’t be so annoying if the question were popped after a substantial time of sharing but when it’s one of the first things someone asks you, it’s a conversation stopper. Why?

The individual asking the question is superficial…

First of all, it expresses a certain limited worldview of the asker. Asked early in the conversation, the asker’s concern with age assumes a disproportional importance in the conversation, and shows that the individual asking the question is superficial. Being who I am, I am very open and I have little desire to waste my time on superficiality. Each of us is or should be more than the time we have been on this earth, and I expect any conversation partner to appreciate that there’s more to a person than age. What I expect isn’t going to change the asker’s attitude. The real question here is this: What happens to that person who makes that question such an important issue in his relationships? When the answer to that question either makes or breaks the conversation, or stymies the experience of the other person, how much does the asker lose before he loses all sense of what relationship is all about. When the question assumes such importance, how soon does the asker start to suffer in the awareness of his own aging, or does he ignore that little fact and turn into a deceiver? Every firm twink ass will sag some day; and life has a 100% mortality rate.

But as I’ve mentioned above, such people are hard to persuade that their SDB is going to make them miserable. I frequently have to question the asker’s intelligence, too. Here you have someone contacting another person, presumably to establish some sort of relationship, and then he asks “How old are you?” It’s clearly a stupid question because given the fact that the two are probably never going to meet physically, what does age have to do with the conversatio? Or am I missing something to the effect that there are discussion subjects that are delimited by a conversant’s age? Off hand I can’t think of any. If any of my readers can, I would appreciate receiving the information.

Out of habit — and general curiosity — when I receive a friend or chat request or a Messenger contact, I usually go to the individual’s profile to see if there’s anything I can use to help in the conversation. I frequently find the usual uninformative profile; the caller hasn’t even cared enough to share any particulars about himself. End of conversation. Don’t waste my time. I don’t need to talk to anyone on Messenger or Facebook; I have plenty of opportunity during the day to talk to real friends. Apparently, some people’s lives are so empty, they have to spend hours on chat or Messenger. People seeking relationship while revealing noting substantial about themselves. That’s SDB.

I think by this time you get my point about SDB. So I’ll go on to discuss some ways to avoid it from the tantric/Zen point of view: Presuming you have become aware, have awakened, are present in the moment, there are some things you can do to survive your addictions and the accompanying SDB. Here are a few:

Experience your pain.
Be in the moment with it. Change involves risk and it doesn’t happen on its own; you have to be motivated to change. Hearing about other people’s suffering may inspire us to change but we need our own painful place and we have to want to get out of it. My advice is to allow yourself to experience the pain, embrace it, and then decide if it’s time for change. You need to decide what is causing the pain in the first place. You then have to decide where you want to be. Then you have to admit that you can get where you want to be.

Acknowledge & Confront the problem.
Procrastination, denial and avoidance are some of the SDBs that prevent us from admitting there’s a problem. We tend to avoid thinking about the problem. When the problem gets worse, we look for distractions. The distractions have to provide pleasure because problems cause anxiety, fear and anguish. The distractions may provide some pleasure but the problem is still there and is aggravated. This fertile ground for SDB. You need to accept the reality of the problem and acknowledge the problem, you must own the problem. It is what it is and magical thinking — “What if?” “If only…”– is not going to fix it. Only the understanding that change is possible only if you acknowledge it, and acknowledge it as a problem, and it requires change.

Make small, focused change.
Making big, overwhelming change is likely to create new problems. Most problems are complex and can’t be resolved all at once. Have a critical look at the problem and why it has occurred. Then tackle each of the elements, considering how to change it. Try to envision the interrelationships of the components of the problem and how they synergize to create the problem. Try to envision how change in one factor might change how the other factors are operating or cooperating. Think of the problem as a meal. You don’t eat the meat, veggies, potatoes all in one mouthful, do you? You go for one, then the other. Each one you taste changes your relationship to the others. One bite at a time, one change at a time, and gradually your plate will be clean and you will feel satisfied, content. Commitment is key to most positive action. Even if you want your change to be small, you have to be totally committed to it.

Small change, big commitment.
Make your intention public. Be accountable to your audience. If you are really bad at sticking to your projects, create or join an Accountability Group. If procrastination is at the base of your SDB, you can agree to accept an publicly embarrassing consequence if you continue your SDB. But you have to be honest, but your dishonesty may have been the original problem, that is, your relationship to truth has to be one of the first changes. So that’s where you might have to start.

A “Can Do” mindset.
I know you all want instant gratification; that’s why you have SDB! Small changes in small steps. It will take time so take the time. Each success will persuade you that you are capable of achieving the next step. Use each success and each achievement to defeat any negative thoughts. Repeat a mantra to yourself like “I can change this.” Use each fall to prove you can get back up.

Failure is a great teaching tool.
In today’s culture we have stigmatized failure. That’s wrong! The SDB, the habit is evidence that you can do something destructive, you can use the same process to do something constructive. The SDB is not proof that you are capable of failure it is evidence that you can do what you set out to do, if you want to do it. Use the SDB as an opportunity to learn: learn about how the SDB caused you suffering and what you learned from that. Now use that intelligence to change the painful behavior into growth behavior. You already know about how bad habits work, how negative self-talk and urges can become SDB. You have learned about obstacles and challenges, which are unavoidable, and how to confront and use them for positive growth. The beauty of being human is that we make mistakes, and each mistake becomes an amazing opportunity to learn more about ourselves, to improve ourselves, to grow, and to awaken to our fullest positive potential. Failure isn’t a dead end — it’s a source of revelation, of new information about how we function and about alternative behaviors. Negative self-talk is nonproductive chatter. Change causes anxiety; status quo is comfortable. Change requires work; status quo is easy; all you have to do is nothing. The voices in your head, your ego, will encourage you to quit. Hear them for what they are: noise. Silence them! Acknowledge them for what they are: destructive. Lazy ego. Lying ego. Destructive ego. You have better counterarguments: I can do this. I want this. I will achieve this. I  will be happier when I get there.

Seek a support system and resources.
If you don’t have a partner ask a good friend to support your efforts. Family or an online support group can also be helpful, and can be available to support you. Read the positive & negative feedback. You should learn how to create a new feedback cycle that supports your change. You do this by removing all of the things that caused you the SDB in the first place. You may want to stop using social media and actually get out an socialize with real people. You might avoid going to bars or clubs and start volunteering or joining a recreational group with people of similar interests. There are many ways of replacing the negative environments in your life with positive growth environments.

Make yourself accountable.
Using the Facebook SDB as an example, our example above the individual could do anything he wanted on Facebook because he wasn’t accountable to anyone. That was the first step to oblivion. Accountability to yourself and to others is your safeguard. Previously, you had only to deal with the consequences from your SDB because you avoided accountability. Now add accountability to the consequences; think about avoiding the negative behaviors and the shame and guilt it caused you (negative feedback) and concentrate on how good you feel about yourself and how good you look by doing right (positive feedback). Think of it this way: Your environment will affect your outcomes. If you are a recovering alcoholic you don’t go to the bars.

Now, for those of you asking yourself, what has this to do with Homoerotic Tantra. My answer would be: Everything. You see, whether you are self-deceiving, self-defeating or self-destructive, or all of these, you are incapable of being present and sharing with another individual in a self-forgetful relationship of surrender. You are incapable of experiencing the experience. That’s what total sharing is with your partner, that is, the man you happen to be with in that moment. Don’t waste your energies; don’t cast your gifts to the winds.

Peace and Blessings to You
Namasté
William a.k.a. Gay Karuna


 

[1] Internet Addiction: The Emergence of a New Clinical Disorder; Should DSM-V Designate “Internet Addiction” a Mental Disorder?

[2] Facebook Addiction – New Psychological Scale

[3] Internet Gaming Disorder vs. Internet Addiction Disorder

[4] I am using the term “controllers” in a general sense to describe environmental factors as opposed to internal factors that instrumentally aim to control our behavior. Controllers might include government, the media, advertisers and marketers, educators, neighbors, relatives and parents, as well as the person you meet on Facebook. While keeping in mind that controllers are everywhere, for the purposes of this article I am referring specifically to individuals you might meet on social media, particularly on Facebook, some online dating services, etc.


Postscript

 

Glennon and Brené*  have identified what they call “offloading devices,” the easy buttons we push instead of acknowledging we’re in pain, and which may be indicators of SDB. You can ask yourself a couple of questions to help you think about which ones you’ve acturally engaged or are engaging in and how it worked out or more likely didn’t work out. I’m providing these as examples but they’re good for starters:

  • Anger
    Is it easier for you to get mad and lash out than to say “I’m hurt”? Does your anger interfere with your capacity to be vulnerable?
  • Blame
    When a challenging situation arises, do you jump right to faultfinding, payback, or pointing the finger at anyone in your path instead of looking within? Do you point to the cause of the conflict outside yourself but feel the confusion inside, not really believing it’s really “their” fault?
  • Avoidance
    When your emotions start to bubble up in a conflict, is your reflex to respond, “Whatever. I’m fine. No big deal”? Have you perfected the art of cool, pretending all’s well when it’s really not? Do you make excuses for others’ bad behavior?
  • Numbing
    Do you regularly take the edge off emotional pain with social media, sex, pornography, alcohol, food, drugs, gaming, shopping, perfectionism? Do you simply zone out?

* Brown, Brené. Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Random House Inc, 2017. Print.

Go ahead and kill the conversation. Ask “How old are you?”

Once sure way to kill a conversation or to invite a lie is to ask “How old are you?” in a chat or message. First of all, it shows how stupid you can be, because you are asking a question but have no way to know if the answer is the truth! “How old are you?” when you realize there are two alternatives: either the person will tell you the truth or he will lie. Your only concern is the answer, not whether it’s true or not. So why een ask? And forget the profiles! Many don’t have photos and if they do, the majority are not of the subscriber. Many profiles are incomplete or provide fake information. Most subscribers on social media have already become addicts and voyeurs, so the logical next step in their self-decepation is to subject themselves to more fake reality. How pitiful does it, can it get?



Don’t ask me “How old are you?
Ask me “How young are you?”
Even better, DON’T EVEN ASK!

I really believe in honesty, trust, vulnerability, love. I hope I’ve made that impression in my posts on this blog.
I also have a deep aversion to stereotypes and to ignorance. I hope I’ve mad that impression in my posts on this blog, too.
I’m also convinced of and committed to the value of older-younger relationships, and I hope I have made that clear, as well.


I average about 1000 new friend requests each month on Facebook. I’ve tried to filter out a lot of the new requests by asking that only men between 25 and 50 respond, and that the languages be kept to English, German, French, Italian and Spanish. I think that’s fair because I do want to respond to chats and messages but if I respond and the person at the other end doesn’t do any of my languages, were both screwed and disappointed. I think that being honest and up front saves everyone a lot of stress and disappointment.

My response usually puts an end to the communication

Another pet peeve that I have is when I respond to a message or a chat and I get hit with the idiotic question, “How old are you?” My response usually puts an end to the communication and I terminate the chat or the message exchange. Why? Because, as I’ve said a number of times on this blog, I don’t play the numbers game. I don’t care about age, income, number of men you’re juggling, how many fake friends you have, or anything other than who you are and whether you are on the right path. As soon as you ask me “How old are you?” I know who you are and that you’re on the wrong path.

In a healthy relationship age doesn’t matter.

First of all, as an advocate of a relationship type that has proved to be stable, rewarding, and loving for both partners over thousands of years of history, and memorialized in legend and in history, I have found that in a healthy relationship, age doesn’t matter. Period. I’ll repeat that because it’s important: In a healthy relationship age doesn’t matter.

There are quite a number of gay celebrities, too, who have chosen to have older-younger relatinships (9 Famous Gay Men With Younger Boyfriends).  We can thank them for bringing their relationships out into the open and using their celebrity to draw attention to the beauty of such relationships. Age is one of those stereotypes that is an anachronism, that is, it’s something that still exists today that was believed or done in the distant past, but has no relevance in today’s world. The age stereotype is a bias and a prejudice that comes from the ignorant sectors of Western society, and has no basis or foundation. It’s part of the consumerist, materialist society of sheeple who have followed the Pied Piper of marketing firms and have been struck dumb by the hype about denial of the realities of life. In fact, it’s very closely related to fear and denial of death.

Stereotypes make decisions for people who are incapable of thinking out of the box

Stereotypes don’t work and are a quick fix for fools who can’t think and make decisions about a situation on a situation-by-situation basis; stereotypes make decisions for people who are incapable of thinking out of the box, incapable of anything but tunnel vision. I have no use for such people and I have no problem letting them know that.

Think about it this way: What does a twink or a 20-something have to offer anyone? Not much. They are plagued with identity confusion, they have no idea what the world is about, they still have adolescent worldviews, they don’t know anything much, and they have no life experience. Useless, really.

So it’s these very unstable and confused people who need to know how old one is before they even talk to you. Immature? Yes!

That’s the very type of person I run from…screaming!

It’s these very unstable and confused people who want to spend time with people their own age. Why? Because they have more in common with each other. Nice try but not a very good reason. What they actually have in common, what they have to offer each other are the same confused views, the same insecurities, the same uncertainties, the same unstable relationships, the same problems, the same immature identities. That’s not exactly something I’d like to share or have in common with any partner of mine; in fact, that’s the very type of person I run from…screaming!
What does a person like that offer anyone with an ounce of sense and self-respect? Not much, to be very honest.

What I have found is that the generation of 20-30s men has produced some individuals who are capable of an identity, capable of accepting their lifestyle and orientation, and who steer well away from their immature contemporaries, seeking the company of and relationship with older men. The problems that they face and the challenges they have to confront are very unfair and do not acknowledge these young men’s courage and maturity, their dignity and their autonomy. Here are a couple that I have identified:

  • Their immature contemporaries use peer pressure, not sound arguments — how would they do that — to make life miserable for their more mature contemporaries, and to make them feel like they are somehow weird or malfunctional by seeking a relationship with an older man. “He could be your father,” or “You’re dating grandpa?!?” These immature children can’t see beyond their own infantile noses to appreciate the maturity and the precocious wisdom of their contemporary. Too, bad! They could learn much from him.
  • Another problem is parents and siblings. Few parents have any life experience and certainly fewer have any wisdom. They have their set ideas because they have never taken the time to learn anything new. It’s always easier to live in status quo than to be inquiring and open minded. Parents tend to be old before their time and if they see or hear of anyone who has not gotten stuck in the ditch of a stagnated marriage and a boring job, he has to be a weirdo. Then there’s the realization that their darling son is gay! Add bigotry and closed mindedness to the stagnation and boredom. Worse still, it’s not just “a phase he’s going through!” It’s actually a lifestyle choice he’s made for himself. Fancy that! It would be bad enough if he were attracted to someone his own age, because there’s always the hope that he’ll be disappointed by the immaturity of the relationship and that will stigmatize any hope of a future gay relationship, or so the parents pray. But NO! he’s attracted to an older man, perhaps an older man more successful in some ways than the parents themselves. So add to everything else the generation issue, and you have a witches’ brew of challenges that the poor kid has to face just to be happy. Far from the selfish parent’s minds is the fact that perhaps the kid might be happy, might have found some stability, might actually learn something valuable about life, and may have found true love and a stable relationship. All they can think about is how different it is from their own disappointing lives. My advice to those parents is simple: “You gave him life, now let him live it!” It’s that simple.
  • Now, we all know that there are some men who want to date boys, not young men, and society has stigmatized such relationships. I can’t say I can really advocate such relationships because there is not only an age difference, sometimes a very significant age difference, but there’s the question of mental age and whether either party to the “relationship” is really benefiting from the relationship in terms of longer-term values; usually it’s just a bizarre fling and both parties end up as damaged goods.
    In contrast, there is the relationship between the older man and the younger man, both men being comfortable in their own skins and both men knowing why they are in the relationship. In such relationships, even if the age difference is quite substantial, we can find all of the elements essential to a healthy and durable, stable life-partnership: trust, vulnerability, surrender, authenticity, loyalty, communication, physical attraction, a healthy sex life, a love of adventure and exploration, dignity, etc. There’s also an element of fun and playfulness, especially when the older-younger couple make their pubic appearances in a restaurant, in a club, at a bar, on the beach, walking together, and being generally demonstrative, loving, affectionate in a critical, puritanical, and stuffy society. I’ve found myself and my younger companion looking at each other and just bursting with laughter when a server approaches and says something like, “Oh, is this your son?” We would usually regain control soon enough to simply respond, “No, he’s my boyfriend.” And the look on the server’s face is enough to make everything worthwhile, including the bigotry and prejudice of the world we share with the “others,” including many paranoid and less happy gay men.
  • But reality is what it is and we have not only to deal with the “others” in our world but we also face challenges among those in our own culture, the gay males. Older-younger couples tend to cause a certain anxiety in both the younger crowd and the older generation. On the one hand, there may be very conspicuous envy. There’s also the sense that culturally there’s something dissonant about an older-younger relationship; no real facts and no real reasons why but there’s a sort of suspicion that someone’s being used in the relationship — that’s the mindset of the immature and the insecure — you can’t have a relationship without extracting some sort of profit. That’s pathetic at best, pitiable in fact. People who are constantly seeking their “type” or Mr. Perfect are doomed to failure and unhappiness. We are all human beings, all unique, all different, all similar in different ways, all imperfect, all worthy of love. There is no “type” and there is no “my type” or “your type.” As soon as you use the word type, you are objectifying another human being and depriving them of their freedom to be who and what they are, compressing them into a mold to suit your selfish expectations.

Worse still, many gays, younger and older, are still looking for Mr. Perfect, your perfect match; if you’re one of these you may be even more unfortunate, more unrealistic, more deluded. We see a lot of guys posting gorgeous models, perfectly posed, highly cosmetized, made up, and airbrushed on social media like Facebook. Closeted pervs with fake names and fake profiles are so pathetic as to post comments and “likes” in response, but betraying their own pathetic impotence and voyeurism, their own distance from reality. Hidden behind all those “Yums,” and “likes” and “loves” and other truncated, abbreviated emoticons is a statement that they’ve lost touch with real people, and have to resort to jerking off to fakes. But many of these guys are the ones who will ask “How old are you?” or will lie when they are asked, and it’s these types who post fake profile pictures of themselves, or engage in really serious deception. Time to clean up your acts, guys! Time to get back to the real world. Time to look in the mirror and start admitting the truth about yourself.

I’m using the YouTube program above because I reviewed the actual discussion and I found it to be a load of bullshit, to be very honest. Three queens who like to hear themselves talk; actually three stereotypes playing their parts purrrfectly. I would be remiss if I weren’t to mention all of the life coaches and advice givers on the Internet and Youtube who are all too ready to spread misinformation, even stereotypes and bias, to anyone willing to log in and search for their bullshit sessions. They tend to give advice as if they had the world by the pubes, as if they had the perfect experiences, as if they were blessed with esoteric knowledge about everything from bottoming to erotic intelligence and beyond. Look, guys, no one has all the answers and anyone out there who wants to fill your mind with “their experiences” and make you think that their fantasies can be yours has to be seriously scrutinized.

Another similar Dear Abby advice-giver, actually a narcissist who delights in sharing his exhibitionism on media like Youtube is Davey Wavey.

 Davey Wavey and Internet celebs like Tyler Oakley all have their audiences and all have their sordid and lurid advice to give but they represent a different culture, a different demographic than the large majority of us actually live in. Far from expertise, Wavey and Oakly only fuel titillation or activism in the gay community. Entertainment value? Maybe. Good guidance? Unlikely.

When two men come together they generate a special male mystique.

Every man I have ever met, regardless of his age, has been unique and filled with a mystique that is his and his alone. I can say the same of myself. The situation that is uniquely created when two men are attracted to each other either spiritually or physically is incredibly complex, deep, and mysterious that no two moments shared by them have ever existed before and will never exist again. The simple fact of the attraction is filled with mystique and can’t just simply be explained away by dick size or eye color or physique; to reduce it to such an explanation would be idiotic. We each have to experience the other at the particular time he enters our life, in the moment, and we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the totality of the physical, mental and spiritual experience that is novel, unique and special to that encounter. No pundit can substitute for your own total surrender to the experience. It’s entirely up to you how you live the encounter and what meaning you find in it, how you grow with it.

Now, I am completely aware that some of my readers are going to get all pissed off and say that I’m exaggerating and that not all 20-somethings and 30-somethings are immature, uncertain, etc., and I’d have to say you are quite correct. But having said that and admitting the truth of some of what you say, I expect you to do the same: Admit that what I have said in this article is generally very real and very true.

And so, my friends, let’s think before we open our mouths, and let’s open our minds before we open our mouths. We have made great strides in achieving acceptance of our lifestyle and in accepting ourselves in the face of many internal and external challenges, crises, dilemmas. We don’t need to place stumbling blocks in front of our brothers seeking happiness; it’s wrong to become a speed bump in our brother’s road to love and relationship. It’s wrong to carry the baggage of stereotypes, bias, bigotry, prejudice and to dump that garbage we have fought against since the Stonewall riots on our brothers who, upholding the best values of our lifestyle, may make their personal choices that may differ from the mainstream, the choice of an older-younger relationship.

Most of you have to start thinking out of the box, get rid of the tunnel vision, and start appreciating human beings for what they are rather than what you think they should be. Age is a number, if you are lucky you might experience it; if you are unlucky, you’ll age but you won’t learn. That’s a fate worse than growing old.

And so, my friends, let’s think before we open our mouths,

and let’s open our minds before we open our mouths.

Love One Another!
William
a.k.a. Gay Karuna

Erotic Intelligence. What is it? Do you have it?

As men, whether straight or gay, we are subjected to different standards in our day-to-day lives but even more so in our erotic life. Men have to constantly be prepared for rejection at some level, men have to deal with anxiety associated with inadequacy. Men have to prove themselves. But to be honest, to be honest with ourselves, we’ve set ourselves up, and we do it almost self-defeatingly and Oh! so very well.

Most of the men I have met or who contact me have no idea who they are. The have one personality on the street, one on the job, one with their families, and yet another one in bed. And you thought it was hard to juggle multiple men in your life? Most of you are juggling multiple men in your heads!

We men, especially we gay men, have to adopt a different mindset, we have to have a change of heart not only regarding the outside world around us but the inside world within ourselves. We have to have one mind: we are good enough! And we have to stop thinking that Mr. Perfect is going to be interested in us. Unless you are perfect, and no one, including myself, who I know comes even close to perfect, you’re gonna lose. And who likes a loser.

A guy recently contacted me because he saw my profile picture on Facebook. Like so many others, he assumed that the picture, although it is clearly enhanced, might be me. If he had taken the time to read my timeline before contacting me and didn’t become infatuated with a fiction, he would have done much better. But that’s the problem with many of the guys online: they’re looking for a fiction, a fantasy; they’ve lost contact with reality, with their human need for relationship, and are too ready for a quick fix with Mary and her four sisters. Online social media has become porn and masturbation has become the new relationship. Guys are so desperate they think that if they send a picture of their asses, cheeks spread wide, or of their dicks, or of a clip from a porn flick, that someone is going to be interested in them as a person. What’s worse, some of them don’t even want you to be interested in them as a person and just want the cheap thrill of a couple of minutes of cyber sex or porn chat. It’s really pathetic. How can you respect someone or even be interested in him if he’s got such low self-esteem?

When someone sends me a shot of their ass or their dick, I ask them outright: “Is that all you are?” When they don’t respond, I have their answer. I can only hope that my question might make them take a step back and re-examine themselves. Maybe they’ll see how depraved and perverse they’ve become.

Well, back to my topic: Erotic Intelligence. Erotic intelligence According to one psychotherapist is a personal development process, “all about having the capacity to trust yourself, to be in touch with your own body, your boundaries, your values – and how you feel your own energy.’ Well, that’s all well and good for you if you’re alone and intend to stay that way — as many out there do — but what about when you’re with someone new or someone already special? Even a 5-minute blowjob is a sort of relationship, so it the one-night stand, but what about those of us who really want relationship, even love? What is erotic intelligence in relationship with another man? There are a number of steps that we have to take, it’s all work, and most guys don’t want to work at a relationship and are doomed to become cyber-pervs or chronic masturbators. But then there are the elite sex Gods among us who work at doing it right, and liking it that way. I’m going to discuss some of the steps below:
What is your body trying to tell you when you look in the mirror?

Unblock your body. Figure out what your body is telling you. What is your body trying to tell you when you look in the mirror? Is the image you see positive or negative? Is it positive or negative in the physical, real sense or are you making it positive or negative in your mind? Is you ego doing the evaluation or are you, the real you doing it? This is an important step because the ego is the great comparer and is interested in its own survival, whether it’s real or fantasy. You need to make contact with your true self, not with your false self, your ego. Once you do that, you’re on the right track.

Tuning in is becoming aware and then conscious of yourself and your partner

Tune in not out. Today people are constantly tuning out, reaching outward for something and then for something more, always moving farther and farther from themselves, and the place where they really should want to be. Tuning in is becoming aware and then conscious of yourself and your partner. Tuning in is the practice of encouraging authentic, genuine communication between you and him. Tuning in requires us to drop the shields and to trust, allow vulnerability, and to surrender to our partner.

Touch is one of the most powerful tools in the erotic toolbox.

 

Role reversal. We have a lot of talk associated with what we do. We describe ourselves as a top or a bottom. We talk about types. I recently had a discussion where I said that a top can be a good top only if he’s bottomed. I think that’s very true. Erotic diversity is one of the keys to continuing attraction. We’ve all experienced the boredom of “knowing what’s coming.” He likes to suck cock but not the way you enjoy it. Reverse roles and do him like you want him to do you! He fucks you like a whore but you want to be his prince. Reverse roles and show him how you like it! Why does that sound so obvious but no one really thinks of doing it? Because we’re lazy and we don’t know how to enjoy something as important and beautiful as good sex. You don’t have to be a tantric master to get to know how to please your partner; all you ha

 

ve to do is care. The same applies to touch! Touch is one of the most powerful tools in the erotic toolbox. Just try touching your partner and ask him to make sounds as you touch him. He can say “Yes!” or just make sounds of pleasure, but he has to give you feedback. You’ll soon learn what turns him on and what doesn’t. Now reverse the roles. Once you do that, get out the massage oil and go to work!

In the moment. Being in the moment is essential to being present. Think about where you are when you’re having sex with him. Are you way ahead of yourself? Are you concentrating on making him cum or glazing him? Or are you right there in what you are doing? Most people I know are too busy living life from the neck up. Most are already five minutes in the future and totally absent to the present moment. When this happens in our erotic life, it’s like having sex with a toaster. Good sex means slowing down, being in the moment, being present to every sensation, connecting with your lover’s responses, being aware of each other. Make noise during sex. Most guys become deaf mutes, they tense up, they concentrate on rushing to the cum moment. Wrong, WRONG! Listen, make sounds, relax, fantasize and share your fantasy with your lover. Tell him a story while you’re doing him. Tell him what you want him to feel and how you’re going to make him feel it. Ask him what he feels or what he wants to feel. Communicate with him, be in the moment with him, be present to him. And most of all, slow down!

Slow down. Slow sex is not necessarily a lot of work; it can, in fact, be exhilarating, titillating, crazy, and downright good. You don’t have to do gymnastics or try painful positions for hours. It’s not a competition sport; in fact, it’s not competition at all! Sorry to disappoint you but good sex is sharing and communicating. It can be funny, it can be playful, it can be incredibly spiritual but it has to be slow. It has to start off slow and move gently to the climax, and then gradually and gently move into the cuddle phase. Never stop touching, tasting, savoring your lovers fragrance. Never stop exploring, kissing, telling him what you are feeling about him. Just slow down unblock your body, tune in, reverse roles now and then, be in the moment and present for each other, and slow down!

Part II: Erotic Intelligence in Practice

Set the mood. The mood is where and when you want to get it on with your lover. Playfulness is important but both of you have to have a healthy sense of adventure, must trust each other, and you must be able to be vulnerable to your lover and surrender to him. This applies to sex in the kitchen as well as sex in the tub or the shower, and to sex for hours between, better on top of the sheets. The mood starts in your relationship and moves to the situation. You both set the mood; the mood is not ambiance but includes ambiance. You need to allow ambiance to enhance the mood, and then go for the gold!


Aside: Think of a story. The plot feeds the emotions, the memory. Every time you make love you are creating a narrative, a story. Every story needs a plot. The plot feeds the imagination and stokes the memory. Think of it this way: If you eat fast food every day, you’ll satisfy an urge, you’ll feel fed. Will it be memorable? Unlikely. What ism ore likely is that you will soon forget what real food tastes like. Sex is like a beautifully prepared meal: it needs a theme, a plot. A beautiful meal brings smells, tastes, textures, presentation all into harmony. Then you create an ambiance, and accompany the meal with a good wine, and a special dessert. Believe me, you’ll remember that meal!


Foreplay. So you think foreplay starts when you feel the urge? Wrong! Foreplay stars with a phone call or a text telling your lover how you feel about him and what to expect when gets home. Better still, tell him there’s a surprise waiting for him when he gets home, and have a surprise for him. Leave it to your imagination. Take the responsibility to make it happen, and that will make space for fun and pleasure. It shows you appreciate him and you want to please him. If you think you have an appetite for something really tasty, you’ll have to do some shopping, the fridge doesn’t get full until you fill it. So start the foreplay way before the touching starts. Maybe a note or a letter on the door or sexting him, have something he likes delivered to him at work. Then start the intimate foreplay right after the first orgasm. (Try edging or delaying cumming for a while during your lovemaking. If you learn this technique your orgasms will be more intense and your ejaculation more powerful and fuller.)

Slow and gentle. Slow and gentle is key at the start. You may want to kick things up a notch once you’ve started but let your lovemaking take on its own pace; stop thinking about it, otherwise your going to turn it into a performance sport and it’ll become competitive; competitive performance is the last thing you want to bring into your erotic moments. You can be playful without being competitors. Lovemaking is supposed to be a win-win situation. Go slowly, gently, bring it up to speed; slow down again and bring it up again. This is a time just for you both so be in the moment, don’t rush thru it, and be present for each other. The dynamic fueling your lovemaking should be focused surrender, abandonment (as in letting go completely), not fast penetrative sex.

Stop stereotyping. Look, sex in the shower isn’t the only sex; neither is sex on your back. One partner doesn’t have to be the dominant partner and the other one passive. Orgasm or cumming isn’t the destination; once you have an orgasm doesn’t mean you’re finished and everyone’s happy. There’s more after the orgasm, like afterplay! We are always talking about foreplay, we have to practice afterplay. A good lover thinks out of the box; he is innovative and creative. A good lover customizes each encounter, making it new and surprising for his partner. Sterotyped sex is stagnant sex. Be innovative in your ambiance, create new scenarios, change the venue, get sloppy. Make your own rules. Be tantric!


Aside: After cumming don’t rush to clean up. Don’t destroy the moment you both have worked hard to create; keep touching, kissing, experiencing your lover. Tell him you love him, you adore him, that he is your life, your breath, your love. Whisper into his ear. Cuddle, nuzzle into his neck. Kiss his neck and behind his ears. Nuzzle your nose into his hair. You’ll probably start all over again. Why not?


Keep porn out of the bedroom. Pornography comes from the Greek words porne (prostitute) and graphein (to depict) and literally means depicting prostitutes, and a brothel in Greek was porneon. Pornography is what we can call outcome-driven; there is no foreplay as I’ve described it, no seduction; pornography prepares you for masturbation, not for intimacy, sex with your lover. Your lover must be your main stimulus, the main attraction, the star of the show. You must watch his body, follow his breathing, listen for his sounds, be guided by his reactions; you must focus on him and nothing else. Keep porn and the smartphone out of the bedroom.

The jug fills drop by drop until it overflows. Bring your imagination into your relationship. It’s the little things that will add spice to the relationship and will flavor the bedroom action. Look at your lover love his perfect imperfections, his curves, his special uniqueness. There are no flaws, there’s just those perfect imperfections that make him different from every other man who ever lived. Hold him and touch him. Appreciate the space he occupies physically and in your heart. He has a fragrance, a taste, a texture, a multitude of ingredients that make him unique and special. Discover them and savor them. Send him a card or a love note; sext him. The problem in most relationships tend to fizzle not because the partners don’t know what to do to keep it going, they just stop doing it. Just look around yourself and you’ll see one of the biggest relationship killers around: our electronic toys. When you’re holding your phone you’re not holding or touching your lover. When you’re looking into your phone you’re not looking at your lover. When you are together, that is, at meals, sitting together, in the bedroom, leave that damn relationship-killer out of the room! Turn it off!

Attraction fades only if you let it. Many of us have spent tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars and countless hours, years on education, educating ourselves, learning stuff. Most of what we learned never gets used. When we buy a car, insurance, a refrigerator, a smartphone we do research to learn more about it to get the best out of it. We naturally want the best out of our investment. Right? So why do we stop researching how to get the most out of our relationships, our lovemaking? Why is it most people don’t look at anything that will make them a better lover? Read about relationship, great sex. Talk about what makes your lover feel loved. Check in with your partner; make sure you’re both on the same page, that any problems are not festering, that he feels wanted, loved, needed, trusted. You have to feed into the mentality of being present, interested, accessible. If you feel the spark fading, write your partner a letter. Better still, do something imaginative, playful, to show him that the flame of Eros is burning hot and bright.

Postscript

Relationships are not about control. They are about change. I don’t mean that when you get into a serious relationship the goal is to change your partner into someone or something else; that would be wrong and could have serious negative consequences. I’m talking about the inevitable change that occurs after any interaction. That change in its positive form is growth. A good working definition of love is this: the mutual self-forgetting and sacrifice for the nurturing of growth in your partner. Love can’t be one-sided; that’s infatuation and it doesn’t have a positive outcome. In fact, the very word infatuation comes from the Latin infatuare meaning “to make a fool of,” and means to inspire a foolish romantic passion in someone. Love is mutual forgetting of one’s self and the willingness to sacrifice for your lover. It doesn’t mean correcting his perceived imperfections but appreciating them as essential ingredients that make him who he is. It doesn’t mean changing him or fixing him; no one has the right to do that to another person. If you are right for each other, things will change over time, you both will change, and the imperfections will become sparkles in a beautiful gem, your love, not hairs in your lobster bisque.

We talk a lot about control, especially in relationships. War is about control, relationship is about sharing. Once the urge to control comes into a relationship, the dynamics change and the relationship becomes a war zone. In our culture, men are forced into situations of control but they aren’t taught or prepared how to control control, that is, they are not taught boundaries. Control kills freedom. Freedom is vital to healthy relationship; each partner must have the freedom to be himself, to communicate, to relate, to be playful, to be vulnerable, to surrender, to trust you. Changing the dynamic of the relationship from freedom to control inevitably kills the relationship.

So, in a nutshell, erotic intelligence is a personal development process in relationship with another man and involves having the capacity to trust yourself, to be in touch with your own body, your boundaries, your values – and how you feel your own energy. By extension to your partner it becomes the mutual capacity to trust each other, to be in touch with his body and he with yours, to know boundaries and not to attempt to control, to be aware of his values and to communicate to him your values. Erotic intelligence is feeling your energy and learning to feel your partner’s energies, and to respond physically, emotionally, mentally in a way to nurture and to enhance mutual growth in your shared life.

Namasté,
William a.k.a. Gay Karuna

Gay Dating Sites: Watch Your Back!

Is He Real, A Troll, A Lurker, A Perv???

You need to listen carefully and keep your eyes open. Details count!

The Dark Side of Internet Dating Sites.

Over the course of a couple of months I have been watching what is going on on Facebook and Twitter in terms of gay themed sites and posts. All those people, there’s no way to even know if they are men or women, or whatever, posting with obviously fake names, profile pictures that are obviously professional models or people whom the poster finds attractive but are not the poster, posts that are transparently a load of crapola. In short, I was not only unimpressed with what I was seeing, I was getting really annoyed. Annoyed not only with the liars and the frauds, but with the people who were responding with likes, friend requests, and comments! I thought to myself, “Has the world gone stupid all around me?”

A couple of invitations caught my interest. They were invitations to gay dating sites posted on Facebook. My first inclination was to ignore them and move on. But then, the researcher and investigator in me woke up and said, “Hell NO! You’ve got a gem of a project here! Go for it!” And so I did. 


I thought about what I wanted to achieve and then figured out how to do it. If it didn’t work out, I would have found a couple of new friends in my area, but if my hypothesis were  true, and my suspicions correct, I may be able to prove a point and help a lot of people while I’m at it. Here’s what I did:

Organize and systematize to get results. I started out realistically. I’m a mature man and I’m not a fool. I’m realistic. I’m a mature male who would be kind of silly going to a twink site or to a 20-something site, a bear site or a fat site, and convincingly posting that I am looking for a relationship with the sort of person (1) who would simply think me crazy or ridiculous (a twink site or 20-something site), (2) or who would catch on that I know little or nothing of their gay culture (bears, fats, leather, S&M), or (3) if I could manage to be convincing as something I’m not, what would I do then? I figured it would be best to just be what I am and do a mature man site and run with it. I started out with DaddyHunt and it proved to be a gold mine.

DaddyHunt is a site for mature men or youngish men looking for relationships with mature men or youngish men wanting relationships with mature men. So far, so good.

So I posted, rather I published a profile and started getting responses from a range of individuals along the age and interest spectrum I put in my public profile. No problem. Just what I expected.

One or two people  in the week or so I was on the site contacted me and wanted more intense interaction. Some of them fizzled out for one reason or another, probably because I didn’t pursue the bait. But one stood out as particularly aggressive and persistent. I had a shark on the line, I could just feel it.

Who is William Mr “X” a.k.a. The Troll?

The guy (I’ll call the person a guy but, honestly, I have no idea what his gender, age, etc. are in reality) called himself Mr X, which may be his name or may not be his name. Problem No. 1: The name thing wasn’t a big deal but it became a big deal when he started adding other details (see below).

He initially said he lived on the West Coast, and his telephone area code appearing on the subsequent chats was in fact for the San Joaquin, Ca., area but as we all know, the number could be a California number, but the caller could be anywhere! And the phone could be a prepaid or something. In fact, he later gave me another Mid-west address. Now my online paramour did say that his “uncle owned the property” that had belonged to his mother. Giving Mr X the benefit of doubt, this might be true. Problem No. 2: The telephone number doesn’t give much to go on, but can be useful in association with other details (see below).back

Normally, if you have a telephone number and given the unlimited free calls and texting that go along with your phone account, and the free long distance calling, you’d expect to have a voice conversation at some point or another. And I asked for that right at the start. But Mr X was reluctant to take my calls or to call me. Problem No. 3: Mr X doesn’t want me to hear his voice? Why would that be? Why waste time chatting when you can expedite the information sharing using voice communications? Something is rotten in Fresno!

Mr X shared that he was in the hospitality business, traveled for his business, and gave a somewhat confused biography of multinational background and a tragic childhood. He was from Spain, his father died when he was young, he is an only child, and the story went on and on. The details were complex, sometimes confusing, and became contradictory as I posed some leading questions. Problem No. 4: Oh those details! Liars should write everything down and read from a script; that’s the only way to keep the facts consistent. Mr X is a really lousy liar but what’s worse, he doesn’t know it. But I am listening.

I asked Mr X about some details about his life and he obligingly sent me an email with details. It was a hodgepodge of the tragic life of a lonely child, who lost his parents when he was young, taken in by grandparents, etc., etc. The stuff of a melodramatic child’s morality narrative but there was no morality in Mr X’s story. If I were not the detail oriented scholar with a great memory and a penchant for saving data, sparse details from the extensive chat sessions and the email biography might have at least superficially corroborated with one another. But they didn’t and there were glaring inconsistencies that could not be resolved by simple excuses or carelessness. For example, Mr X originally claimed to be in his mid 30s. In telling me about his deceased father, and when asked how old he was when he lost his father, Mr X responded 16 years old. When a couple of lines later in the chat, I asked how long ago his father had died, he responded 27 years ago. That would, by my math, make Mr X 43 years old. Liars can’t do math. Problem No. 5: Mr X can’t do math, and can’t keep facts straight.

I have traveled extensively and have lived in several European countries. I speak several European languages. Since Mr X claimed to be in the country only 2 years, and his English was a bit fractured, and given the fact that he claimed to be born in Barcelona, Spain, his father from the UK and his mother French, I was ready to converse in French or Spanish to facilitate matters. Given Mr X’s obvious aversion to voice communications, I almost thought that he was unsure of his spoken English, a real possibility, but he insisted on communicating in English, indicating to me that he might not speak French. Problem No. 6: Mr X’s English is fractured but inconsistently so. Mr X insists on chat and on English. Can it be that Mr X doesn’t want a voice communication because he can’t do the appropriate accent and doesn’t speak the language(s) I suggested? Wouldn’t the communication and the sharing be best served if done in a language both communicants are comfortable with? I became convinced that Mr X’s language issues were not entirely credible.

Mr X started sending me photos, and I sent him some of me (real current photos). I am obviously not a spring chicken but I am attractive and I am fit, but Mr X’s insistence that I am “handsome” (maybe), but beautiful (NOT!), and that age did not matter, raised red flags. I’m not into flattery and I am fully aware of who I am; I don’t need an ego boost, that’s for certain, and don’t try to convince me you’re blind as a damned bat. That’s only going to piss me off. But let Mr X taken enough rope for now. Problem No. 7This guy is either desperate, blind or a real con artist! Get your eyes examined, Mr X!

The chats go on for about a week and they get better and better, at least in terms of the fiction. I’m feeding my pet shark and he’s regurgitating shark shit.  We are confessing “love forever,” “You’re mine!,” “Lover,” “Adorable,” “Handsome” (Mr X had not apparently read this blog or he would have certainly picked up on “warrior” or “tiger”). Mr X was interested in marriage and I, of course, agreed that it may be a possibility. Isn’t love wonderful, guys? Problem No. 7: This guy is moving too fast for me!

Back to the photos Mr X is sending. Something appeared not to be right with them. Some too fuzzy (edited?), others too posed (professional, not spontaneous?) despite the fact that Mr X was telling me he “just took the picture” for me. Examining the pictures for details, I pick up some particulars such as logos and labels appearing in several of the pictures and followed them up. Problem No. 6: Does Mr X have an obsession with men’s underwear, it seems he likes labels a lot. Using the image quality, the image details, I researched what I had. I came up with Phil Fusco a lifestyle coach and underwear entrepreneur! Mr X was lifting the photos from Phil’s Instagram site! The labels, the t-shirt logo, even the gold chain and cross were a perfect match, just like Mr X likes to say! Gotcha!

So, my dear friends, my project seems to have proved a number of things that distill into a shortlist of caveats for anyone on the dating scene. Thanks to our little fraud,  “Mr X” , or whoever s/he really — and we may yet find out — I can provide some tips on how to provide yourself with some dating site security:

Careful! All that language of love from your little online love bug may be coming from a dung beetle.
  • Find a reputable dating site, if possible. Do your homework, ask around, and save yourself a lot of grief. One of the reasons for my project was what I see on Facebook! If that kind of deception and fraud occurs in the wide open social media scene, I imagined it could really get dirty on a lazy lonely souls site like a dating site. Guess What? It does! Facebook is not reputable, by the way, and it doesn’t take a critical investigator to know that fact. So what do you expect from one of the hundreds or thousands of dating sites out there? Be sensible, be smart!
    • Make lots of friends on a site and share insights and experiences. You may find that there’s a troll or a lurker hitting a number of people on the site. Once you help to identify the malevolent activity, you can get together to track the freak down, perhaps the site owner will get into the act and help in the investigation.
  •  If possible stay local. If your intentions are good and you are not trying to get a bit on the side, stay local, or at least select a locale that you can verify. As in our case, someone halfway across the globe is not a feasible candidate for dating or for a relationship. Besides if they have to find a date on the other side of the world, something’s gotta be wrong.
  •  If you get a contact, get as much verifiable information as possible; if they don’t want to share it, they are not sincere. Keep looking.
  •  Be critical. Look at what your Mr X is saying, how he’s saying it, do the details add up? Is there anything that makes you uneasy? If there is, investigate. Ask him directly Why?
  • Chat is great because it requires a telephone number and a telephone number can be linked with a real person, if not a physical location. If something goes awry, you have that for investigation purposes.
  • Email is idiotic. Don’t think for a minute that you can trace someone with an email! I created at least 3 different emails in the course of this project. None of them can be traced to an ISP number. Great for scams.
  •  Beware Facebook pages or other social media as trustworthy in terms of verification; just look at some of the account names and some of the profile pics. Do I have to say more?
  • Stay factual and be honest, and you won’t get tripped up. Most of the guys handing you a pulp fiction story will trip up on some detail somewhere. Be smart and listen. If you keep your facts straight, you can’t be accused of deception or of scamming, and you’ll be consistent. Fact: Lies always trip the liar up.
  • Be careful what you share in terms of pictures. I never share anything more than what you can see in my gym locker room; most of the time I share even less revealing stuff. Don’t “borrow” someone else’s pictures and use them as yourself! They can be traced easily. In my project, I studied the pictures for certain details and went with them. Again, if you’re honest you have nothing to worry about.
  • Save your chats. Save any emails. Save any pictures. Get a phone number, if possible. If they are honest and something comes out of the exchange, you have some cute memories to share as your relationship matures. If Mr. X is a fraud, you have all of the material you need to go after him. Protect yourself.
  • The bottom line is this: A dating site can be fun if you use it sensibly and critically. It’s also a place where very nasty people might hang out and really hurt someone, maybe you. Some people think it’s a big joke to have a lonely homo on the hook; they may like to watch him squirm and wiggle. Is that what you want? If you use your head and maintain some standards, ask some good questions, you’ll come out on top, or bottom, whichever you prefer. But you’ll likely not get hurt or scammed.

This has nothing to do with taking any higher moral high ground, that is, I’m not trying to persuade anyone that I am at a moral advantage or that I have principles that are better than yours. I’d like to make that statement here because I know someone is going to come back with the accusation that I was just as bad as “Mr X.” Perhaps I was in some weird way, because I was playing a game and there was no informed consent; in other words, if I were doing this as a course paper or for publication, ethics would have required that I fully inform “Mr X” of what I was doing. Correct. But truth be told, I kept everything on the straight and narrow on my side. I was sincere and honest, all of my details were true, all of my exchanges factual and verifiable. It was not a situation where I was luringMr X” into a snare for some sort of abuse or entertainment; my purpose was clear but not disclosed.

Mr X,” on the other hand clearly was dishonest and deceptive. It would have been interesting to have seen how far his game would have gone but enough is enough; I had collected enough evidence and data, enough clear facts to prove my points. Why waste any more time with the perv? The only moral or ethical question that I think should be asked is this: which was the greater evil, my collecting information for the good of preventing abuse, or “Mr X’s” little game and it’s apparent purpose? I think the answer to that question is obvious.

In the meantime, I felt it important to share more specific details of my findings with certain interested parties who may want to investigate in more detail, and they may even positively identify “Mr X,” since Google has his ISP associated with his emails and will provide it in response to official demands (court order, law enforcement). I also have provided his telephone number which is directly linked to the chats. Both are very valuable pieces of evidence, should the parties pursue the matter.

While it may be said that some of “Mr X’s” story might “click” or with a bit of stretching, might be almost credible, what is the story behind sending fake pictures, and isn’t doing that something of a deception? If it’s a deception it is intentionally purposed to mislead, and is therefore a lie. If it’s a lie, what good is carrying on a conversation, especially if there is even a scintilla of sincerity, “Mr X’s” face and body is not that of Phil Fusco, unless he’s a clone.

This is a critical problem on social media generally, so what can we do about it as users, as consumers? Well, the first thing I would recommend is simply to be honest; just don’t use images that are not of you and which are recent. Simply avoid using images of other people unless you make it very clear that it’s not you, and explain why you are using it.

The second thing we can do is police ourselves. If you find that someone is practicing deception and either lying about who or what they are, or if they are posting images that are clearly or obviously not their own, notify the site owner, explain what is happening and tell them who is abusing the site. Naming and shaming does work but it’s important that you provide clear facts and not just speculation.

To their credit, the folks at DaddyHunt are very diligent and investigate any complaints of abuse or deception. My experience with other dating sites is rather limited, so I can’t speak to that subject. It would be helpful if I were to get any feedback from readers who do have personal experience with other dating sites. I’ll be pleased to investigate and post anything I find, if it is worthwhile and relevant.

Finally, if any of my readers are interested in finding out more about this study, please leave a comment on this blog or write to me at Gay Karuna.

Thanks for reading and being a faithful follower of this blog. Thanks also for sharing any experiences you might have with gay dating sites; your shares may help prevent people like “Mr X” from making those sites their playgrounds for their perverse games.


Happy Holidays, and God bless you all!

William

Postscript: Out of fairness, I have written to “Mr X” advising him that he has been outed, and unless he comes up with an acceptable explanation, this matter is going public. As of this writing, I have counseld Mr X, and have told him in no uncertain terms that he is seriously violating the terms and conditions of the site, and that he is doing himself no favor by attempting to misrepresent himself, and to deceive persons responding to his deceptive profile. He has agreed to stop using the images and to post his own photos. We’ll see.

Why men should prefer partners more mature, older than themselves.

Advance Tip on an Upcoming Article

I am going to write about this important topic from the standpoint of the more mature partner’s role as mentor, protector, stabilizer for the younger man. When I refer to a younger man, I won’t be writing about man-boy love or men who are not at a psychological or mental level of development that allows them to move beyond childish infatuation or adolescent confusion; I will be discussing younger men who are well-adjusted, secure, good in their skins, and who have self-respect and can take charge of their lives without having to be dependent. The older man is the partner who has the life experience and knowledge, practical and/or academic, and the wisdom to be mentor to the younger man. This type of relationship is built on a concept of beauty and eroticism expressed in trusting and awareness, surrender to each other in physical and emotional, as well as spiritual touching and sharing; both explore the other, surrendering himself to the other without abandoning his own essence in the nurturing and growing process. This is what I will call “inviolable vulnerability.”

The essay is in process at this time but I do want to give all of my readers a heads up on it. I feel it is an important article and will be a lead-in to articles on beauty and silence in relationships.

Peace and joy to you!
William

The Tiger and the Butterfly Spirit Guides. Why my tattoos?

A totem animal is a spirit animal is and animal being, sacred symbol of a tribe, clan, family or individual. Tradition provides that each person is connected with up to nine different animals that will accompany him through life, acting as guides. Here’s a reflection on what I feel are my personal animal spirit guides.

“Tiger, tiger, burning bright in the forests of the night, what immortal hand or eye dare frame thy fearful symmetry?” [William Blake]

It’s not always apparent which animal totem is one’s principal spirit guide, and most people are generally unaware even of the animal symbol representing one’s spirit, soul, or true self. That was true for me, even though for years I had a special attraction for tigers and butterflies. I never thought Why? that was or even gave it a second thought, until I decided to get a tattoo. When I got my first tattoo I responded,  “A butterfly” when the artist asked me what I had in mind. My first tattoo was a very small but colorful butterfly, and over the years it faded, probably because I really didn’t take proper care of it.

Then, a couple of years ago, I noticed the guys in my gym sporting larger and multiple tattoos, and so I became interested in getting my old tattoo either removed or tattooed over with a more vibrant one. My first visit to the tattoo artist met with the same question after we discussed what to do with my old tattoo. “What do you have in mind?” My immediate answer was “I want a tiger and a butterfly, but together.” “Together? How together?” My answer sparked a surprised look on the artist’s face. “I want the tiger in the butterfly or the butterfly in the tiger, if possible both/and.” His response was, “Give me a week to figure this out.”

Two Spirit Guides:
The Tiger and the Butterfly.

I returned after a week, and he had some pictures and drawings ready for me. My attention was drawn two two pencil sketches, and I imagined what they would look like in color. They became my final choices. I left the coloration to the artist but they had to be “vibrant.”

That’s an interesting word we threw around during the sessions, “vibrant.” There are a number of meanings for the word “vibrant,” including full of energy and enthusiasm, spirited, lively, full of life, energetic, vigorous, vital, animated, dynamic, stimulating, passionate, fiery. They certainly apply to my choice of totems, and I thought, “They actually describe my personality, my soul.” As for the colors, they had to be bright and striking, vivid, strong, rich, bold. Oranges, blacks, yellows, greens taken individually didn’t do much to turn me on but then, much later, after the tattoos were finished, I noted one day when describing them to a workout partner, that they were really two poles, the warm and the cool, they were opposites working together. These two seemingly opposite animal types actually represented opposites and together worked a special dynamic.

Right Shoulder Art

As I became more fascinated by how naturally these many factors came together in a sort of symphony, conscious and unconscious, I felt I had to learn more about these symbols, which I felt were always part of me but now were physically part of me, visible for all to see, and doing their magic as part of me.

Body art is one of the earliest forms of artistic expression known to humankind. It has been used to indicate status, religious devotion, desired protection against evil and disease, and much more. At times, body art was, and in some cultures, still is stigmatized, being associated with marginal elements in society. Rightly so! Those of us who surrender ourselves to the needle and the pigment are marginal: we are in some, many ways metaphysically different.

Tattoos, I believe, are not just a way of turning your body into a living, moving billboard, and I believe that covering the body with a collage of multiple tattoos is actually ugly. I feel that quality should take precedence over quantity, and that each modification of the body should actually enhance the “beauty” of the body. Each and every modification made to our body should be done only after careful reflection and after having discerned the spiritual reason for making a permanent change to the already naturally beautiful form and substance of the body.

Left Shoulder Art

Like a jug, the container, the physical form gives shape, it’s the space within that gives it a purpose, a meaning. The same with the human being; the physical form, the shape is formed around purpose. Taking that thought a step further, it is what is within that shapes what we perceive an object or a person to be through the medium of the physical senses, but it’s not necessarily what the person in reality is in their being, their essence. Of all the many hypotheses offered by psychology and religion for Why? a person chooses to become a living palette for art one of them is older than psychology or even philosophy itself: it’s to express a certain spirituality, mysterious, wordless, powerful.

Today, people express many different reasons for getting various forms of body art. Some of them are a means of personal expression, while others continue to decorate their bodies as a means of commemorating an important event/time in their lives, or as in my case, a response to something mysterious working from within.

The Tiger Spirit Guide or Totem

The tiger is a symbol of passion, power, devotion. The tiger hunts at night, and night is the realm of the unconscious, of the deep mind, the spirit The tiger symbolizes  of sexual energies, which can be creative or destructive. But the tiger is also a fierce protector and guards the passions, allowing only the most loving sensual passions to emerge.

The tiger spirit not only produces the most loving, protective, sensual passions but also symbolizes new adventures, and the dynamic to pursue these challenges with focus and dedication.

William Blake recognized the mystique and the mystical about the tiger when he wrote, “Tiger, tiger, burning bright in the forests of the night, what immortal hand or eye dare frame thy fearful symmetry?” Blake reflects on the tiger symbolism as fiery. “burning bright”, in the unconscious realm, “in the forests of the night,” and fearsome, so much so that Blake ponders how powerful a Divine being would need to be to fashion such a creature that embodies beauty, symmetry, fierce power, awe-inspiring strength, and yet is fluid and balanced, passionate, dedicated, protective.  Metaphysical imagery frames the tiger as being associated with inner strength , and an almost predatory focus and courage.

Tiger also symbolizes a sort of unpredictability, and when the tiger is aroused and responds the results are swift, sure and decisive. Dealing with the tiger is not the time for making rash decisions or foolish moves. Choose your battles wisely, in other words.

While all of the above is certainly not negative, assuming you are respectful of the spiritual power you are dealing with, there is a clearly positive aspect: when you keep the tiger spirit close to you, in your life, the person embodying the tiger spirit can act as a powerful reminder of overcoming obstacles and fears by reclaiming a place of empowerment. The person embodying the tiger spirit has an ability to manage strong emotions effectively. There is a caveat, of course: some people would find the person embodying the tiger spirit to be unnerving, or might find themselves uncomfortable in the presence of such a person.  Such discomfort might indicate that they feel or threatened by the mystery or strength of the person or a situation, and that they might need to reassess their relationship with that person or situation.

When you encounter a person embodying the tiger as his spirit animal it is wise to treat the encounter with the utmost reverence. The tiger spirit will teach you patience – when to move, when to remain still and quiet, and in the end experience a successful “pursuit.” The tiger spirit will not tolerate carelessness or procrastination when the path is clear for the next great leap.

The person embodying the tiger spirit can provide his partner or companion with strength and support for nurturing great  spiritual growth. Watching, experiencing the man embodying the tiger spirit managing the many day-to-day challenges of life, great and small, can be likened to the tiger teaching its cubs to hunt, the challenges are learning tools. These can weary the spirit of the ordinary, insensitive person but the tiger spirit  stands ready with a raw power that urges the sensitive man forward. Just as the wild tiger in nature is known for his  amazing bursts of energy, the tiger spirit person can exploit that resource to confront any challenge.

The man embodying the tiger spirit yearns for adventure, and he can stare down a statue! There is little that can stand in his way when he focuses in on something. The tiger spirit can be overwhelming if it is not received by a partner or companion with courage and respect; while the tiger spirit is controlled and focused, moderated by a strong sense of right, compassion, empathy and sensitivity, it can roll over weaker spirits who don’t have the good sense to make way. The temptation to stand and oppose the tiger spirit, asserting one’s self for the sake of the ego, the false self, typically happens early in the spiritual relationship. As you mature with Tiger, that temptation to assert comes under greater control. In the meanwhile use a chrysoprase crystal to help cope with any anxiety or discomfort arroused in the early stages of the relationship with Tiger.

If your significant other embodies the tiger as his spirit animal your relationship and sexual expressions are or will be very intense. He will love you completely in his focused way; you will fill a very special niche in his life but don’t make the fatal mistake of expecting to fill all the niches of his life; you’ll burn out trying. He will cherish you fully for what you are, and he will have a strong desire to parent and to protect. This is why a man embodying the tiger spirit is ideal in a relationship between an older “daddy” type man and a younger “son” or “mister” type man. Tigers excel in their mentoring and protection roles and keep their partners close for sharing, intimacy, and spirituality.


The Vibrant Healing Properties of Green – The Chrysoprase Crystal

It might now be appropriate to say a word here about the chrysoprase crystal if a tiger spirit has found its way into your life. The entry of a person embodying the tiger spirit into your life will usually signal a significant change, since most people are attracted to a tiger spirit because they sense the power, sensitivity, and strength of the tiger spirit. Again, when dealing with any tiger situation, caution is advised; you can easily become a meal. When attracted to the tiger spirit, you should take it as a sign that you may be in need of and must be willing to enter into a physically,  emotionally and spiritually transformative experience. This is where the chrysoprase crystal may provide you with some energetic support.

The chrysoprase crystal is sought out for manifesting optimism, joy, and happiness; it is an effective prescription for encouraging a more positive outlook on life.

If anxiety and uncertainty roll in on gale-force winds rattling the shingles of your natural tranquility, it’s time cuddle close to your tiger spirit man and to keep your chrysoprase crystal close, reflecting on meaning meditating on the heart chakra. The activation of this energy center allows for a stronger flow of healing energy through the heart, and brings you closer to living from the heart and draws on the universal power of erotic love and inner beauty.

Chrysoprase is a variety of chalcedony, and was a favorite of Alexander the Great, who called on its spiritual healing powers during his campaigns. To me, that’s a persuasive pedigree.

The chrysoprase crystal is part of the pale blue green color ray. Imagine tropical emerald waters brushing against white sands at the edge of the forest, the abode of the tiger spirit, your protection and source of sensuality. In a meditation, let the stone transport your spirit there anytime, and you can reach out to the man embodying the tiger spirit. Let his ancient wisdom guide you to a divine light of inner truth and enlightenment as you float down a turquoise river of inner peace, illuminated with a brilliant white light, the white light of pure love generated by a pure heart.

Love means self-sacrifice, letting go when necessary, taking back control from the ego. There’s always the perception that there’s a fine line between self-preservation and letting go of the urge to control, living for the other, controlling the urge to possess; the cooling and healing properties generated by the chrysoprase crystal are beneficial for supporting the delicate balance of emotions. Forgive and learn, or be emotionally paralyzed. Chrysoprase can remind us how good it feels to be free of toxic emotions and the stresses of consumerism and materialism. The man embodying the tiger-spirit cherishes a balanced state of mind, a state of spiritual alignment, and that state is a first step towards healing your former defective spirit,

Concentrate on your pure and self-less intention, on surrender, on forgiveness, positive inner growth, or encouraging hope in your life.

The heart chakra stones such as chrysoprase, rose quartz and jade are thought to attract the abundance of Eros, which associates it closely with challenges of erotic relationships and the creative force they incarnate.

The vibrant green in the eye of the tiger is reminiscent of the chrysoprase crystal and its energies.

The man embodying the tiger spirit can be a natural guide for you in times when you feel confused, particularly morally or ethically. If he is your partner or companion, you have great wealth to draw on and the tiger man is very freely giving and generous, not looking to exact anything but your love, loyalty, trust in return.

Tiger men have an independent streak – and need periodic alone time even if his  partner thinks he understands him completely. Know from the start you can’t chain or tame a tiger, you have to let him be a tiger. Gratefully accept the space you occupy in his life, try not to be demanding, it’s not necessary. The tiger spirit anticipates and reads your needs even before you know them yourself. Do not try to change the tiger man; to change him would be likened to attempting to change the stripes on a living tiger. Do not try to cage the tiger man; he’ll break free in an instant. Be still, quiet, patient like the tiger spirit.

Wild Tigers have excellent night vision. Applied to the man embodying the tiger spirit, that spirit’s spiritual effects improve at night by the light of the moon; the tiger spirit is at home in the dark forest of the unconscious, the home of the passions. Tigers, like other cats, also respond deeply to touch; the man with the tiger spirit will place great meaning on being touched, explored, and responding with touch and exploration. The tiger spirit’s touch is not restricted to the physical but is equally at home in the psychological and the spiritual. If you’re not into touching and being touched, steer clear of the man embodying a tiger spirit.

The Tiger’s Eye

Many people embodying the tiger spirit animal carry the image of the tiger when they are embarking on a quest or an adventure or confronting a challenge! This is particularly opportune for the man wanting to immerse himself in a new environment or relationship, in studies, or in other cultures with all their novel believes and values. The fact that tigers have excellent hearing also applies to the man embodying the tiger spirit: he hears everything, even the unsaid, and is an excellent listener. A partner with keen sense of hearing and listening skills makes the experience all the more rewarding because the unsaid or innocuous small things that others might miss are picked up by the tiger man. What you might think may be on the edge of awareness will be in the tiger man’s clear peripheral vision.

Call on Tiger as your Power Animal when you need renewed confidence. There is nothing uncertain with Tiger energy and medicine – this cat is the perfect embodiment of elegant power. As Tiger energy guides she teaches self-actualization – you begin to feel comfortable in your own skin and even revel in it. That is why Tigers often come to those who have poor body images or low self-esteem. Tiger men are also valuable partners and companion to those who are addicted to consumerism and materialism, or to rivalries that sap a man’s inner and outer strength. The tiger man’s sense of balance, harmony and fluidity are a source of security to those who might feel lost, confused, drowning.

In terms of spiritual growth and awareness, Tiger is all about keeping your eye on the prize. Whatever your goals are energetically, Tiger as a Power Animal provides tireless discipline and energy. From a Shamanic standpoint Tiger symbolizes healing, the immune system and clearing environmental toxins from your system. The tiger man is an excellent detoxifier, energizer, and source of empowerment.

Butterfly Symbolism & Meaning

When a man embodying the butterfly spirit begins visiting your life, something new and wonderful is about to unfold! It’s time for personal growth and greater awareness of your mental, physical and spiritual being. Change can sometimes be challenging and confusing because it moves us out of our comfort zone but you  cannot embrace a “new” until you release the “old” you. The man embodying the butterfly spirit can show you that can fly confidently above and beyond the obstacles, physical, psychological and spiritual, that would otherwise hold you back.

The man embodying the butterfly spirit as a mentor will place considerable emphasis on movement –from one state in our physical, psychological and spiritual exploration to another, more advanced level.

The butterfly spirit helps us to turn our thoughts inward to review our character, morals and habits and to move closer to identifying our natural self, our pure self that is our unique self and not a product of what others want to make of us.

The outcome of the relationship with the butterfly-spirit endowed ally is a positive restoration to an enlightened being, relieved of excess baggage, you can dance Eros’ dance with unbridled love!

The butterfly spirit as an animal guide spirit has many appearances and attributes. Early Christians interpreted the butterfly in nature as a symbol representing the soul and its journey. Native Americans venerate the butterfly as the symbol of transformation, happiness and the diversity of nature. In Chinese tradition newlyweds were often given gifts bearing two Butterfly images to symbolize marital happiness and harmony, probably because of the bilateral symmetry of the butterfly’s wings and their rhythmic beating in flight.

The man embodying the butterfly spirit emphasizes simplicity and simplification. For the butterfly spirit it’s simple: just go back and care for the basics. The butterfly spirit doesn’t change nor does he want to change his partner. Like the butterfly in the field, he visits his partner and tastes his sweetness but doesn’t damage or change him. The man embodying the butterfly spirit tends those in his life just like the butterfly tends the flowers in the field; he opens his senses to the nectar and aroma of living in the moment and sharing that moment, reciprocally, with his partner. When possible he savors and rests; do what you can now. At other times, he lingers searching, mindful that quality learning and relationship rarely happens in one visitation. Slow, mindful changes are the ones that last a lifetime, laying the foundations for enlightenment and self-actualization. The butterfly spirit held within will emerge from its inner work when the time is right, with fresh insights and intentions to guide his partner to the next stage in his spiritual growth.

The butterfly spirit embodied in a man whispers softly of his hidden potentials but frequently these will surface on their own when needed, that is, when the time is right. We can recall the proverb that says, “There’s nothing in a caterpillar that knows it’s going to be a butterfly.” But the awesome transformation from caterpillar to winged beauty happens, and it happens quite naturally. Before this can happen, however, the caterpillar eats voraciously as only a caterpillar can do. So, too, the man embodying the butterfly spirit, while still in the caterpillar stage, feeds his soul voraciously with new  experiences, new knowledge, until it’s ready for integrating  new truths.

As the butterfly in nature is the picture of happiness and vision. The man embodying the butterfly spirit brings a spiritual lightness to being; he brings a vision that provides vital color and greater clarity.

The butterfly in nature and unusually keen visual perception and can even see wavelengths invisible to human beings, such as ultraviolet light.  The man embodying the butterfly spirit, too, has keen vision and can see colors most others can’t perceive; he glimpses angels as well as demons.

The man blessed with the butterfly spirit has a natural lightness of spirit! He loves natural beauty and the beauty of nature, and is guided by the what is morally and ethically good when it comes to maintaining balance in relationships, the environment, the cosmos.

The man embodying the butterfly spirit is by nature social, engaging, attractive and vibrant. He endeavors to live in the moment, and to live each moment fully; he celebrates life and like the wild goose in migration follows an invisible path to his destination.

Spread Your Wings!

The beauty in life is the opportunity for transformation, for movement. Every moment brings a change, we just have to be awake to take advantage of the meaning and the growth it offers. The butterfly spirit can manage radical, complete change and facilitates the process with gentleness, regenerating breezes and a kiss of beauty.

During migration, monarch butterflies will travel thousands of miles and will amazingly find their “ancestral” trees; the monarch ‘grandchild’ or even ‘great-great grandchild’ butterfly will find the exact same spot that their grandparents sheltered in after their migration.

This ancestral behavior or cellular memory of their ancestor’s behavior observed in the monarch butterfly is analogous to the butterfly spirit’s exploitation of traditional or ancestral wisdom by tapping into ancient knowledge in the repository of archetypal, collective consciousness.


I hope that this article has inspired you to look into yourself to find your animal spirit guide, and to discover how that inner power can make you a better, more beautiful person for yourself, for your partner, for the entire universe.

Namasté! Peace to you!
William